Afraid my nephew will flood the bathroom more info #36

[bonyk]

If Nephew is as inconsiderate and clueless as you make him out to be, you need to worry about the rest of your apartment, too.  Imagine what kind of damage he could do in your kitchen.  I'd tell bro that you can't host nephew after all.

[Just Lori]

If you opt to host the nephew, I would suggest making every attempt to avoid a flood.  Buy an absorbent bath mat.  Add the Velcro.  Tell the nephew to bunch up a towel at the edge of the shower.  Tell the nephew that you absolutely cannot have any leaks, as water damage is costly and you'd hate for him to have to pay for all that out of his own pocket.

I get that you shouldn't have to do this, and that nephew should act like an adult and be responsible.  But ultimately, if you're worried about flooding the apartment below you, you'd be wise to take every precaution. 

[Daffydilly]

Have you thought that your brother just doesn't want to pay for damages if your nephew stays at a hotel? If he doesn't keep up his house, why on earth would he ever consider helping cover damages caused by his son in someoneelse's home?

And you didn't invite the nephew, your brother directed it. Just say no to self invites. It would cut down on your stress.

[Giggity]

My brother announced that he would be staying at our house without them, it was not my idea but I didn't see how I could say no since we have a guestroom.

The existence of a guest room doesn't mean you have to accept every potential guest.

[Yvaine]

Have you thought that your brother just doesn't want to pay for damages if your nephew stays at a hotel? If he doesn't keep up his house, why on earth would he ever consider helping cover damages caused by his son in someoneelse's home?

Seeing as the brother doesn't keep up his house, I doubt this is really on his mind.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

Sooo OP, How much Insurance do you have. You might need to increase it.

Or.... Decline his Sudo second hand Self invite.

[doodlemor]

It's understandable that you would find it difficult to rescind the invitation, OP, since it sounds like you stay at your brother's house sometimes. 

If you originally actually invited the three of them to stay at your house, but DB and SIL decided to stay in a hotel, you are probably stuck.  If they just called and announced that they were coming then I think that you can get out of this.  I'm presuming that you are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.  Maybe you could tell them that you are just not up to all that, and would rather see them somewhere during the spring or summer.

I wonder if your brother was such a careless slob when he was growing up, or if part of this is SIL's influence?  It's hard to imagine someone being so careless of the plumbing, especially the toilet.

You are especially kind to want to help nephew.  Keep in mind that old expression, though, *the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree."  If you have read Roe's posts it is apparent that she did everything she could, and then more, to help her nephews to grow up to be responsible people.  Unfortunately, the influence of their mooching mother prevailed.  It is very hard to over ride the influence of parents.

I think that the PP have all had some very clever advice about the situation.  I think that it is fine to mention the whole thing about keeping the curtain inside, and also that you use the bathroom and shower also.

If I were in your situation I'd initially treat him like an adult as far as the house explanations go, but surreptitiously watch him as closely as if he were a toddler.  I'd definitely check the bathroom immediately after his shower.  I don't like to think of other gross things that he could do in there, but it seems likely that he is not very tidy.  If he made a mess I'd ask for his assistance in cleaning it up, and explain once more. 

A second mess and he'd have to go to the hotel, or at least take his showers there.

[MOM21SON]

Can't you just wait and see how the first shower goes before addressing anything?  People do grow up and change... sometimes.

If it happens, I would say, "DN, oh my, the bathroom is waterlogged.  this can't happen."  Then I would explain. 

Seriously, if I was given at set of rules at my arrival that suggested that I am dimwit, my whole trip would be ruined.

[TootsNYC]

Can't you just wait and see how the first shower goes before addressing anything?  People do grow up and change... sometimes.

If it happens, I would say, "DN, oh my, the bathroom is waterlogged.  this can't happen."  Then I would explain. 

Seriously, if I was given at set of rules at my arrival that suggested that I am dimwit, my whole trip would be ruined.

