"Ms" the [b]only[/b] acceptable title for women?

[Shea]

I prefer Ms. personally, and if I don't know what a woman prefers to be called, I use Ms. by default. That said, I think that it's far more disrespectful to refuse to call a woman by her preferred title (assuming she's not demanding to be called Dr. when she's not one, or some other title she hasn't earned). If a woman prefers Miss or Mrs., that's what should be used.

However, if you know your professor will lower your grade for using Mrs. (which is utterly ridiculous, and I say that as a proud feminist), you should probably use Ms. It's not worth risking your grade.

[Editeer]

You can always blame technology and say, " I understand your preference, Mrs. Vasquez, but the computer only lets us enter Mr or Ms." 

[WonderWoman]

Pass the class by doing what prof says. But in the real world, I echo previous posters who say to respect the preference of the individual woman.

I have been a "Ms." since I was a teenager. I recall correcting a salesman who called me, "Miss," when I was 18.
I told him, "It's Ms."
"Ms.? I didn't think anyone went by that anymore," he said.
"I do," I replied.

For me, it comes down to the fact that I don't want to be identified by my relationship to a man. "Mr" says nothing about a man's marital status. But Miss/Mrs immediately identifies a woman's. My sexual availability/unavailability is not relevant to anyone but me. (Well, and DH.  )

[ladyknight1]

When I was hired at the university six years ago, my then boss and human resources representative insisted I use Ms. instead of Mrs. on my hiring forms. She altered the forms after I completed them and was adamant for the six months I worked for her that I only refer to female staff as Dr. or Ms., never anything else.

I just don't get the insistence on using Ms. when the person doesn't agree.

[KenveeB]

From an HR standpoint, maybe it was to prevent (or in response to) claims of discrimination based on marital status?

[blarg314]

One thing I would suggest in a professional setting -

If a document is to be passed through multiple people, or someone else might be reading it (other than the recipient), then attach a post-it or make an annotation somewhere in the files that the recipient prefers to be called Mrs (or Miss).  That way *you* avoid the issue of being considered unprofessional by using titles in a way that doesn't conform to the standard.

If you work for a company where the policy is to use "Ms" in all cases, then you should probably revert to that, even if you know that the other person prefers Mrs or Miss, to protect yourself.

[Sootikin]

I am old.

I loath "Ms" but I know that is what is accepted now so I don't fight it.
It is all politics like this in the long run, and it makes me tired.

What would you personally want to call someone who is married but did not take her husband's name?  I'm just curious because you loath "Ms" but a married woman who didn't take her husband's name can't really be "Miss" or "Mrs".  Right? 

Just trying to figure it out. 

Personally, I wish there was one "M" title for women so that we didn't have these "politics".    Miss is my favorite I think.

I've been Mrs Mymaidenname for the 15+ years I've been married.  Why on earth can't I be a Mrs if I haven't taken his name?

[Horace]

I think I'm in the minority but I loathe "Ms".  I have noticed that in the last couple of years I've started being referred to as "Ms [LastName]" and I've asked the companies involved to use "Miss" unless I tell them otherwise.  As far as I'm concerned, I will be a "Miss" until/if I get married and then I'll become a "Mrs".  However, I would never dream to address someone whose preference was "Ms" as anything else.  I was always brought up to address people in the way they introduced themselves and calling them anything different would be incredibly rude

[MariaE]

I think I'm in the minority but I loathe "Ms".  I have noticed that in the last couple of years I've started being referred to as "Ms [LastName]" and I've asked the companies involved to use "Miss" unless I tell them otherwise.  As far as I'm concerned, I will be a "Miss" until/if I get married and then I'll become a "Mrs".  However, I would never dream to address someone whose preference was "Ms" as anything else.  I was always brought up to address people in the way they introduced themselves and calling them anything different would be incredibly rude

I'm right there with you!

Not to mention that I honestly can't hear the difference between Ms and Miss. They sound as similar as write and right to me... Meaning I might accidentally offend people because they think I'm calling them Miss when I really think I'm saying Ms. In the part of New Zealand I grew up in they sounded exactly the same.

