How to RSVP to a wedding invitation?

[Sapphire]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place - mods, please can you move it if you think it is necessary?

I have a dilemma in that my partner and I have received an invitation to the evening part of a wedding reception and I am not sure how to respond.

I am in the UK, and this kind of invitation is normal and not considered rude over here, so I am not looking for advice/opinions on the etiquette of this kind of invitation. There will likely be a finger buffet offered and a pay bar with dancing and socialising.

My problem is that I am currently suffering from cancer, and have been for some time, with my health being very up and down and unpredictable. For example, I have spent 2 of the last 3 weeks in hospital, but then I can go several weeks/months where, to the outside, you wouldn't know I was ill! This means that, on the date of the wedding in December, I don't know how I am going to be.

As I see it, our options are to accept the invitation, and let the hosts (parents of he bride) know of my health issues and say we may have to pull out at the last minute - but I don't want to come across as a SS - or just send our regrets now. The groom is a friend of my partner, who I have never met but there will be other friends of his there who I know. I know that my partner would not go without me, although I would be OK with that if he wanted to.

RSVP date is 31 October, so it is looming. I would be grateful for people's input as to what I should do for the best.

Many thanks :-)

[cicero]

best wishes for a healthy recovery! I've been in your dilemma while i was going thru cancer treatments - and you are correct, you don't know how you are going to feel tomorrow, next week, a month from now.

I would call the parents or the groom (whoever i s the one who is hosting) and say what you've said here. That you would love to come but are not sure how you will feel when the time comes. Ask what is the *real* cut off date that they need to know by, and you will have to play it by ear.

Your partner really should go anyway. I understand he doesn't want to go with out you but sometimes we gotta do things in life that we don't want to do. If he is a friend of the groom then he should go. and this way it will only be one "maybe", not two.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place - mods, please can you move it if you think it is necessary?

I have a dilemma in that my partner and I have received an invitation to the evening part of a wedding reception and I am not sure how to respond.

I am in the UK, and this kind of invitation is normal and not considered rude over here, so I am not looking for advice/opinions on the etiquette of this kind of invitation. There will likely be a finger buffet offered and a pay bar with dancing and socialising.

My problem is that I am currently suffering from cancer, and have been for some time, with my health being very up and down and unpredictable. For example, I have spent 2 of the last 3 weeks in hospital, but then I can go several weeks/months where, to the outside, you wouldn't know I was ill! This means that, on the date of the wedding in December, I don't know how I am going to be.

As I see it, our options are to accept the invitation, and let the hosts (parents of he bride) know of my health issues and say we may have to pull out at the last minute - but I don't want to come across as a SS - or just send our regrets now. The groom is a friend of my partner, who I have never met but there will be other friends of his there who I know. I know that my partner would not go without me, although I would be OK with that if he wanted to.

RSVP date is 31 October, so it is looming. I would be grateful for people's input as to what I should do for the best.

Many thanks :-)

[MariaE]

I completely agree with cicero.

[peaches]

I also agree with Cicero - that is a great reply.

I would let your partner make the call (to either his friend or the parents on the invite) and explain the situation. I'm sure they'll say "just come if you can". For the type of reception they are giving, having one or two guests who are "maybes" should not be a problem. 

I would not decline the invitation without explanation. That could cause hurt feelings; after all, this is a friend of your partner, who cared enough about the rel ationship to issue an invitation to you both.

I agree with Cicero that it would be nice if your partner could go, in the event that you don't feel up to it (and barring a real emergency). I have sent DH to events when I was unable to go, and a few times I have had to go somewhere without him. In those situations, we felt that the one attending was representing the two of us. And we weren't letting anyone else down.

I wish for a full recovery for you!

[mechtilde]

Cicero has absolutely the right idea.

I have had exactly this sort of RSVP from friends before now, and it really wasn't an issue. Some illnesses are simply beyond your control and hosts are usually very understanding about guests being unable to give absolutely concrete answers about whether or not they can come. The fact that it isn't a full plated sit down meal makes it less of a worry too as the caterers may not need absolute numbers and food choices by X date.

[Sapphire]

Thank you everyone for your replies, and your good wishes 

It seems you are all in agreement, so I will have my partner make the call tomorrow so that we are within the RSVP date and the hosts are fully appraised of the situation. I hope that we can go, as I like a good wedding celebration!