Author Topic: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?  (Read 4799 times)

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katycoo

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #30 on: October 29, 2012, 01:02:09 PM »
Ours live near enough and we do socialize together, usually for birthdays or mothers/fathers day if we host, we'll invite both sides. It's not often. Maybe twice a year.

CakeEater

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #31 on: October 30, 2012, 06:49:44 PM »
This is really interesting. My two sets of grandparents attended neighbouring churches of the same denomination and knew each other and lots of the same people. I grew up knowing all my married-in aunts and uncles' parents, siblings and their kids. My parents and DH's parents socialise quite happily at events at our house - birthday parties etc. We do Christmas/Easter etc separately.

White Dragon

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #32 on: October 30, 2012, 11:36:22 PM »
For my parents, when my Purple religion Dad and my Green religion mom got married, the bride's father refused to enter the church.
Partly it was a Purple-Geen thing and partly it was "There's a baby on the way. I guess we're getting married."
Grandpa was not happy.  ::)

Aside from the wedding, the two families withdrew to their respective coasts and I'm not sure they ever met again.
Both families accepted their children's spouse though and welcomed them into the family.
Ironically, after my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother died, Grandma E's and Grandpa B's visits to my parents would overlap and the two got along fine. (Grandpa B mellowed and got over his daughter converting to Purple.)

My parents and inlaws...well...they are polite to each other and there have been times when we've hosted both parties at the same time. They both do make a real effort to get along, which I am grateful for. Having said that, they would not be friends if we weren't involved. They are too different.
I do find it interesting that MIL has no problems catty, passive-agressive remarks to and about me, she leaves my mother alone. ::)

Soprych

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #33 on: October 31, 2012, 02:18:08 AM »
I can remember more than a few holidays and parties that were attended as follows: my two brothers and I, my mom, her mom, her sister, her sister's husband, her sister's husband's sister and father, her sister's twin daughters (the son had not yet been born, my dad, his mother and father, his grandmother, his brother, his brother's wife, his sons, his brother's wife's mother, father, brother and brother's girl friend.  We had a dining room table that seated 12, the kids table and kitchen table were pressed into service as needed.  When everyone was still alive we were all together.

mbbored

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #34 on: October 31, 2012, 02:28:58 AM »
In my own family, for the most part the only time my parents' families have interacted were my parents' wedding, my father's funeral and my sister's wedding, but they live several states apart and both sides are large. However, my dad's parents used to stop in and visit my mom's parents when they were on vacation in my maternal grandparent' town.

With my older brother, he and his wife are from different states and live in yet another, so my mother has only interacted with his in-laws at the wedding and when bro's FIL travels to our hometown for work, which is about once a year. Mom and the FIL go out to dinner.

My sister lives 30 minutes from our mom and her in-laws are an hour in the other direction. We get together as one large group for sis, BIL's and the kids' birthdays and major events, but not holidays. We've been invited to my BIL's siblings' weddings and baby showers and they've been invited to events for my siblings as well.

Fittingly for this topic, this weekend was my sister's birthday. She had my mom and her in-laws over for dinner. My mom gave herself a nasty burn while working in the kitchen and Sis's MIL was the one who insisted on taking my mother to the hospital. MIL then drove my Mom home, while FIL delivered mom's car, stopping to pick up food and disposable dishes so Mom wouldn't have to cook or clean up for a few days.

oogyda

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #35 on: October 31, 2012, 06:50:34 AM »
In 35 years, my parents and my in-laws have interacted with each other on 5 occasions. 

Our Wedding
ODD's High School Graduation
ODD's Wedding
YDD's High School Graduation
YDD's Wedding

They live on opposite ends of the country, and there just aren't many other opportunities for it. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

camlan

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #36 on: October 31, 2012, 07:08:37 AM »
Both my parents are from Boston, but from very different sections of the city.

My grandmothers knew each other from some committee that they were on, that focused on creating safe after-school activities for teenagers. My parents met during one of those activities, and got married several years later, when they had graduated college.

But the two families didn't mingle all that much, perhaps because my father was in the military and we didn't live in Boston. My grandparents would all show up at college graduations and weddings and, when we lived close enough, birthday parties and the like.

We always visited Boston when Dad could get leave, but the visits were spent bouncing back and forth between all the different houses, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins. Both sides certainly got along well. But there was a sense that one side should get to see us, and then the other side, so everyone would have more time to spend with everyone else.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, ďIím possible!Ē ĖAudrey Hepburn


MayHug

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #37 on: October 31, 2012, 10:18:12 AM »
This is a timely discussion for me. My daughter is married and lives several states away. Whenever we visit her in-laws try to insist on getting together several times. I feel as though I get to see my daughter and her family twice a year and  they live a few blocks away and can see them whenever, I'd rather not spend my time socializing with them. They are not people we would normally socialize with if they weren't related to our daughter.

