BG: A friend of mine Jill moved to another city for a great new job, but she has been coming back here to her Hometown on occasion to tie up loose ends here. It is also important to note that Jill is widely known for being a drama queen. I'm happy to spend time with her but also kind of glad about the distance (she used to consider me a very close friend, but even before she moved, we were down to occasional contact. It's not just me; lots of people like her but also keep her at arm's length.[end BG]
So the current issue: On Facebook, a mutual friend Anne and I both posted under someone's photo that we should visit this place soon. (we meant not in the next few days, but sometime!). Jill appeared and posted, "I'm in town! I'd love to get together this week!" Anne replied, "Oh, too short notice!! Next time!" (I knew that Anne was leaving for a trip in 3 days, and works a second job two nights a week in addition to her very busy regular job).
I replied too: "I'm booked solid till Saturday, but if you are still around then...?"
We then took it off Facebook. Jill sent me a text to which I replied, "Sorry, I'm occupied at the moment so I will have to chat later." It was true; another household member was demanding my attention and something was cooking on the stove.
Next text from Jill: "I am just tired of everyone saying they are too busy or it's too short notice. It makes me feel so unimportant."
This annoyed me. I was recovering from a minor day surgery, still somewhat sedated, and was trying to rest. The very next day, I was taking my elderly dad to a medical appointment we'd been waiting months for, and then I had to work, and then I had a class in the evening. The next day, I was going out of town for work and wouldn't be back till late. The next day, another appointment for my dad at a hospital, and then my other job, which is new and requires my focus. Etc etc. There was literally no gap until Saturday, even if I had been dying to see her.
So although I was occupied with more immediate concerns, I texted back (this is where I want to know if I was rude): "While sometimes people are available on short notice, you have to accept that often they are not" and I went on to describe my schedule for the next 4 days. And I finished with, "I'm free on Saturday if you are still around."
She said she didn't know if she'd still be around by then, and then berated me for "telling her off" saying she didn't need that, and that she hadn't been referring to me specifically. And again stated that she feels like people don't care. (If this were a true friend in crisis, I'd have taken the time to listen, but this is the way she's been for the 10 years I've known her).
At that point I really did need to stop standing there and texting and attend to what was going on in the house, so I just ignored. I meant to write her later, but then I never did. I was just tired of drama, ya know? It's been two weeks and we haven't made contact in any form, even though after that one busy week I had, I could have seen her and would have if she'd just laid off the guilt trip. Today I saw her update on Facebook saying how much "she appreciates all the amazing friends who took time out of their very busy schedules to help and support her while she was in town." I can't help but feel this was directed at me.
Two questions: 1) was my response to her first text rude? 2) Was it rude of me not to reply at all after that? I had debated sending her an explanatory message but I figured e-hell would have advised me to ignore.