Author Topic: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?  (Read 4837 times)

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ILoveMyCello

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Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« on: October 23, 2012, 10:54:21 PM »
A friend I work with was offered a promotion at another banking office by HER friend, an old coworker turned manager. Another friend at work and I think it's a terrible idea to take the promotion for many reasons. Should we talk to her-is it appropriate? Or just let natural clnsequences take the course? Thanks

gramma dishes

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2012, 11:01:08 PM »
I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole, especially if your friend has not asked your and/or your other friend's opinion!  Let her make her own decision on this without comment from either of the two of you.

If she does ask, then you could run down the quick list of pros and cons, but remember that the decision is still hers to make and yes, she will have to (or get to) live with the consequences whatever they may be.  If you try to persuade her one way or the other and it doesn't work out if she follows your "advice" you're going to lose a friend and cause a lot of tension in your workplace.

sparksals

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2012, 11:02:01 PM »
This is an MYOB thing. 

lady_disdain

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2012, 11:13:22 PM »
I would ask her what she is thinking about the offer. I would listen a lot, understand her priorities and point out a few pros and cons. If, at any time, she tries to change the subject or react in any way that shows she isn't willing to discuss it, I would congratulate her and drop the subject.

kareng57

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2012, 11:22:06 PM »
This is really outside of your sphere, unless you have a lot of inside-knowledge about your friend's industry.

If that's not the case, you could inform your friend that you are there for her but really can't offer any specific advice.

KenveeB

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2012, 11:32:56 PM »
Did she ask for your opinion? If not, stay out of it! Why does your friend taking a promotion or not have anything to do with you?

Roses

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2012, 12:33:28 AM »
If she asks for advice or opinions, then it might be ok to gently express your concerns; otherwise, stay out of it.

Sharnita

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2012, 08:37:22 AM »
Unless you have inside scoop that it is a set-up of some sort, like they are promoting her to a position they will then be doing away with I wouldn't say anything.

audrey1962

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #8 on: October 24, 2012, 09:43:59 AM »
Only if she asks for your opinion.

Perfect Circle

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #9 on: October 24, 2012, 09:45:17 AM »
It isn't your place to offer an opinion on this one.
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Winterlight

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2012, 09:48:09 AM »
What are your reasons? Is she unqualified? Is the new place failing? Is it a front for the mob?
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dawbs

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2012, 09:49:39 AM »
I think it depends on 1-how close you are and 2-the reason you feel she shouldn't take it.

There are an awful lot of variables.
If, for example, you were to tell me that this is a close friend who has some baggage dealing with harsh, misogynistic people and you happen to know that the boss she'd be working with is a *insert expletive of your choice here* chauvinist with severe anger management problems; I would tell you that giving your friend enough information to make an informed choice would be a kindness and is what a good friend does.

If, on the other hand, you tell me this is an acquaintance and you think that the new time constraints of the position will make it impossible for her to dedicate enough time to her volunteer work/hobbies/kids/whatever, I would tell you to MYOB.

To many variables.

MariaE

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2012, 10:03:09 AM »
Came here to put in my two cents but saw that Winterlight and dawbs had done it for me. It completely depends.
 
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WillyNilly

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2012, 11:22:06 AM »
A friend I work with was offered a promotion at another banking office by HER friend, an old coworker turned manager. Another friend at work and I think it's a terrible idea to take the promotion for many reasons. Should we talk to her-is it appropriate? Or just let natural clnsequences take the course? Thanks

It really depends on the reasons.

Either way I think at most you can bring up your concerns as questions - don't tell her to take or not take the job, but ask "have you considered [issue]?" or "will this affect [issue]?"  She might have had the same concerns but worked them out already or decided the pros outweigh the cons.

I used to work insane hours.  I had no time to do a lot of normal life stuff.  But the money I made and the experience I gained made sending out my laundry and using grocery delivery services worthwhile.  Many people thought it was ridiculous of me, but it worked for me and I have no regrets.  I've known people who commute from one state, clear across another, to a third state, daily.  It sounds insane but they used their commute time to listen to their college lectures and made good use of the time, so it was worth the pay increase and the time wasn't an issue.  I've known people to take what are quite hellish jobs but they knew that once they had 2 years or so under the belt they'd be able to (and have done) leverage that experience to get a quite cushy job. 

Sometimes the cons are worth it to some people.

Girlie

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Re: Is it appropriate to tell my friend not to take a promotion?
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2012, 11:26:49 AM »
If your friend asks what you think, I think it's okay to voice your concerns (politely, of course).

Otherwise, I'd advise that you leave it alone.