Author Topic: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion  (Read 7706 times)

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sparksals

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2012, 12:05:18 AM »
Considering the OP is pregnant, she should be able to cook and eat whatever she pleases.  Of course, make sure meals aren't entirely pork for her mother, just like I'm sure her mother will ensure the OP has food she enjoys, like bacon after the baby is born.  It is a two way street.

  to me the pregnancy is a red herring. A host who is not pregnant would have the same right under etiquette to cook and eat whatever they please as one who is pregnant. The only thing either one had to do is assure that their guests have something to eat.


Absolutely.  I made the point to counter the thoughts from some that she should just suck it up and  not serve anything that is not part of the guest's religion.  I don't think that is fair or required.  Even if she wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't be a requirement.  The fact the OP is about to give birth any second gives her some extra clout in the food department.  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

snowdragon

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #16 on: October 30, 2012, 12:27:39 AM »
Considering the OP is pregnant, she should be able to cook and eat whatever she pleases.  Of course, make sure meals aren't entirely pork for her mother, just like I'm sure her mother will ensure the OP has food she enjoys, like bacon after the baby is born.  It is a two way street.

  to me the pregnancy is a red herring. A host who is not pregnant would have the same right under etiquette to cook and eat whatever they please as one who is pregnant. The only thing either one had to do is assure that their guests have something to eat.


Absolutely.  I made the point to counter the thoughts from some that she should just suck it up and  not serve anything that is not part of the guest's religion.  I don't think that is fair or required.  Even if she wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't be a requirement. The fact the OP is about to give birth any second gives her some extra clout in the food department.  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.

Luci

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #17 on: October 30, 2012, 01:02:06 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.

snowdragon

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #18 on: October 30, 2012, 01:08:07 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.

  yes, but all that does not mean she has more of a right to have something she wants that's not on a guests restricted diet than anyone else.  The host makes the decisions on what they will serve and need - regardless of reproductive choices, saying that a pregnant woman has more of right to have things she wants in her own home than a non pregnant host, is just unfathomable to me. It's a red herring, either hosts have the right not to subscribe to a guests religious ( or other wise ) diet or they don't, pregnant or not. 

Luci

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2012, 01:19:03 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.

  yes, but all that does not mean she has more of a right to have something she wants that's not on a guests restricted diet than anyone else.  The host makes the decisions on what they will serve and need - regardless of reproductive choices, saying that a pregnant woman has more of right to have things she wants in her own home than a non pregnant host, is just unfathomable to me. It's a red herring, either hosts have the right not to subscribe to a guests religious ( or other wise ) diet or they don't, pregnant or not.

My point is made. No JADE here.

sparksals

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #20 on: October 30, 2012, 01:37:25 AM »
Considering the OP is pregnant, she should be able to cook and eat whatever she pleases.  Of course, make sure meals aren't entirely pork for her mother, just like I'm sure her mother will ensure the OP has food she enjoys, like bacon after the baby is born.  It is a two way street.

  to me the pregnancy is a red herring. A host who is not pregnant would have the same right under etiquette to cook and eat whatever they please as one who is pregnant. The only thing either one had to do is assure that their guests have something to eat.


Absolutely.  I made the point to counter the thoughts from some that she should just suck it up and  not serve anything that is not part of the guest's religion.  I don't think that is fair or required.  Even if she wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't be a requirement. The fact the OP is about to give birth any second gives her some extra clout in the food department.  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.


She shouldn't have to alter her diet or eating habits for someone else's limitations.  As long as there is sufficient food for the others to eat, she shouldn't be going extra mile to avoid foods for herself that she may like since she is about to give birth.  Let her eat whatever she wants.

sparksals

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2012, 01:38:20 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.


Yes.  This. 

sparksals

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #22 on: October 30, 2012, 01:40:54 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.

  yes, but all that does not mean she has more of a right to have something she wants that's not on a guests restricted diet than anyone else.  The host makes the decisions on what they will serve and need - regardless of reproductive choices, saying that a pregnant woman has more of right to have things she wants in her own home than a non pregnant host, is just unfathomable to me. It's a red herring, either hosts have the right not to subscribe to a guests religious ( or other wise ) diet or they don't, pregnant or not.


Honestly, I think you are reading too much into it.  The woman is about to give birth.  Let her eat whatever she dang well pleases.   All I was commenting on is someone upthread saying she should  limit what she likes to accommodate the guest.   We essentially agree. 

snowdragon

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #23 on: October 30, 2012, 02:28:10 AM »
b]  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.
\
I hope I clipped this correctly.

The point is that anyone, particularly a pregnant woman, has cravings for certain foods. Usually, there are nutritional needs for the food craved. Even the pickles and ice cream of silly tradition means the woman needs calcium, sugar, and salt. Calcium is obvious, sugar for energy, and salt for leg cramps to hold water.

If the pregnant woman craves bacon, her body probably knows it gets salt and protein and fat from that flavor.

I craved marshmallows for a couple of weeks during my first pregnancy. After I thought about it, I realized that I simply wasn't getting enough sugar. I switched to orange juice and an extra egg, and I was good and nutritionally sound again, and I lost the marshmallow craving.

The alcohol, I wouldn't know.

  yes, but all that does not mean she has more of a right to have something she wants that's not on a guests restricted diet than anyone else.  The host makes the decisions on what they will serve and need - regardless of reproductive choices, saying that a pregnant woman has more of right to have things she wants in her own home than a non pregnant host, is just unfathomable to me. It's a red herring, either hosts have the right not to subscribe to a guests religious ( or other wise ) diet or they don't, pregnant or not.


