Just recently, my coworker requested a meeting between her, me, our boss, and our boss's boss.
The relevant background: we were on friendly terms when I was hired to help with her workload. Over time, and as I was given enough additional duties in a different area to change me to full time, her attitude changed. She began to blow hot and cold, became very critical of how I did our common duties, and regularly snubbed me when I entered our shared office.
Eventually, I moved to a different office in the building but we still had our common duties. She and I have to work as a team. I treated her more coolly but still cordially. If she didn't want to build a friendship, I would accept that.
Then we had a computer crash and lost two days' worth of files. She and I began to reconstitute those files. Unfortunately, I remembered a file I needed to redo, and that file overwrote one of hers. Oops.
She burst into my office and screamed at me to just stop. I tried to tell her it was only one file and I wasn't doing any more. She kept telling me in a painfully loud voice to just stop. So I raised my own voice and said "Don't yell at me!" Our boss overheard this and intervened. This was Friday. I came in on Monday to find an email from Coworker apologizing for her yelling at me. This was CC'd to Boss and BigBoss. I emailed her back to thank her for the apology.
But I have not forgiven Coworker. Her prior nasty behavior and this outburst just made me realize I never want to try again to be friends. I'm civil and professional but not friendly towards her.
Well, she called for this meeting because she wanted to know why the change, why my attitude was so bad, and so forth. Before this meeting, I had spoken to both Boss and BigBoss at different times. Coworker is known to be temperamental and officious in general. Anyway, we aired our perspectives in the meeting. Coworker wants me to be more polite. She says she has asked me for things nicely so why can't I be nice. I pointed out that she had damaged our relationship with her vicious outburst.
OK, so here's my etiquette question out of all of this:
If she says "Good morning" cheerily with a big grin, am I sufficiently polite to say "Good morning" in a flat tone with no expression? If she comes to my office door with a big grin and a sweet expression, am I being rude to politely say "Come in, have a seat, what can I do for you?" without smiling. And, if I need to go to her office, what do you suggest? Sometimes I need to ask her something, sometimes I need to speak to the other coworker now in my former desk.
Also, she'll ask me "Hi, how are you doing?" I just quickly say, "Fine, thank you." Then go on my way. I don't want to engage in chitchat with her.
So how is all that on the politeness scale, EHellions? I thought it was all acceptable but would welcome your feedback. I do try keeping my expression neutral but I guess my dislike is showing through.