I am going for an extended stay and her in-laws tried to insist I stay at their house! Admittedly my daughters big home is filled with children but that's why I'm going!! I want to spend time with her and her family.

My mothers parents were deceased when my parents married, so I have never encountered this before. I thought maybe I was the oddball for not wanting to spend time with them. But I'd definitely not stay with them!

stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #38 on: October 31, 2012, 10:48:09 AM »
Growing up, while my mom was married to step-dad, the two families interacted most holidays and at kidsí events (grandparents, cousins from both sides, etc). After the divorce, that didnít happen; we kids just went to both celebrations for every holiday. Other family groups, like mom and bio dadís, bio dadís and step-momís, etc donít/didnít really interact at all. Now the grandparents are all gone.

My family all lives in another state from SO and I, while his lives just a few blocks away from us. My mom met his parents when she came up for my college graduation a few years ago, but otherwise, they havenít interacted. My parents all ask how his parents are doing when we go home to visitóeven the three that havenít met his. His family didnít even give condolences when I rushed home for my grandmotherís funeral this summer (they knew), nevermind asking about how anyone else is doing. Short of milestones involving potential future children of ours, or maybe if we get married in a place both families are willing to travel to, I doubt theyíll ever spend time together.

I do enjoy his extended family, though. We visit his second cousins for certain holidays, and they have both sides of their family there.

*new*mommyagain36

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #39 on: October 31, 2012, 11:15:41 AM »
In a word?  None.  My family unit has shrunk considerably over the years, due mostly to deaths of matriarch and patriarch members.  For me and DH, our families prefer separate everything.  As for my extended family, my Dad's side always wanted separate everything although my Mom's side tried to include them in things like holidays, baby and bridal showers but to little avail.  A few members of Dad's family might show up but as a whole they wanted "their own" showers, etc.  Since my Dad is deceased I actually never see his side anymore, they do their own thing and do not include my Mom or us kids.
I would guess Weddings, Christenings or maybe a milestone birthday? I do not know of both families coming together otherwise.
"Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything.  14% of people know that" - Homer Simpson

Snooks

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #40 on: October 31, 2012, 01:58:29 PM »
I think there was a fair amount of interaction between my parents' families but I don't remember much because my last grandparent passed away when I was 7 but I've been told that my mum's nephew supports the sports team he does because of my dad's father.

My parents see my ILs whenever my ILs come to stay because my parents live in the same town as us and I've been told it's the "done" thing.  The only other time I can see them being in the same place is if we ever threw a party for DH (not that I can think we would) but my ILs wouldn't be invited to anything for me.

jmarvellous

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #41 on: October 31, 2012, 02:51:06 PM »
My parents' families were very different, and my parents' terribly rocky marriage didn't help relations. That said, they were there for graduations or big events, and their siblings got along OK with some appropriate exceptions -- my mom's sister and dad's brother even went on a couple of dates in high school. My mom's sisters were at my paternal grandmother's funeral and all considered her a good woman caught up in a weird world (my grandfather's).

My dad's family primarily was distant from mom's for religious/bigoted reasons, but they tended to be very close to any in-laws of their faith -- a great uncle and a cousin of my dad's married sisters; they kept in touch with everyone and had the most massive family/milestone events ever. My mom's family was distant from dad's because they were horrible, but many of her 6 siblings' families are close to both sides once married.


I wouldn't guess that my family and BF's would ever see much of each other -- they live far, far apart and aren't well-off so wouldn't be likely to travel. They certainly wouldn't clash, but they'd have next to nothing in common, either.

VorFemme

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #42 on: October 31, 2012, 06:07:23 PM »
MIL and FIL were neighbors.  She married her BFF's only brother...and lost the BFF (he was in the military - they moved a lot over the next twenty-or thirty years).  They did get along - but not like they did before BFF morphed into SIL (I think it was partly the moving around - his sisters stayed near their parents for the rest of their respective lives - I think one SIL is still around - but I wouldn't swear to it, as we find out when we get a Christmas card with a new husband's name on it or announcing that the uncle by marriage's wife died earlier in the year).
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Harriet Jones

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #43 on: October 31, 2012, 06:15:56 PM »
None, really.  There's no animosity, just several hundred miles. I know my parents send Christmas cards, but I don't know of any other interaction.

Baby Snakes

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Re: How much interaction is there between the two sides of your family?
« Reply #44 on: October 31, 2012, 06:52:43 PM »
Very little.  Our parents had never met MIL and FIL until the rehearsal dinner for our wedding.  They lived in Florida and my whole family lives in Maryland.  After MIL passed away FIL visited more often and usually stayed with SIL.  He did spend Christmas Day with my family at my mom's house one year  It was very nice and they got along great.