"Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue

[Redsoil]

"Given that both my husband and I are clean-living, responsible people who live a quiet life, I have to wonder at what sort of nasty mind you have to make such baseless assumptons.  I'm sure you would be extremely upset if someone said something like that to you, and I certainly don't appreciate it.  If you continue to harass me or spread untrue gossip, I'll be taking legal action."

No point fudging with this one.  Call her on it, and back it up!

[etiquetteE]

Agree - I would call the landlord and ask him if he knows this women and how he's dealt with her in the past, you would like some tips since she's become quite aggressive and accusatory.

I think I would respond to her next time she showed up with with...."What an interesting assumption.  I think it would be best if you stayed off our property and left DH and I alone or we will be forced to address your slanderous accusations by contacting a lawyer and the local authorities."

[Shoo]

I think I'd take a different approach.  I'd kill her with kindness and say, "Thanks so much for letting me know!  I will do my very best to take care of them (it).  Bye now!"  And then go inside.    Regardless of the condition of my landscaping, no matter what she says, I'd agree with her and promise to do my best.  I wouldn't get confrontational with her, I'd just take the wind right out of her sails.

[TurtleDove]

The OP would have a better read on her own personality and how the neighbor bat would react, but I would likely approach this with humor, as though the NB made the most hilarious joke. "Partying and doing drugs? Hah!  Not unless you consider paying bills and going to bed at 10:00 partying!"  And just refuse to acknowledge that she could possibly actually believe what she is saying.  Be blissfull and stupid, as though you don't realize she is trying to be insulting.

[JenJay]

I'd ignore her completely unless approached and accused again, then I'd say "This is the third time you've accused me of neglecting my home and abusing drugs. Both are horrible, untrue statements, and I'll thank you not to make them again. Have a good day." then turn and walk away.

I wouldn't worry too much about her harming your reputation in general, because I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood is fully aware of her issues. I would speak to your landlord about her and mention not only the wild accusations but the potential for them to hurt your careers if someone conducting a background check were to approach her. Maybe he'd be willing to put something in writing for you stating 1) you are a wonderful tenant, and 2) the neighbor is a nut job who thinks anyone under 50 is a drug-addicted hooligan.

[Hmmmmm]

While normally I deal with busy bodies with kindness, accusing you of illegal activies really goes beyond my ability to turn the cheek.  As other suggested, I'd contact your landlord and inform him of the issue.  And then the next time I saw her, I'd approach her and say "Miss, the last time we spoke, I was so astounded by your accusations, I didn't really know what to say.  But I want you to be aware that I've contacted our landlord to inform him of the slanderous and unfounded statements you made about me and my husband engaging in illegal activities.  I am also documenting the conversation for my records.  I suggest you keep your comments to yourself and stay away from my property or I will take legal action.  I will not be harrassed by people like you."

[Jones]

I'd have a hard time not saying, "Actually, my name is Ms. Y, and I would appreciate it if you called me that in the future." Then, turn a deaf ear when she says Young Lady, or  "Sorry, were you talking to me? My name is Ms. Y, flattered though I am at being referred to as both "young," and a "lady"!"

[katycoo]

Honestly I think any response other than a cheerful "ok" is feeding the trolls. Your ok doesn't mean you'll comply, just acknowledging her threats. What do you care?
I promise, your job/future career will not be jeopardized solely on the basis of the unsubstantiated rantings of a old lady.

[Firecat]

I'd have a hard time not saying, "Actually, my name is Ms. Y, and I would appreciate it if you called me that in the future." Then, turn a deaf ear when she says Young Lady, or  "Sorry, were you talking to me? My name is Ms. Y, flattered though I am at being referred to as both "young," and a "lady"!"

Would it actually be rude to respond to "Young Lady" with "Sorry, neither"? And then walk away while she's either gaping or trying to parse the response?

[heartmug]

Dead plants in planter boxes = hoodlums doing drugs.  I never put that together before.  Thanks.  Off to check my neighborhood.

In all seriousness, I think this is a person to be ignored.  I agree that the whole neighborhood already has her number.

[JeanFromBNA]

You've only had two verbal interactions with her in how long?  Really, I wouldn't waste time getting worked up over this.  Don't engage the crazy.  She wants attention.  Don't give it to her.  Next time she call out to you, just smile and wave and go in the house/car as if she were just saying hello. 

[gramma dishes]

...  Next time she call out to you, just smile and wave and go in the house/car as if she were just saying hello.

I agree with this (or I would just ignore her completely and pretend I neither saw nor heard her), but I would still mention it to the landlord.

If she escalates you may have to move on to steps two and three.

[Just Lori]

Don't try to have a rational discussion with an irrational person.  Walk away.  Give your landlord a heads up, and otherwise stay away from this woman. 

[Giggity]

It would affect DF similarly as the field he is in grad school for is one involving government security clearances and having a sketchy past would prevent him from ever obtaining a high level position and current allegations of drug use would get him immediately kicked out of his program, no questions asked.

Wow, so even an unfounded allegation would get him fired? That's wild.

[TealDragon]

It would affect DF similarly as the field he is in grad school for is one involving government security clearances and having a sketchy past would prevent him from ever obtaining a high level position and current allegations of drug use would get him immediately kicked out of his program, no questions asked.

Wow, so even an unfounded allegation would get him fired? That's wild.

It depends on how it is approached, but basically, yes. Allegations of illegal activity are considered unacceptable and while they are supposed to look into these things, they usually don't look very hard. People in his program have been kicked out for less. Apparently they have this story that circulates at the beginning of every year to the new grad students about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend and she got back at him by going to someone fairly high up in the food chain and saying that he regularly drove drunk and was an alcoholic who had guns without a license. Because it came from someone so close to him (and the story says she put on a good show), they really didn't pursue it and he was kicked out. No idea if this is true or just something they say to scare people, but that is the environment there. I have to think that if someone was wrongly kicked out, they'd be able to get back in somehow if they could prove it, I'm not sure if that would involve lawyers or something else, but would surely be a lot of hassle and time and money.

So yes, I'm probably panicking over nothing, when I realized the potential consequences I think my brain went a little crazy, and I appreciate the reassurances and pulling me back down to earth. 

I will definitely contact my landlord. I think we'll hold off on anything work related because there's no point in creating drama that doesn't need to be there. I may call the non-emergency police and see what they say about it. She makes me so mad every time I talk to her, so I think maybe ignoring her completely would be the best choice. No need to get my blood pressure up over some grouchy dingbat.