When a former friend realizes they're "former"

[dharmaexpress]

Anyways, since I find racism to be extremely disturbing, I decided to take a stand on this one.

"Linda,
Actually, you are mistaken about the cocktail party. I was really disgusted by your comments at Happy Hour, and even if you meant them as a joke, I'd rather not spend my time with people who think racism is funny. Please stop contacting me and coming by my office.
mbbored"

Great response; it puts the burden of shame where it belongs, but it's civil.  I too am interested in what she'll say to that.

[NyaChan]

Great response!  Would love to hear how she responds.

[jedikaiti]

Anyways, since I find racism to be extremely disturbing, I decided to take a stand on this one.

"Linda,
Actually, you are mistaken about the cocktail party. I was really disgusted by your comments at Happy Hour, and even if you meant them as a joke, I'd rather not spend my time with people who think racism is funny. Please stop contacting me and coming by my office.
mbbored"

Great response; it puts the burden of shame where it belongs, but it's civil.  I too am interested in what she'll say to that.

Perfect! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that she just leaves you alone, but I wouldn't bank on it.

[SleepyKitty]

Anyways, since I find racism to be extremely disturbing, I decided to take a stand on this one.

"Linda,
Actually, you are mistaken about the cocktail party. I was really disgusted by your comments at Happy Hour, and even if you meant them as a joke, I'd rather not spend my time with people who think racism is funny. Please stop contacting me and coming by my office.
mbbored"

Great response; it puts the burden of shame where it belongs, but it's civil.  I too am interested in what she'll say to that.

Perfect! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that she just leaves you alone, but I wouldn't bank on it.

mbbored, good for you on taking a stand. I completely agree with the above, however. I can't think of a single time when I have bluntly told someone to stop contacting me or to leave me alone when the person has actually complied. Mostly because if someone is so clueless or determined that they actually NEED to be told to back off, they're usually too entitled to actually listen. It's worth doing anyway, because that way you can prove you've told them to back off, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

I think you acted completely correctly and I hope she accepts it without drama!

[nyarlathotep]

"Linda,
Actually, you are mistaken about the cocktail party. I was really disgusted by your comments at Happy Hour, and even if you meant them as a joke, I'd rather not spend my time with people who think racism is funny. Please stop contacting me and coming by my office.
mbbored"

*applause*

Please let us know how you get on!

[Raintree]

When's the cocktail party? Please tell me she didn't show up, or try to argue about not being invited.

[mbbored]

When's the cocktail party? Please tell me she didn't show up, or try to argue about not being invited.

The party is in two weeks. So far, there's been radio silence: no texts, long voicemails or visits to my office.

I figure this is going to go one of two ways: either she steps up her efforts, or based on her previous experiences with "mean people" she immediately starts telling people I'm the most evil person ever.

[KenveeB]

Keep that spine o' steel shiny! You're doing great so far.

[PastryGoddess]

When's the cocktail party? Please tell me she didn't show up, or try to argue about not being invited.

The party is in two weeks. So far, there's been radio silence: no texts, long voicemails or visits to my office.

I figure this is going to go one of two ways: either she steps up her efforts, or based on her previous experiences with "mean people" she immediately starts telling people I'm the most evil person ever.

[sarcasm] I'm sure you'll be devastated [/sarcasm]

[MyFamily]

When's the cocktail party? Please tell me she didn't show up, or try to argue about not being invited.

The party is in two weeks. So far, there's been radio silence: no texts, long voicemails or visits to my office.

I figure this is going to go one of two ways: either she steps up her efforts, or based on her previous experiences with "mean people" she immediately starts telling people I'm the most evil person ever.

[sarcasm] I'm sure you'll be devastated [/sarcasm]

Yes, I'd view being called the most evil person ever by this person the same way I view my kids calling me mean - it means I'm doing something right.  In this case, you are removing someone from your life who espouses an incredibly nasty POV about people.  So, wear the title she is giving you with pride!

[doodlemor]

So how did it go, mbbored?  Did Linda show? 

[mbbored]

So how did it go, mbbored?  Did Linda show?

She didn't show up to the party last night but did leave a message on my Facebook saying "I hope you have a great day!" At one point a friend asked me privately where Linda was. I told her that we had a falling out but didn't want to announce it to the world. Friend said she wasn't surprised and was glad for a slightly more low key get together.

Really over the past few weeks, except for the Facebook message she has given me space and still hasn't come by my office, texted or emailed me. In the meantime several people have had different gatherings and she hasn't been invited to any of them. I'm pretty sure Linda is on her way out of the group and now I almost feel bad that apparently I'm the one who kept her in it for so long.

[doodlemor]

I'm pretty sure Linda is on her way out of the group and now I almost feel bad that apparently I'm the one who kept her in it for so long.

Thanks for the great update!

Don't feel bad.  You were kind to Linda, and gave her every chance.  It's her own fault that she is excluded now.

[VorFemme]

Someone quit coming to our Red Hat Society meetings for several months - until they apologized to the group's *leader* for what they'd accused her of.

A secretary of one group can be a leader of a second and a treasurer of a third without getting mixed up as to which group owns WHAT - and if the items in question belong to her and they are loaned to all three groups in turn, it is not "stealing" for the owner to take them back home after each event.

Apparently "loaned" to her is the same as "donated" rather than "donated the use of"......but she is only recently back in the group.  We'll have to see what happens over the next few months.  Apparently she likes the taste of her foot, because this isn't the first time she's stuck in in her mouth......

[PastryGoddess]

Someone quit coming to our Red Hat Society meetings for several months - until they apologized to the group's *leader* for what they'd accused her of.

A secretary of one group can be a leader of a second and a treasurer of a third without getting mixed up as to which group owns WHAT - and if the items in question belong to her and they are loaned to all three groups in turn, it is not "stealing" for the owner to take them back home after each event.

Apparently "loaned" to her is the same as "donated" rather than "donated the use of"......but she is only recently back in the group.  We'll have to see what happens over the next few months.  Apparently she likes the taste of her foot, because this isn't the first time she's stuck in in her mouth......

Maybe you guys should offer her some carrots and potatoes to make a stew next time