Afraid my nephew will flood the bathroom more info #36

[DavidH]

Since he's 23 and no longer a teenager, it is pretty rude to treat him as a child, you can only politely say to him what you'd say to any other adult houseguest. 

It seems very inhospitable to say, "Listen, you need to leave the shower curtain tucked in like this or water gets all over the floor. If you don't and it floods - YOU clean it up and YOU pay any bills for repair if it damages anything."  I certainly wouldn't say that, complete with the caps to a houseguest and would be offended if someone said it to me.  On the other hand, a reminder that the lip of the shower is very shallow, so it is important to make sure the curtain stays inside to avoid flooding the floor is reasonable.

If your shower curtain is hard to use or unusually prone to blowing out of the shower, then I think it is up to you to provide one that words, whether that means Velcro, weights, or anything else. 

If you really don't have hot water, a warning is polite, on the other hand, telling an adult how long a shower they are allowed to take seems rather rude. 

[RingTailedLemur]

Except, DavidH, this person has already shown that they behave like a child by previously flooding someone's bathroom.  This hasn't come out of nowhere, it is a response to behaviour that has already been exhibited.

[Giggity]

If your shower curtain is hard to use or unusually prone to blowing out of the shower, then I think it is up to you to provide one that words, whether that means Velcro, weights, or anything else. 

The shower works just fine for the residents of the house.

[rashea]

If your shower curtain is hard to use or unusually prone to blowing out of the shower, then I think it is up to you to provide one that words, whether that means Velcro, weights, or anything else. 

The shower works just fine for the residents of the house.

I'm not sure that's true. If this is the guest bathroom, they may never use it.

And I have to agree with DavidH. He made a mistake once when he was a teenager and took a long shower and didn't catch that the curtain had escaped. That doesn't make him some irresponsible monster who goes around destroying bathrooms. And if it had been me, I'd be pretty irritated if someone not involved was holding it against me years later.

[Giggity]

It's an apartment. I'm not gonna assume an apartment has a guest bedroom.

[LazyDaisy]

I don't think it's rude to tell a guest the house rules if there is a limit on shower time (for any reason or no reason at all)...or if food isn't allowed in the bedrooms, or no loud noises before or after a certain time, or shoes need to be removed at the door, etc. A host doesn't have to completely turn their home/life upside down just for a guest. I do, however, suggest going over these rules before the guest arrives. That way if they do object to anything, they have time to find other accommodations. Call or email him a few days in advance with your expectations or restrictions. But I agree with some previous posters, it sounds as though you don't really want him to stay with you, and you should probably just let him know that he'll need to make hotel arrangements.

[Onyx_TKD]

I'm not sure you can say much other than reminding him to check that the curtain is in. I like the idea of the magnets. Might be worth putting down a super absorbent bath mat, if he can be trusted to hang it up. I think you can ask him to take reasonable length showers, especially if it's a shared bathroom. But I wouldn't lie. I'm picturing the timer going off, and him realizing that the water is still hot and getting upset.

Beyond that, it seems like you aren't keen on him staying with you at all. Is there a reason his parents are getting a hotel but he's staying with you?

Not only that, but what happens if he (or anyone else) takes the 8 min shower and someone else is also waiting to shower? If the 8 min shower truly drained the hot water tank entirely, the next person would have to wait some amount of time for the hot water supply to replenish unless they were going to take a cold shower. Is the OP going to insist that the second person wait for it to "refill" to keep up the ruse, even though there's plenty of hot water? For how long? What about after the washing machine is run? The timer thing just seems like a lie that has so many ways to be exposed as a lie, and would be extremely insulting to the guest when it did. I would not be offended by someone asking me to limit showers to X min (assuming X min was a reasonable amount of time to get clean and <X min showers was truly the "house custom" that the residents followed as well), but I would be seriously insulted if someone lied to me about the hot water capacity because they assumed I couldn't be trusted to adjust to the house rules.

[Deetee]

It's an apartment. I'm not gonna assume an apartment has a guest bedroom.

The OP actually said that this was the guest bathroom as she was considering having him use the master bathroom which has a full bathtub in it.

