Author Topic: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date? UPDATE #29  (Read 17088 times)

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #15 on: October 31, 2012, 10:23:10 PM »
I think it depends. For me, I want a bit more attention in a relationship. I know that no matter how busy they are, I'd like someone to at least send a quick email every couple of days if at all possible. So, if he's regularly going to be so busy I don't hear from him for a week, then his life and my relationship desires might not be compatible. It would also make me feel like I was a bit of an after thought, or like maybe he was doing first dates with a few people and they didn't work out. But that's my own insecurity talking, and I would know that.

I'd probably go on the date, but then see if he offers a reason.

My first thought was that he was doing a few first dates with others, and they didn't work out.

That said, I don't think that's necessarily a black mark against him. I'd give him one more go (only if you want to, of course), and see how things work out.

a

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2012, 05:19:15 AM »
I think it depends. For me, I want a bit more attention in a relationship. I know that no matter how busy they are, I'd like someone to at least send a quick email every couple of days if at all possible. So, if he's regularly going to be so busy I don't hear from him for a week, then his life and my relationship desires might not be compatible. It would also make me feel like I was a bit of an after thought, or like maybe he was doing first dates with a few people and they didn't work out. But that's my own insecurity talking, and I would know that.

I'd probably go on the date, but then see if he offers a reason.

But as far as I understand it the OP did not get in touch with him either? It is possible that he would happily have responded if she had texted/e-mailed him.

So if both parties 'want more attention' and wait for the other one to contact them, no relationship would ever more forward ;-)

Shopaholic

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2012, 10:20:56 AM »
It's hard to say at this early stage.  Guys express their interest in different ways and it is very early on in the process of getting to know him.  I agree with miss unleaded that guys who let communication slide for that long tend not to be interested, but he has only met you for an hour.  If that much time slides between communication again, he may just like going out once in a while, but not be pursuing a more serious relationship with you.  Couples who are very into each other often share frequent texts, e-mails, and phone calls even when busy because they enjoy the communication.

I'd say go out with him again if you are interested and see where it goes from there.  He should be more comfortable with you after a second date and not let two weeks go before he contacts you if he is interested.

I agree with this.
When I was younger, it would have driven me crazy. But you didn't contact him either, and you didn't agree upon when your next meeting.
It's possible he didn't want to seem too clingy and it's also possible that he's really busy.

My husband told me that after our first date, he consulted with his roommates on when to call me again. The guys said to give it at least 2-3 days so as not to seem too needy, and the girl said "don't be ridiculous - if you like her, call her!". He went with what the girl said. :)

Dorrie78

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2012, 10:22:05 AM »
Actually I have to disagree with previous posters.  Two weeks with no contact at all from someone who has shown a tendency to let communication slide would indicate that he isn't really interested.  Since you already said that you felt no real attraction to him, I'd have turned him down politely.

But since you are going ahead with it, I wish you best of luck.   :D
This was my initial thought as well. If he were really interested, he would make an effort to be in touch. I've seen articles in various magazines where they talk about the absolute contortions women will twist into in order to justify some guy's lack of attention ("He lost my number!" "Busy at work!" etc.). Then they asked a group of guys and each one said that if he really liked a woman, he would be in touch.

Of course, there are exceptions to this and the situation in the OP could be one, but I would be very wary on the second date and go from there.

As soon as I read the OP, I immediately thought that the guy was also talking to another woman at the same time and that one didn't work out.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2012, 02:22:04 PM »
Here's what I notice about your description:
I met a guy online and we sent a few emails over the space of about 2 weeks (sometimes he would take days to reply saying work was busy) before he gave me his number and said we should meet once he came back from a work trip overseas. I gave him my number and told him to call me when he got back.
This sounds to me like you both took turns initiating contact over the two week period (not that he always initiated and you just responded). Then, he gave you his number to initiate phone contact.

So, he texts me the day he gets back (Saturday) and asks if I'm free for coffee on Sunday afternoon. We meet up and it seems to go well but I only have an hour as I had a prior appt so I had to leave. I felt bad because he seemed really nice so I texted him as soon as I got to my appt that it was great to meet him, really sorry I had to rush off, hoped he had a good rest of the afternoon. He replied that we should do it again sometime and I went back with yes, definitely.
He followed up by contacting as soon as he got back--exactly what you requested. He proposed a date, which you had to limit to an hour because of a prior appointment. Totally understandable, but hearing "Sure I'll meet you, but I'll have to leave after an hour" may have made him have doubts about whether you were interested. Did you guys ever discuss the possibility of meeting at a more convenient time without a looming appointment? If not, he may have thought you wanted the "out" of an appointment as a way of escaping the date if you didn't enjoy it.

