Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date? UPDATE #29

[Samgirl2]

I met a guy online and we sent a few emails over the space of about 2 weeks (sometimes he would take days to reply saying work was busy) before he gave me his number and said we should meet once he came back from a work trip overseas. I gave him my number and told him to call me when he got back.

So, he texts me the day he gets back (Saturday) and asks if I'm free for coffee on Sunday afternoon. We meet up and it seems to go well but I only have an hour as I had a prior appt so I had to leave. I felt bad because he seemed really nice so I texted him as soon as I got to my appt that it was great to meet him, really sorry I had to rush off, hoped he had a good rest of the afternoon. He replied that we should do it again sometime and I went back with yes, definitely.

Then I heard nothing from him. At all. After a week I decided he wasn't interested and as he was a stranger I'd only met for an hour I decided not to worry.  I had thought he seemed like a good guy, the kind you could have a laugh with and could be good friends but I wasn't immediately attracted to him. Although I only knew him for an hour.... When friends asked if I'd heard from him and it was more than a week now they all said, forget him.

Then last night he texted me, after just over 2 weeks! He said "hi, how's things, are you free Weds or Thurs? I am if you want to meet up?"

Do I bother or is the fact he waited 2 weeks to contact me a big no no? I mean, I liked him, he seemed a nice guy but I'm not sure I was interested enough to bother now after all this time and actually I'm not free this week anyway.

If he'd contacted me earlier I would have said yes because he was nice and funny and I'd be curious to see if there was any attraction, but now, I have kind of written him off and I don't think he has time to be the kind of relationship I'm looking for if he really is that busy.

[Angel B.]

Is it possible he was waiting for you to call him?

You both are busy people so he could have been waiting for you to contact him when you were free. Or he just really is that busy. It's a lot of speculation.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If he does it again, then write him off.

[a]

Agree with PP. Cannot see why the fact that he did not contact you sooner would make it a no go, I mean you didn't contact him either, did you..?

Anything could have happened in his life that meant that he had little time to meet up. I'd absolutely go ahead and meet him if that is what you want to do, and not think about the time aspect.

(Also, just hoping that you had told him in advance when you met up that you only had an hour..? I agree that first dates are often better short, but an hour can be quick if that includes taking turns standing at the counter to order coffee e.g....)

[Samgirl2]

Thanks. I've let him know I'm busy this week but given him a couple of suggested days next week.

Yes, I let him know in advance I only had an hour for the first date.

[a]

Sounds like a great start then :-)

Personally I like it when dates don't get back to you immediately about meeting up again, shows they have a life of their own!

[whiterose]

I agree with previous posters. It would be a good idea to give him the benefit of the doubt this time.

[Jones]

As a teenager, that would have driven me crazy. But, as an adult, 2 weeks flies by faster than a bullet. I can't believe I'm doing end of month reports again; didn't I just get done with those?

 I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Adelaide]

He may not have wanted to seem overeager. I have been in a roomful of guys (in their early 20's) while one of them agonized over calling a girl back. Half of them said that he should do it that instant, and some were saying wait 3 days or he would seem desperate, and some said to wait longer than that. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt just this once. He may have wanted to wait so he didn't seem too needy.

[lilfox]

When I first started emailing with my now DH, it was on a daily basis.  Then he went on a previously planned vacation (I knew about this) and dropped out of communications for 5 days (not expected).  I was disappointed since DH had seemed so promising.  Meanwhile, I had been emailing with another guy and agreed to go to dinner with other guy.

DH got back in touch and I was still interested in getting to know him better, so I agreed to go out with him the day after other guy.  If things had gone well with the other guy, I wouldn't have been as interested in DH, but these were all first dates and you never know how things will turn out.

I vote if you're still curious to get to know him, go on another date and then see how things stand.

[mimi_cat]

I don't think there is any hard and fast rule.  I wouldn't read too much into it. 

If you want to see him again, then I'd go ahead and make plans for a time when you are both free.   

I once dated a guy & went out with him a few times, over the course of a month.  After one date - that I thought went really well - I emailed him a few days later, and then heard nothing.  I was disappointed but figured he'd changed his mind.  Oh well.  I heard from him a few weeks later - he'd been busy with some house projects and work travel and we made plans for the following week.

We've now been together over 8 years and married for 4.    So, I'm glad I didn't have any concerns about the gap in communication!

[Miss Unleaded]

Actually I have to disagree with previous posters.  Two weeks with no contact at all from someone who has shown a tendency to let communication slide would indicate that he isn't really interested.  Since you already said that you felt no real attraction to him, I'd have turned him down politely.

But since you are going ahead with it, I wish you best of luck.   

[Emmy]

It's hard to say at this early stage.  Guys express their interest in different ways and it is very early on in the process of getting to know him.  I agree with miss unleaded that guys who let communication slide for that long tend not to be interested, but he has only met you for an hour.  If that much time slides between communication again, he may just like going out once in a while, but not be pursuing a more serious relationship with you.  Couples who are very into each other often share frequent texts, e-mails, and phone calls even when busy because they enjoy the communication.

I'd say go out with him again if you are interested and see where it goes from there.  He should be more comfortable with you after a second date and not let two weeks go before he contacts you if he is interested.

[magician5]

If it were possible to make a rule about "how long is too long to wait", my wife and I wouldn't have gotten married.

It was my fault ... I waited a month. I was a pretty confused individual, just out of a 7-year relationship. That's not really a great excuse, I know, but I finally called, she didn't hang up on me, and now we've been together 26 years.

Don't look for a rule, look for your feelings when you're with him.

[Sharnita]

I guess I'd be cautious.  I might look at it as developing a friendship that might become romantic but not focus on the romantic potential too much.

[rashea]

I think it depends. For me, I want a bit more attention in a relationship. I know that no matter how busy they are, I'd like someone to at least send a quick email every couple of days if at all possible. So, if he's regularly going to be so busy I don't hear from him for a week, then his life and my relationship desires might not be compatible. It would also make me feel like I was a bit of an after thought, or like maybe he was doing first dates with a few people and they didn't work out. But that's my own insecurity talking, and I would know that.

I'd probably go on the date, but then see if he offers a reason.