Nephew finally contacted me.

[goldilocks]

I disagree to say that it's never rude to ask.  I think anytime  you ask for something that you know will make the other person uncomfortable, it's rude.

My brother-in-law is very proud of saying that he never asks anyone for money, they just send it to him of their own accord.  True, but this usually follows a 1/2 hour converation with him where he details that he can't pay the light bill, can't buy groceries, etc.  Until the other party finally says "How bout if I send you $50?"

Agreed, the other party should grow a spine, but his elderly parents have a hard time doing so.

[doodlemor]

You did well, Roe.  It's sad that he threw away the opportunity that you offered him. 

When you look back as the years go by you will always know that you did your best to help him and his brothers.  They were lucky to experience all of the good things that you did for them.

[pierrotlunaire0]

I, also, was hoping for a happy update. 

But then I realized it was a happy update!  You stayed strong, and nephew has been offered another life lesson (whether he realizes it or not).

[SoCalVal]

Count me in as thinking the title was a foreshadowing of Nephew wanting to resume positive communication.  My heart hurt for Roe when I read what he did this time.

If that was my relative I wouldnt pay him any money at all but what does his knee and the internet have to do with it? You seem upset that you didn't know but you dont want to help him out wither so it seems silly to care that you weren't told.,lilacrosey

Not silly at all - there is an entire backstory between Roe and her nephew and his family.  She provided money and help to them for many years and was being used. She had been trying to help Nephew where he could, and when he went on his own, he cut all ties with her. Now that he needs money, he's trying to reopen the ties. I see that you are somewhat new to the forum, and maybe should do a search on Roe's older posts involving K'nnihave and her family before coming to judgement on her actions now.

While I think it's fair that LilacRosey didn't know the backstory, I think knowing the backstory doesn't matter where her comment is concerned.  Providing financial means and caring about someone's well-being do not go hand-in-hand.  I, too, think that was a rather harsh and strange judgment.  It's perfectly normal to care about being told how someone is doing but not want to be that person's financial back-up.

[johelenc1]

Can you give a nutshell version of why you nephew gave you the cut direct except for when he needs money?

Long story short (as short as I can make it ), he moved in with my son in summer of 2011.  My husband and I were supporting our son financially as he was still in college.  We paid his rent, groceries, car, etc.  (my son did work but not full time) 

Anyway, it was during that time that K'nnihave and BIL separated so nephew (who had just graduated high school) had a choice to make. He could move out of town with his mother or he could move with his father and into a small home shared with 8 people.  He didn't like either option so when the idea of moving in with our son came about, he jumped at the chance.  It also helped that we were willing to help him as we were helping our own son regarding rent and groceries. We were willing to help because he told us that he was signing up for classes at the community college that fall. 

The only thing we asked of him (the ONE rule!) was that he not consume alcohol at the apartment as my son might be held responsible as he was the older of the two.  Looking back, we shouldn't have trusted him. 

I found out he was not only drinking at the apartment but he was inviting friends over to drink.  I called him and spoke him about it.  His response was "I'm sorry you feel that way." He moved out and blocked me on FB.  From what I've learned since, he's moved on from drinking and was almost caught with drugs by a law officer. And he's yet signed up for even one class.

I do know that I will be here if he ever needs anyone but I'm not going to be the Bank of Roe any longer.  That bank went under with the Summer of NO and I have no intention of reopening it.

Even with all this, a small part of me hopes that one day he will call and say "I'm ready for a different life."   Praying for that call one day.  I can hope, right?

Oh wow - I had not heard this part of the story.  I was wondering about how things were going for K.  Does this mean you don't hear from her anymore at all?  BIL is your husband's brother, right?

[The Wild One, Forever]

Good on ya for sticking to your guns!  You have become a great role model on here, in the area of spine development.   

However, I pray, right long with you, that your nephew chooses a different path than the one he's on.  He's young yet, so there is hope aplenty.  You and your husband have shown him, through word and deed, that there is another, better way, and it is perfectly plausible that these lessons will eventually supersede the horrible SOP he saw all his young life through his mama.   

[Roe]

Oh wow - I had not heard this part of the story.  I was wondering about how things were going for K.  Does this mean you don't hear from her anymore at all?  BIL is your husband's brother, right?

I hear from K'nnihave every.now.and.then.  She will either send me a text or call but again, it's very rare. (and our phone chats are short)  And I do the same, every so often I send her a picture of my youngest kiddo.  But that's the extent of our communication at this point and I'm okay with that. 

BIL is my husband's brother.  They talk every now and then.

It really helps being so far from everyone.  K'nnihave has mentioned wanting to visit us but I doubt that she will be able to afford the plane ticket so I'm not too concerned about it.