What's in your Etiquette Repertoire?

[PastryGoddess]

I've heard of the others, but what is the TootsNYC special? 

I think it helps to count to 5 or ten before responding to something rude.  It allows you go center yourself and also lets the other person's words just hang there in the air for a bit. 

A blank look to something shocking works.

The TootsNYC special is named after a long time member of the forum here.  Basically it's a way of dealing with an overly nosy person by turning the questioning back onto them. 

[Deetee]

I've heard of the others, but what is the TootsNYC special? 

I think it helps to count to 5 or ten before responding to something rude.  It allows you go center yourself and also lets the other person's words just hang there in the air for a bit. 

A blank look to something shocking works.

The TootsNYC special is named after a long time member of the forum here.  Basically it's a way of dealing with an overly nosy person by turning the questioning back onto them.

I thought it was to always give the same response no matter how they phrased the question. It's a polite brick wall approach.

[PastryGoddess]

I've heard of the others, but what is the TootsNYC special? 

I think it helps to count to 5 or ten before responding to something rude.  It allows you go center yourself and also lets the other person's words just hang there in the air for a bit. 

A blank look to something shocking works.

The TootsNYC special is named after a long time member of the forum here.  Basically it's a way of dealing with an overly nosy person by turning the questioning back onto them.

I thought it was to always give the same response no matter how they phrased the question. It's a polite brick wall approach.

Maybe we need TootsNYC to referee

[MiseryLovesYou]

I put on an act of "genuinely confused".  It serves two purposes, the first being that it prevents me from over-reacting to rude people, and the second being that it gives people the opportunity to examine their own behavior by having to revisit their comments or actions.

It works best with a slight sideways tilt of the head, a bemused smile, and a comment to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I think I'm misunderstanding, what was that?" 

[Adelaide]

I like to be Captain Literal and take whatever anyone says at face value while giving them an answer. I also like Cold Truth when people get nosy-like when a stranger says "Boy, you look tired" I'll calmly say "I was up all night with my friend who has cancer". Or when someone comments that I'm being lazy and riding the elevator only one floor up I say "I fractured my foot kicking a man in the cup."

I don't do this stuff to friends or anything, this is reserved for strangers who want to get up in my business.

I'm really really awful at cold looks/stares. It's impossible if I'm trying. It just looks pathetic.

[littlelauraj]

I think my best move is, like so many others here, "the look".  I call it my mom look, and it even works on the dog.  Pursed lips, arched eyebrows.  It even worked on a total bore that I have to put up with at one of my community service projects.  I've never seen him shut his mouth so fast-wait, I've never seen him shut his mouth at all!  But he got in my face and I gave him the look, and that was all it took.   

[Amara]

A blank look, almost like a cold stare, but that isn't cold. More intellectual than blank too. Hold for a few seconds, then add a "Hummm." It says, "I hear you, I get it, but I don't take advice from strangers." 

[jmarvellous]

A really big smile and an "OK" that doesn't match my expression at all, or a furrowed brow and frown and a cheery, "Sure, whatever you say."

I think they confuse people enough that they're forced to reflect on what they just did.

I don't do this intentionally, but apparently I am an avid eye-roller.

[Baby Snakes]

I have the perfect librarian staring over the glasses look - I'm very good at that one.  I also developed my Mom look after I had kids.  My daughter says the Mom look scared her to pieces when she was little.

[PastryGoddess]

I have the perfect librarian staring over the glasses look - I'm very good at that one.  I also developed my Mom look after I had kids.  My daughter says the Mom look scared her to pieces when she was little.

This is really what I need to work on.  I mean I wear glasses 80% of the time, they've got to be good for something other than you know...seeing

[hobish]

I tend to be very direct with people who annoy me.  Instead of saying "I don't want to..." I say "I won't..." or "I'm not..."

I've been known to say "That's none of my business" when someone tries to gossip.  (I know telling someone that something is none of their business is rude, but I think it's perfectly fine to decide that something is none of my business.)

I like that phrase above.

I have definitely used that.

[hobish]

I've only used it once, but i was relieved to have "What an interesting assumption" in my pocket.

My family was at my grandparents' house when my Grandmom was dying. Her home health/hospice person was there and we were making conversation as i washed dishes and flitted about. In the conversation i said i live with my boyfriend and she threw out of nowhere, "So you're living in sin?"

I didn't know what to say. I was there with my family in a rough time, and the only other person in the room was my uncle who was losing his mother. "What an interesting assumption" popped right out of my mouth. It was the perfect answer. I wasn't going to discuss my feelings and i definitely wasn't going to defend my "living in sin."

I may have actually said, "What an interesting thing to say," but either way it worked and shut that right down.

[Venus193]

I have the Raised Eyebrow, the Glare of Death, and the Queen Victoria.  The latter is achieved by merely thinking what we have come to recognize as her signature line ("We are not amused.")

Unfortunately, it is sometimes necessary to use all three.

[PastryGoddess]

What is the facial expression for the Queen Victoria?   I've thought it, but I'm never sure how I should arrange my face.

[TootsNYC]

I have the "friendly request." "Could I ask you to...It would help me a lot."

And I can do that with kids really well! Not quite sure how I learned it, but I can get a lot of kids to do something I ask. I think it's cause I speak to them directly, person to person.

And I can explain things ("when you fiddle with the tray table, it makes my whole seat shake--I bet you can't tell it from there, but it does. It's really annoying. So of course, you're going to need to put it up and down now and then, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't fiddle with it more than you need to. Can I ask that favor of you?").

I've heard of the others, but what is the TootsNYC special? 

I think it helps to count to 5 or ten before responding to something rude.  It allows you go center yourself and also lets the other person's words just hang there in the air for a bit. 

A blank look to something shocking works.

The TootsNYC special is named after a long time member of the forum here.  Basically it's a way of dealing with an overly nosy person by turning the questioning back onto them.

I thought it was to always give the same response no matter how they phrased the question. It's a polite brick wall approach.

Maybe we need TootsNYC to referee

I like to call it the "cut and paste"--basically, it's to answer a nosy question with either a non-answer or a simple answer, and then never deviate from the wording. (If you can be a bit funny, it's especially effective).

("Why aren't you married yet?" "Because Archie Goodwin is a fictional character"/"It just hasn't worked out that way yet")

So no matter where they take the question ("why won't you answer me?" "Aren't there any nice guys at your work?"), you just repeat the answer over and over. They give up eventually. In my experience, it takes about 4 times, maximum. But you cannot deviate, not the tiniest bit.  The underlying message is, "This is all the answer I'm ever going to give you on this topic."