The text conversation you describe sounds like both of you agreed in vague terms that you'd enjoyed it, but neither of you made any attempt to suggest any specifics of seeing each other again. In fact, it sounds a lot like the customary "We should do lunch sometime" script that is stereotypically used with acquaintances you don't actually want to meet up with.

Then I heard nothing from him. At all. After a week I decided he wasn't interested and as he was a stranger I'd only met for an hour I decided not to worry.  I had thought he seemed like a good guy, the kind you could have a laugh with and could be good friends but I wasn't immediately attracted to him. Although I only knew him for an hour.... When friends asked if I'd heard from him and it was more than a week now they all said, forget him.

Then last night he texted me, after just over 2 weeks! He said "hi, how's things, are you free Weds or Thurs? I am if you want to meet up?"

Do I bother or is the fact he waited 2 weeks to contact me a big no no? I mean, I liked him, he seemed a nice guy but I'm not sure I was interested enough to bother now after all this time and actually I'm not free this week anyway.

If he'd contacted me earlier I would have said yes because he was nice and funny and I'd be curious to see if there was any attraction, but now, I have kind of written him off and I don't think he has time to be the kind of relationship I'm looking for if he really is that busy.

From my perspective:
  • He was the first to offer non-email contact information by giving you his phone number--Suggests interest and suggests that he doesn't assume the man does all the calling/inviting in a relationship.
  • He not only contacted you when he was back in town, as requested, but he called you the day he got back--suggests interest.
  • He offered the initial invitation to a date--suggests interest
  • You limited the date to an hour, without counter-suggesting a time without a looming appointment--may well have suggested that you weren't interested.
  • You exchanged vague texts about enjoying the date and wanting to "do it again sometime"--neutral
  • Neither of you initiated contact for two weeks, despite having at least two ways to contact each other (email and phone)--I don't see why this would indicate disinterest on his part any more than in indicates disinterest on yours. If anything, he may have thought it was your "turn" to suggest a date or at least make contact and your silence suggested to him that you weren't really interested in a second date.
  • He was the first to re-initiate contact--sounds interested to me.

You can turn down a date for any reason, and if you expect the man to do all the inviting/calling or be in more frequent contact, then he may not be the right guy for you. But I don't think it would be reasonable to assume he was uninterested when you don't seem to have made any more attempt at contact than he did.

TurtleDove

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2012, 02:43:54 PM »
As soon as I read the OP, I immediately thought that the guy was also talking to another woman at the same time and that one didn't work out.

Yep.  At the very start of getting to know someone, this is okay - the OP has no claim to him and he isn't "cheating" or leading anyone on or doing anything wrong.  But he is letting the OP know she is not a YES in his mind, because if she were, he would have canceled or never made the other dates. If the OP enjoyed him and wants to see what will develop, go for it!  Just be sure to be a bit cautious since it seems there was enough there for you both to have "pleasant" feelings about your encounter but seemingly neither had "I MUST KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS PERSON! YES!!!!" feelings, which for me is key.

Samgirl2

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2012, 06:55:42 PM »
OP here.

So I replied to him that I had family staying this week but if weds/ thurs were good nights for him (as that's what he'd suggested for this week) then how about Thursday next week? (plus asking how he was doing etc) I haven't heard anything and its been almost three days.

I think its probably not going to be going very far!

cutecupcake

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #22 on: November 04, 2012, 08:47:26 PM »
I recently had a similar sitch with a gentleman who waited days sometimes weeks between dates ( with the occasional text thrown in). The last texting we had he was thinking about a relationship with the two of us but wasn't sure if he had time for one...that was 2 months ago.

My point is, if he's this long between contact so far it probably won't improve, in my case at least it didn't.

Samgirl2

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #23 on: November 05, 2012, 02:44:59 AM »
OP here.

So I replied to him that I had family staying this week but if weds/ thurs were good nights for him (as that's what he'd suggested for this week) then how about Thursday next week? (plus asking how he was doing etc) I haven't heard anything and its been almost three days
I think its probably not going to be going very far!