For the main thread, I agree with others that suggest you treat him like a responsible guest and don't mention more than you normally would. Maybe throw down an extra thick floor towel.

If you really feel that he is a menace to the house, please don't have him stay with you. It is generally more comfortable to stay in cramped quarters than to stay with someone who feels you cannot handle the day to day activities of the house (even if it is perfectly true-This is why I try to host most of my kid friendly parties when the kids can be outdoors-and I have a kid)

[Giggity]

It's an apartment. I'm not gonna assume an apartment has a guest bedroom.

The OP actually said that this was the guest bathroom as she was considering having him use the master bathroom which has a full bathtub in it.

I'm sorry, I can't find that. Where is it? (I hate when I can't find something that I'm sure is there.)

[doodlemor]

My take on this is that the OP has great reservations about hosting this young man.  She told us what a mess her brother's house is, with nothing being fixed.  From this I infer that nephew tends to be clumsy and careless, and that his parents are not caring of this problem.  I also got the impression that the flood at grandma's was rather recent.

OP is so concerned about the shower that I wonder if she actually invited her nephew to stay over, or if her brother asked if he could stay there to save on the hotel bill.  Perhaps brother asked and OP was too surprised to think quickly how to say no.  If this is actually the case, that the brother invited his son to stay with OP, then I think she could get out of it still.  She could call and apologize profusely and say that as much as she wants to see nephew that having him stay over just won't work and will not be possible.

I wonder if the water problems at grandma's was ongoing, or if it came from one careless shower.  That would affect my feelings about his coming if I were the OP.

[RingTailedLemur]

The OP said he flooded the bathroom "the last time he visited [her] parents" which suggests a recent incident.  Then comment about being a teenager was, if I read it correctly, simply background to point out that this cluelessness is something that has been happening for a long time and is part of his personality.

OP, please could you clarify when the bathroom-flooding occurred?

[rashea]

It's an apartment. I'm not gonna assume an apartment has a guest bedroom.

The OP actually said that this was the guest bathroom as she was considering having him use the master bathroom which has a full bathtub in it.

I'm sorry, I can't find that. Where is it? (I hate when I can't find something that I'm sure is there.)

Here it is:

Love that he used the floor mats. Yes, that's where I keep the spare guest towels, spread out on the floor for easy access.

This bathroom doesn't have a tub--it's just a step in shower with a pretty shallow lip and is tiled in some kind of stone so I don't think magnets would work, unfortunately.  I could make him use my bathroom with the claw foot bathtub but it has no shower curtain and a sprayer attached to the faucet--a potential disaster too.

[BeagleMommy]

OP, I think if you're that concerned he will flood your bathroom you can always say something like "The bath curtain has a tendency to blow out if you're not careful and then the floor floods.".  That way you're not accusing him and he shoud get the idea to be careful about the curtain.  (Can't guarantee, but it might work.)

As far as the length of the showers I think you should just let it go for while he's there unless he will be there for an extended amount of time.

[Giggity]

If it's a party for adults, you don't bring a baby to it. Babies aren't adults.

[TootsNYC]

OP, I think if you're that concerned he will flood your bathroom you can always say something like "The bath curtain has a tendency to blow out if you're not careful and then the floor floods.".  That way you're not accusing him and he shoud get the idea to be careful about the curtain.  (Can't guarantee, but it might work.)

As far as the length of the showers I think you should just let it go for while he's there unless he will be there for an extended amount of time.

Also perhaps add, "it may not seem like a big deal, since the floor is tiled, but the shower pan doesn't extend outside the shower itself, so the water can actually seep through and damage the subflooring. It's amazing how damaging water can be when it gets in the wrong place.
   "And of course, it's a pain in the neck to clean up! When towels get that sopping wet, it's hard to even set them down someplace because they get everything ELSE wet, and then stuff mildews easily. Again--water in the wrong place, right? Plus, it's time that's better spent some other way."

Sometimes people just don't think something like that is a big deal. Hey, the floor is waterproof, no? It's tiled! And you can just sop it up with a towel, right?
So, explain the cause-and-effect further.

Since his dad is not particularly good at taking care of his own home, the poor kid sure hadn't had any examples!