Author Topic: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?  (Read 4640 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

atirial

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2625
  • just 'plane mad
    • Tirial & Errror blog
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #15 on: October 29, 2012, 06:00:38 AM »
As far as I know they've met once, possibly twice, and probably won't be meeting again. Living on the opposite sides of the country makes it very unlikely.

MrsCrazyPete

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 578
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #16 on: October 29, 2012, 06:18:56 AM »
My mom & stepdad and DH's parents see each other probably two or three times a year. They live quite close to each other, but none of them are very social. I don't think it would occur to them to invite the other couple to do anything. My dad & stepmom live on the other side of the state. They have arranged a couple of dinners with my in-laws in the past, when my parents come into town. However, different political ideas have mostly prevented subsequent invitations  ::)

DH and I will host Thanksgiving, for his parents and sister, and my mom and stepdad. It's much nicer for us so that we don't have to eat two dinners! However, none of the parents would dream of sharing a Christmas celebration with another set of parents. Maybe because gifts are involved?
Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here.

Brisvegasgal

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 176
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #17 on: October 29, 2012, 08:29:13 AM »
My parents and in-laws have zero contact ever since my youngest son's first birthday when my Mum humiliated me & my sister, was terribly rude about my Dad AND told my lovely MIL that her son dying (unexpectedly) at age 19 was not as bad as when she had a baby die at a few hours old.  My son is now 8. We have 2 sets of birthdays, 2 Christmases, 2 Father's Days...well you get the picture.  Actually it has worked out pretty well for us all and I no longer have to worry about what my Mum is going to do next.

demarco

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4166
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2012, 08:50:44 AM »
This is an interesting thread. 

My mother and DH's parents and his sister met at our wedding. They never saw, wrote,  or spoke to each other again after that day.  I made sure of it.  It wasn't too hard to carry off because they lived in different states and we always lived pretty far away from both families.

It worked out for the best. 

 


VorFemme

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12900
  • Strolls with scissors! Too tired to run today!
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2012, 09:18:41 AM »
My ILs and my parents "know" each other by sight - but even when they lived in the same town, they moved in different social, business, and church circles.  So they are more acquaintances who happen to have grandchildren in common than anything else.  I don't think that they have socialized since we moved out of that town and no longer have "open house" drop ins.  My parents now live an hour or so away and go back to that town only for specialist medical treatment (larger town with more specialists practicing).

I have been out to Ambrosia Hino's IL's (FIL & SMIL) for Thanksgiving twice and out to dinner with the family two or three times.  I was by myself with a house for sale in the area the first time and doulaing for the new grandbaby in 2010.  I've also been with them when they met with CrazyMIL in the past, but she's been dropped from the social circle since the bat poo hit the fan.......  I did see FIL & WonderfulSIL's step sister (hard to figure out too many letters in a row) the last time I was there - but his SMIL and step brother were in class or at home (respectively), so I didn't see them.

I'd say I still see more of them than my parents and ILs see of each other.

My father's parents and my mother's parents didn't socialize much - but they did send each other home canned jellies & such - depending on who had the space for a garden & time to can at the time.  Looking back - that seems to be the way MOST families I knew had their grandparents interact - at a remove and through the grandkids, if at all.

Now - Dad's family tree has about six surnames that keep repeating, generation after generation - back to the late 1780s (Mom was showing me the geneology this weekend) - but that is probably due to the family being in a particular region back when travel was a lot harder.  But Grandpa and Grandma both had names that had been on the family tree several times. 

Dad's mother's family reunion has cousins on his father's side of the family who show up because they are cousins, too - just not descended from the person that the family tree is supposed to date from (came over on a boat to Ellis Island in the 1880s) - the guy on the boat was a cousin to their ancestor, though, who came over on a different boat.

I mentioned about six names that keep cropping up through the family tree, right?  Those are two of the three surnames that show up most often.  That side of the family was all into farming in a small area in Texas and they still interact at the various family reunions a lot!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Sophia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11759
  • xi
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2012, 09:51:25 AM »
Growing up my Grandparents NEVER interacted.  My mother's parents thought Dad wasn't good enough for Mom, which obviously offended Dad's parents.  At my college graduation party, I was a little worried Evil Grandmother might start something ugly.

My MIL, on the other hand, does interact with my parents.  Not without us, though.  Partly it is because MIL doesn't really DO holidays, and so she has gone to my parent's house for some holidays.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15890
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #21 on: October 29, 2012, 10:27:04 AM »
My father's parents died before my parents ever met.  My maternal grandparents were on the other side of the pond and never visited the states.  I met my maternal grandmother when I visited Germany as a teen.

Interestingly, many of my friends repeated my parents' experience of this.  My friend Blanche married shortly after her mother died and the wedding was the only occasion on which her relatives and her wasband's relatives ever got together.  Considering what happened at the wedding that was probably a good thing.

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2334
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #22 on: October 29, 2012, 10:34:05 AM »
My parents and my in-laws were friends before my wife and I met.  My father and my MIL served on the board of a church group together.

Unfortunately, outside of church-related activities, they really don't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with each other because they're so busy.

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4253
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #23 on: October 29, 2012, 10:53:09 AM »
My parents and in-laws belong to the same religion but different branches, and see each other at church-wide functions sometimes. My MIL and sister have had church-related spats in the past and don't get along well, and I doubt my family and my ILs actually like each other, but they're polite enough.