Honestly, I think you are reading too much into it.  The woman is about to give birth.  Let her eat whatever she dang well pleases.   All I was commenting on is someone upthread saying she should  limit what she likes to accommodate the guest.   We essentially agree.

except for the fact that once she is not pregnant she loose "clout" to eat what she wants. What then? If you start from the position that no one has to give up things they enjoy to conform to someone else's religion/ethics/ect then she can eat what she wants with out worrying about it, so can her husband, other guests, and they can continue to do so in the future, I don't think giving an excuse like pregnancy is a good way to go, because then you have to address it for everyone else, come up with a reason why they don't need to acquiesce to another person''s restrictions and do so everytime time they come.
  I also don't like the idea of conforming for the first few meals they are there because then they have the ammunition of saying "but you did it before, you have to do it now, or you're disrespecting/offending/ect my choices"  and you're stuck. If you start as you mean to go on, with no apologies or excuses or reasons, it will be much more equal in the relationship with no expectations that one gets to over rule the other's choices.
  I don't think I am explaining it well...but for me it boils down to you eat how you want to, I'll eat how I want to, and neither has to suck it up and give in to the other person's diet.

alis

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #24 on: October 30, 2012, 05:42:35 AM »
Thank you everyone for all the great responses, you have given me a lot to think about.

To clarify- it's not just me, I have my husband, my other child, my sister is coming along too (she is Christian, not Muslim), and other visiting nearby family (we live in Quebec and a baby is celebrated with wine/beer without question), so it's a bit of balance trying to accommodate all.

My mother is not the kind to complain or speak up if she is bothered by it, which is why I'd like to ask everyone. She is here for a week, on her own expense (something she really can't afford much), to help me out with my new baby, do laundry, cleaning, etc. so it's not just a few dinners here and there, but wanting to make sure I can show her how much I appreciate her visit/help, since I have other kids she will be watching too.

As for being pregnant, I was due yesterday, and there is no room for any food in my stomach anymore LOL, I am barely eating at this point. It is balancing my husband/his family's desire for traditional Quebecois pork cuisine/alcohol with my mother.

Just Lori

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #25 on: October 30, 2012, 07:23:46 AM »
I'm going to go a little against the tide here and say that because Mom is doing you a huge favor, I would try to accommodate any concerns she might have.  But instead of asking if it's OK to serve pork, I would ask, "How would you like me to handle pork products and alcohol while you're here?"  That opens the door for her to say not to worry, or to ask that different utensils and containers be used during food prep and storage.

sparksals

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #26 on: October 30, 2012, 07:46:44 AM »
Ohhh...what is the traditional Quebecois pork cuisine?   Would love details and a recipe.   

Since this is a cultural tradition, I'm sure your mom can deal. 

Giggity

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #27 on: October 30, 2012, 08:57:24 AM »
Considering the OP is pregnant, she should be able to cook and eat whatever she pleases.  Of course, make sure meals aren't entirely pork for her mother, just like I'm sure her mother will ensure the OP has food she enjoys, like bacon after the baby is born.  It is a two way street.

  to me the pregnancy is a red herring. A host who is not pregnant would have the same right under etiquette to cook and eat whatever they please as one who is pregnant. The only thing either one had to do is assure that their guests have something to eat.


Absolutely.  I made the point to counter the thoughts from some that she should just suck it up and  not serve anything that is not part of the guest's religion.  I don't think that is fair or required.  Even if she wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't be a requirement. The fact the OP is about to give birth any second gives her some extra clout in the food department.  Let her have what she wants when she wants it.

  I don't understand that at all.

She shouldn't have to alter her diet or eating habits for someone else's limitations.  As long as there is sufficient food for the others to eat, she shouldn't be going extra mile to avoid foods for herself that she may like since she is about to give birth.  Let her eat whatever she wants.

She shouldn't have to alter her diet or eating habits for someone else's limitations even if she's NOT pregnant. No one should.
Words mean things.

NyaChan

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #28 on: October 30, 2012, 09:24:55 AM »
This is not specific to this thread, but it is something that's been bugging me and is relevant - I get the whole my house, my rules thing - believe me I do!  I just don't understand why there is such a strong sentiment on this site sometimes to use that rule like a weapon when it isn't necessary (as in when no one is fighting the house rules or demanding anything at all). 

Yeah it is my house and as long as I'm serving sufficient nutrition to each guest, I can otherwise serve what I like, but what ever happened to hospitality?  If I invite someone into my home, I want them to be comfortable, I want them to be happy.  Even if the guest wouldn't care what I'm eating, food is something to be shared and why can't I just eat the chicken and dumplings I'd be happy to eat anyways rather than making it for the guest and going with potato soup w. bacon for myself?  It doesn't require me to go out of my way, and even if it did, I might do it anyways, because they are guests in my home. 

I think in this situation with multiple guests, with multiple preferences, having sufficient pork-free items for mom while still serving some pork for the guests who expect it is preferable so that everyone gets things they like.  But even when it is just OP's mom and OP in the house, absent some incredible craving for pork, is it really going to kill her to forgo it for a while?  Obviously she doesn't have to, and wouldn't be rude to eat it anyways, but what would it cost her to serve only dishes without pork?. 

LeveeWoman

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Re: Hosting with food restrictions due to religion
« Reply #29 on: October 30, 2012, 09:41:46 AM »
Multiple guests? Alis' sister and mom are coming. Only her mom has an issue.