I agree with this, actually.

[Harriet Jones]

I'd probably go with a small reminder before the first shower to be careful that the curtain's tucked all the way in, because it comes out so easily.

[sweetonsno]

I'd probably go with a small reminder before the first shower to be careful that the curtain's tucked all the way in, because it comes out so easily.

I think this is a good idea. I'd also make sure that you have an extra-absorbant bath mat in there, but there's no need to tell nephew that.

[Emmy]

I don't know how things work in your family.  When you visit your brother or other family members, is it automatically assumed that you are staying with them.  If that is the case, I can see why he just assumed nephew would stay with you. 

I don't have any mind blowing advice.  If nephew means no harm, but is really clueless, maybe it would be best to remind him several times why the shower curtain has to be on the inside of the shower and the damage it may cause if he isn't careful.  Try to do this in a way that isn't like talking to a small child.  Hopefully after a reminder, he will realize that his actions can have an effect on people and be careful in the shower.  Maybe you could lay towels on the floor surrounding the tub to absorb any water and check the bathroom immediately after he takes a shower.  Somebody had the idea of suggesting shorter showers due to lack of water heat.

How old was nephew when he flooded your parents bathroom?  If it was recently, I certainly wouldn't let him shower without a reminder.  My parents said "if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult".

[GrammarNerd]

Teach him, and tell him outright.  My nephew would leave the water run for 5-10 minutes BEFORE he would take a shower.  I was like, "Dude, you may do that in your house, but not here.  We ALL need the hot water, and we all need to use the bathroom.  Speed it up."  And he got the idea that at Aunt GN's house, it's different. 

I've found that with a lot of kids and young adults, if you let them know that you're holding them accountable, they'll step up to the plate.  His parents and grandparents probably never did.  If he knows he can't get away with sloppiness with you, then he may just 'behave'. 

Start out when you show him the bathroom by saying something like, "Here's a towel and washcloth.  Soap is there.  This shower doesn't have a door, so you have to make sure the curtain stays on the inside when you shower.  You know, Aunts remember all of those embarrassing things, like when you flooded the bathroom at grandma and grandpa's.  So DON'T let any of the water get out of the tub, or when it leaks into the apartment downstairs, because it WILL, YOU are going to be the one to explain to the downstairs neighbors why you can't shower without creating a monsoon.  Got it?"  Say it in a good-natured, semi-joking way, but at the same time, let him know that you're serious.  Make him know he's accountable.

Better yet, get one of those squeegees for the shower.  Even if you don't normally use one, pretend you do.  Then show him how to squeegee the walls, "so it doesn't get musty smelling" while it dries.  See, it's another thing to make him conscious of doing.  And the more things he's conscious of, the more likely he'll be to take some care.

(And make sure he knows that the curtain has to be firmly around the edge where the faucet is.  That's where all of my shower-curtain leakage seems to occur, b/c of the spray splashing off your body.)

[Kaypeep]

I'd print up some house rules about the bathroom and hang them up in the bathroom so that he can't say "I forgot".
Also include stuff like:
- Hang up towels on rack/hook to dry out *
- Place bathmat over lip of tub to dry out
- Shower no more than 5 minutes (put an egg timer in the bathroom if you must, to time the shower.)
- No shaving in the shower, shave in sink.
-Wipe up sink and counter after shaving.
etc..


* (my boyfriend STILL leaves balled up towels tossed on top of my wood footboard on the bed and I want to stab him!)

[DavidH]

A reminder about the curtain is fine, a detailed lecture on proper use of a shower is not.

After he leaves the bathroom, take a look inside, if there's a flood, then you can say, DN, there is a lot of water on the floor, here's a towel or mop, can you please clean it up and make sure not to flood it tomorrow.

If you don't want to host, then say that you can't, but don't take it out on him.  Not wanting to host doesn't give one carte blanche to be condescending or inhospitable once you agree to host.