They see each other at DS's birthday parties and church functions, total of 2-3x per year. If DH and I are traveling (usually once per year), the grandparents will work together to watch DS while we're gone. Mom will watch DS for a couple days and then MIL will pick him up, or vice versa.

It's nice having them on friendly terms, especially when it comes to the arrangements with DS. It's comforting to know that they can work it out between themselves when we're out of town. (For example, if MIL wants to change the pickup time, she will call my mom directly rather than using us as a go-between.)
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

pixel dust

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 542
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #24 on: October 29, 2012, 11:27:25 AM »
My mom's side and dad's side interact during joint celebrations - birthday's, graduation's, wedding's, and Thanksgiving since it's celebrated at my Mom's house. They've always gotten along really well and now that all the cousins are older, we all hang out often together. Often times the cousins from one side of the family will call the cousins from the other side of the family "fake cousins" since they're not actually related to each other but still consider then "family". Both families grew-up/live in the same general area except for a few families on each side.

Two of my Mom's niece's were invited to my Dad's niece's wedding this summer. Also, another of my Dad's nieces lived in Texas for a while and often visited/stayed at/did laundry at my Mom's sister's house who lived a short drive away.

As for my in-laws, my parents get along OK with them, but outside of joint family dinners we have every do often and joint celebrations (like my college graduation a couple years ago), they don't spend time together or keep up regularly even though they live less than 20 mins. from each other. They often ask about each other though, especially since both my Mom and my MIL are nurses, so everyone's health is always up for discussion (we're all pretty open about our health and any surgeries or appointments we have that are out of the ordinary, so discussing them with others isn't a big deal for us).
« Last Edit: October 29, 2012, 11:30:03 AM by pixel dust »

Judah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4769
  • California, U.S.A
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #25 on: October 29, 2012, 11:43:06 AM »
There's a lot of interaction in my family because once someone marries into the family, their whole family is now family.  It never seemed odd to me because it was just the way it always was.  My mom's family and my dad's family had known each other for generations, so the interaction was very natural.  My parent's and my in-laws have socialized, though not as much as they would have liked.  DH's siblings are usually present at my family's get-togethers. And DH and I have become good friends with my daughter's boyfriend's parents.  At my dad's funeral there were family members from all sides that had no blood relation to my dad at all. 
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11006
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #26 on: October 29, 2012, 11:56:52 AM »
With my family of origin? Minimal.  They liked each other well enough, but since they lived several hours from each other and my granddaddy didn't like to travel north of the Mason-Dixon, they seldom saw each other unless there was a big event.  Paternal grandparents lived in NJ, maternal lived in Virginia.  In fact, one of the few times they got Granddaddy to go north of the M-D, they got out of the car and took a picture of them dragging him over the line as he hung on to the sign marking the M-D line.

Even when we were speaking to my parents, my in laws avoided them as much as possible.  For one, the IL's are very introverted and I think my mother's extroverted ways were very overwhelming, but also because my mother is a snob and didn't do a great job of hiding her opinions of them.  (or rather her high opinion of herself-she likes to think she and my father are so much wealthier and smarter than IL's, and they're really not.  ::) )
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

MindsEye

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1118
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #27 on: October 29, 2012, 12:12:04 PM »
My family and my in-laws didn't meet until the day that DH and I got married.  (DH and I met in grad school.  My folks and my in-laws live several states away from each other.  And DH and I live a good long distance from all of them.)

We don't do joint visits or holiday get-togethers ever.  (See above - too much physical distance between all of the major players.)  My parents and in-laws exchanged contact information at the wedding, so for all I know they stay in some kind of touch.  I am pretty sure that they like each other well enough, but honestly neither side has ever been of the "your family is my family" all-inclusive mentality.  DH and I "split" holidays between his folks, my folks, and ourselves, so no one feels completely left out. 

Odds are that the next time that my in-laws and my family are in the same place at the same time will be when there is a funeral.  *shrug*  Sometimes that is just the way it is, especially these days when people no longer spend all of their lives in the same town, but move all over the place instead.

Just Lori

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4429
  • USA
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #28 on: October 29, 2012, 12:16:43 PM »
My husband's parents live in town, my parents live about five hours away from us.  When we celebrate Thanksgiving in town and my parents happen to be visiting, we all celebrate together.  Christmas day isn't an issue, as both my parents and I prefer to be in our own homes on Christmas day, gathering before or after December 25.

My husband's sister has local parents and local in-laws, and they always have two separate celebrations on Thanskgiving day.  They celebrate Christmas with his family on the Sunday before the holiday, and with our side of the family on Christmas day.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6435
Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #29 on: October 29, 2012, 12:57:14 PM »
I don't believe my parent's families interacted but our generation does with our sibling's relatives.  It could be because my siblings and I lost our parent's at a young age so we weren't "going home" for the holidays.  We created a new nuclear family and incorporated our in-laws into it. 

We host a lot of the holiday's and it is always a mixture of my siblings and their families and DH's parents, siblings and their families.  One of my sister's MIL always attended family holidays with us and one of my husband's sibling's MIL and SIL are frequent guests at get togethers. 

We regulary socialize with one of my sister's BILs and his wife and family. I know the niece of a different BIL's quiet well.  At my sister's 50th bday party (not hosted by me), 4 of DH's relatives were in attendance.  I've even attended get togethers with one of my newphew's SO's family.  When we hosted a small ladies luncheon for my MIL, one of my sister's and my aunt were part of the intimate lunch for 12.  They've all spent so much time together over the years that MIL considers the two of them her immediate family. 

But we all live in the same city so interaction is easy.