It's now been almost a week again. I've texted him again to see if he wants to go out on this week pr not, no reply. I dont care how busy someone is, that just screams not interested.

tangelloyellow

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #24 on: November 05, 2012, 03:03:07 AM »
OP here.

So I replied to him that I had family staying this week but if weds/ thurs were good nights for him (as that's what he'd suggested for this week) then how about Thursday next week? (plus asking how he was doing etc) I haven't heard anything and its been almost three days
I think its probably not going to be going very far!

It's now been almost a week again. I've texted him again to see if he wants to go out on this week pr not, no reply. I dont care how busy someone is, that just screams not interested.

Yes Samgirl, I would agree that at this stage it seems like he is not interested. Just wasn't meant to be. Ahh dating is fun.

Jones

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #25 on: November 05, 2012, 09:11:05 AM »
Yup, the follow up says it all. I can definitely see holding back at first, but not answering and continuing to wait long periods of time = not interested.

blarg314

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #26 on: November 05, 2012, 07:25:00 PM »

I'd say at this point you've been mutually sending not very interested signals, so it's not likely to go very far.

He's gone long times between contacts, but at the same time the first date was very short (at your insistence) and the invitation for a second date was greeted by a not this week, how about next maybe? sort of answer.

You've had good reasons for those answers, but he has no way of knowing that, the same way you have no way of knowing if he had a good reason for the gaps in contact.

Emmy

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #27 on: November 06, 2012, 07:09:05 AM »
OP here.

So I replied to him that I had family staying this week but if weds/ thurs were good nights for him (as that's what he'd suggested for this week) then how about Thursday next week? (plus asking how he was doing etc) I haven't heard anything and its been almost three days
I think its probably not going to be going very far!

It's now been almost a week again. I've texted him again to see if he wants to go out on this week pr not, no reply. I dont care how busy someone is, that just screams not interested.

Yes Samgirl, I would agree that at this stage it seems like he is not interested. Just wasn't meant to be. Ahh dating is fun.

Zero effort to reply to your texts indicates that he is not interested.  However, don't be surprised if he turns up again later.  I know I am not the only one who experienced a guy who didn't answer texts, phone calls, only to reappear several weeks later claiming he was really busy.  Of course he really isn't interested, in his mind there was nothing else better to do (or another girl ended it with him).  A text takes a couple of seconds to send and nobody is too busy for that.

They joys of dating, best wishes for finding a great guy.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date?
« Reply #28 on: November 06, 2012, 11:28:48 AM »
OP here.

So I replied to him that I had family staying this week but if weds/ thurs were good nights for him (as that's what he'd suggested for this week) then how about Thursday next week? (plus asking how he was doing etc) I haven't heard anything and its been almost three days
I think its probably not going to be going very far!

It's now been almost a week again. I've texted him again to see if he wants to go out on this week pr not, no reply. I dont care how busy someone is, that just screams not interested.

Even if he is interested, I am not sure that I would want to see someone who was so busy that I did not fit into his life. I am all about giving someone the benefit of the doubt and not trying to find rules to the "time game", but there comes a point where you have to make an effort. Sorry to hear that things did not turn out as we all hoped for you!!!

Samgirl2

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Re: Is 2 weeks too long to hear from someone after 1st date? UPDATE
« Reply #29 on: November 07, 2012, 10:00:02 AM »
OP Here:

CRUD MONKEYS! this is ridiculous. It's now another week since he asked me for a second date and then ignored my reply.  Just to make sure, I emailed him today (as my suggested reschedule date was tomorrow) saying "Hi, I've taken the lack of reply to mean a it's a no for rescheduling. It was great to meet you anyway, good luck with everything"

I have just received the following text:

"Hi, I'm really sorry, I lost track of texts! In Prague for a few days with my sister. Busy tomorrow (the night I'd suggested in response to his invitation) but around at the weekend if you forgive me?

I just cannot help but doubt his actual interest in looking for anything serious. He can't keep track of texts? Either he is way too busy for a relationship or he has too many dates on the go at once.  I replied back that "It seems like you really have a lot on at the moment and maybe you're just too busy to date right now?"

His reply: "Fair enough, but I think I'll be the judge of that thanks. Good luck with life."

So, erm, that's that one sorted then!  >:D
« Last Edit: November 07, 2012, 12:48:52 PM by Samgirl2 »