This is not specific to this thread, but it is something that's been bugging me and is relevant - I get the whole my house, my rules thing - believe me I do! I just don't understand why there is such a strong sentiment on this site sometimes to use that rule like a weapon when it isn't necessary (as in when no one is fighting the house rules or demanding anything at all).
Yeah it is my house and as long as I'm serving sufficient nutrition to each guest, I can otherwise serve what I like, but what ever happened to hospitality? If I invite someone into my home, I want them to be comfortable, I want them to be happy. Even if the guest wouldn't care what I'm eating, food is something to be shared and why can't I just eat the chicken and dumplings I'd be happy to eat anyways rather than making it for the guest and going with potato soup w. bacon for myself? It doesn't require me to go out of my way, and even if it did, I might do it anyways, because they are guests in my home.
I think in this situation with multiple guests, with multiple preferences, having sufficient pork-free items for mom while still serving some pork for the guests who expect it is preferable so that everyone gets things they like. But even when it is just OP's mom and OP in the house, absent some incredible craving for pork, is it really going to kill her to forgo it for a while? Obviously she doesn't have to, and wouldn't be rude to eat it anyways, but what would it cost her to serve only dishes without pork?.
Excellent post, especially the bolded, NyaChan. This is a rare time when I disagree with you, Sparksals!
I feel so bad when I read posts that say, essentially, "You have the right! If they feel bad, they're wrong. It's your house, so only your feelings count. As long as they don't have to eat it and get fed somehow, it's none of their business. Accommodating others when you're not required to by etiquette is being a doormat. Never go the extra mile for others!" I mean, that's way, way overstating what people have posted here. But it's kind of the logical extension of how the position sounds to me.
That said, I don't think it would be RUDE for the OP to serve pork. And I don't eat pork, either, also for religious reasons. I can tell you how I would feel -- in fact, do feel -- when I visit others and they serve pork. I am not offended. I just don't eat it. If they served it as the main course, knowing we won't eat it, I kind of wonder why they made that choice (if we are the only guests, not a huge event). But I don't think it's rude and I'm not offended.
My point is just that simply not being rude or offensive isn't the end of the inquiry for me. I like to be a good host and make my guests feel as welcome and important as possible.
In this case, I don't see a problem at all. The OP obviously has a good attitude about all this. And it's her MOM, with whom she is evidently close enough to have her come stay and help, so I would think also to be able to discuss stuff like this. If I were her, I'd probably just skip the pork for regular family meals (as much as for simplicity as for graciousness), and at some point say something like, "Mom, it's really traditional here to have [name of pork dish] and alcohol at [post-baby event(s)]. We were planning on serving both. Is that going to make you feel uncomfortable? How should we handle this?" It sounds like her mom will say something like, "Oh, absolutely no problem, don't give it a thought," and mean it, too, and there you are. But I think she will feel good that you asked. It shows respect -- not for her religion, exactly, but for her feelings. Which, come to think of it, as your mother and your guest, is what she is due and what the OP, as a gracious daughter and host, seems to to want to give.