[Mental Magpie]

I think I'm in the minority but I loathe "Ms".  I have noticed that in the last couple of years I've started being referred to as "Ms [LastName]" and I've asked the companies involved to use "Miss" unless I tell them otherwise.  As far as I'm concerned, I will be a "Miss" until/if I get married and then I'll become a "Mrs".  However, I would never dream to address someone whose preference was "Ms" as anything else.  I was always brought up to address people in the way they introduced themselves and calling them anything different would be incredibly rude

I'm right there with you!

Not to mention that I honestly can't hear the difference between Ms and Miss. They sound as similar as write and right to me... Meaning I might accidentally offend people because they think I'm calling them Miss when I really think I'm saying Ms. In the part of New Zealand I grew up in they sounded exactly the same.

Ms., to me, is pronounced Mizz like in misery while Miss is pronounced like in mistake.

[MariaE]

I think I'm in the minority but I loathe "Ms".  I have noticed that in the last couple of years I've started being referred to as "Ms [LastName]" and I've asked the companies involved to use "Miss" unless I tell them otherwise.  As far as I'm concerned, I will be a "Miss" until/if I get married and then I'll become a "Mrs".  However, I would never dream to address someone whose preference was "Ms" as anything else.  I was always brought up to address people in the way they introduced themselves and calling them anything different would be incredibly rude

I'm right there with you!

Not to mention that I honestly can't hear the difference between Ms and Miss. They sound as similar as write and right to me... Meaning I might accidentally offend people because they think I'm calling them Miss when I really think I'm saying Ms. In the part of New Zealand I grew up in they sounded exactly the same.

Ms., to me, is pronounced Mizz like in misery while Miss is pronounced like in mistake.

See, those 'mis'-sounds sound the same to me too

[Mental Magpie]

I think I'm in the minority but I loathe "Ms".  I have noticed that in the last couple of years I've started being referred to as "Ms [LastName]" and I've asked the companies involved to use "Miss" unless I tell them otherwise.  As far as I'm concerned, I will be a "Miss" until/if I get married and then I'll become a "Mrs".  However, I would never dream to address someone whose preference was "Ms" as anything else.  I was always brought up to address people in the way they introduced themselves and calling them anything different would be incredibly rude

I'm right there with you!

Not to mention that I honestly can't hear the difference between Ms and Miss. They sound as similar as write and right to me... Meaning I might accidentally offend people because they think I'm calling them Miss when I really think I'm saying Ms. In the part of New Zealand I grew up in they sounded exactly the same.

Ms., to me, is pronounced Mizz like in misery while Miss is pronounced like in mistake.

See, those 'mis'-sounds sound the same to me too

Haha, then I don't know what to tell you  .  I can definitely hear a difference.

[sunnygirl]

I've been Mrs Mymaidenname for the 15+ years I've been married.  Why on earth can't I be a Mrs if I haven't taken his name?

I don't think there's anything wrong at all, or even unusual, about someone going by Mrs Maiden name. It's a personal choice. Being married and wanting to use a married title doesn't have anything to do with the decision which surname to use, imo.

[Tiamet]

I've been Mrs Mymaidenname for the 15+ years I've been married.  Why on earth can't I be a Mrs if I haven't taken his name?

The way it was explained to me is that 'Mrs. Smith' means married to Mr. Smith.  If you continue to use your maiden name of Jones, as you are not married to Mr. Jones, you cannot be Mrs. Jones, only Ms. or Miss.

Personally, I don't care - it should be up to the individual woman.  The two women I know best who haven't changed their names professionally, both use their husband's name in their personal life.  One uses Ms. Maidenname at work and the other is a medical doctor and therefore the issue doesn't apply, as she is addressed as Dr. Maidenname.

[Marisol]

I've been Mrs Mymaidenname for the 15+ years I've been married.  Why on earth can't I be a Mrs if I haven't taken his name?

The way it was explained to me is that 'Mrs. Smith' means married to Mr. Smith.  If you continue to use your maiden name of Jones, as you are not married to Mr. Jones, you cannot be Mrs. Jones, only Ms. or Miss.

That is what I was thinking.  If I kept my last name I would personally find it hard to call myself Mrs. Maidenname because I am not married to Mr. Maidenname.  I'm married to Mr. Hislastname.  But if someone called me Mrs. Hislastname socially I would agree that I am also Mrs. Hislastname. 

But really you can do what ever you want to do it seems.  Most people don't care.