Bringing a Baby to an Adult Party

[snowdragon]

The trick to bringing a baby to an adults-only function is to realize it's an imposition and go with the intent of leaving early.  Then you can always be pleasantly surprised and stay later if the kiddo sleeps through everything, but you've laid the groundwork already for when the kid starts getting grumpy half an hour in.

Bringing a baby means that you have unilaterally changed the event from adults only to kids included. Unless you are the host doing this is rude.

[violinp]

The trick to bringing a baby to an adults-only function is to realize it's an imposition and go with the intent of leaving early.  Then you can always be pleasantly surprised and stay later if the kiddo sleeps through everything, but you've laid the groundwork already for when the kid starts getting grumpy half an hour in.

Bringing a baby means that you have unilaterally changed the event from adults only to kids included. Unless you are the host doing this is rude.

I couldn't agree more.

[Rohanna]

I'm hardly a prude, but I think there are adult parties and there are "adult" parties. A small, quiet baby might be acceptable at an adult party if the hosts are okay with it, but at an "adult" party I think it changes the vibe for guests far too much.

If I'm nibbling on cheese at a tupperware party, someone's slumbering 2 month old isn't going to bother me. If I'm planning on drinking one too many glasses of wine, telling my latest slightly off-colour joke and perhaps trying out the latest fashion in lampshade hats, I'd rather not be worrying that there are little humans underfoot- or feel (however irrationally) that I need to behave around them. I'd also rather not have even very small humans around me at other, less "rowdy" parties- anywhere that atmosphere is a big part of the grown-up fun.


(In actuality I rarely drink at all- but the point stands )

[Slartibartfast]

The trick to bringing a baby to an adults-only function is to realize it's an imposition and go with the intent of leaving early.  Then you can always be pleasantly surprised and stay later if the kiddo sleeps through everything, but you've laid the groundwork already for when the kid starts getting grumpy half an hour in.

Bringing a baby means that you have unilaterally changed the event from adults only to kids included. Unless you are the host doing this is rude.

I couldn't agree more.

My post was mostly tongue-in-cheek  but I do feel there is a grain of truth to it.  When you're in a situation where you are socially obligated to show up but showing up without the baby isn't an option,* it's usually an acceptable compromise to "make an appearance" with the stated intention of stopping by to say hi and to chat for a few minutes.  If the kid is good and the hosts don't mind (i.e. it's the former of Rohanna's suggested "adult" parties), "stopping by" can turn into a longer visit.  If it's more "adult" than expected or the kid isn't behaving or the hosts aren't comfortable with a sleeping baby being in the corner, you stay for ten minutes to say hi and discharge your social obligations but you continue to be open about how you're just stopping in but Little Johnny needs to get home, so sorry, but you hope everyone has fun without you.

* I've only experienced this a few times - once for church and once for work.  The church one was a celebratory dinner party for members of a specific group within the church, and the work one was a charity luncheon which everyone was expected to "voluntarily" attend.  In both cases, it would have caused drama if DH and I hadn't attended.  The church party was before Babybartfast was born, so the baby wasn't an issue, and at the work luncheon she was about two months old and slept happily in the corner while we made the obligatory rounds and then left before the actual luncheon part.

[Iris]

I would have to know more details before I condemned this. Maybe the party was relatively tame, and maybe the host was fine with it. The fact that another guest tweeted about it doesn't necessarily mean that it is wrong since I've known people to complain about noisy children at a playground...

So basically, might be rude, might be stupid, but since I wasn't there I don't think it's my call.

[WillyNilly]

None of us know Hef's stance so none of us can say it was rude. Its possible the Grammers RSVP'ed "no, so sorry but we don't have a sitter yet" and Hef or his staff said it was ok, bring the baby. In which case the tweeting guest was the rude one.

[Sharnita]

None of us know Hef's stance so none of us can say it was rude. Its possible the Grammers RSVP'ed "no, so sorry but we don't have a sitter yet" and Hef or his staff said it was ok, bring the baby. In which case the tweeting guest was the rude one.

I'm not sure I entirely agree.  If the invite was for adult type behavior/socializing then that is what the host should deliver.  I think that the host introducing a baby into the mix when they have led guests to believe that it will be adults only is actually a bit rude.  Let's say Tweety Bird has two "adult" invitations to choose from. They accept Hef's.  When they get to the party there is a baby which definitely changes the vibe for them and maybe a few other guests.  Now if they had known up front, they could have made other plans. It is basically a bait and switch.

[JenJay]

I would have to know more details before I condemned this. Maybe the party was relatively tame, and maybe the host was fine with it. The fact that another guest tweeted about it doesn't necessarily mean that it is wrong since I've known people to complain about noisy children at a playground...

So basically, might be rude, might be stupid, but since I wasn't there I don't think it's my call.

ITA

[doodlemor]

I suspect that it never occurred to Hef that Kelsey might bring a baby with him. 

Since the child is so young, I don't see a problem with cleaning up language, and so forth.  I also bet that the Playboy Mansion parties are much duller than the venue would suggest, and have heavy security.  Presumably, guests who act in a bizarre or belligerent fashion are removed.

What does concern me is whether the music or the other party activities were too noisy for tender baby ears.  I would guess that there is a decibel level above which an infant's hearing could be damaged.

IMHO Grammar wanted to *show off* and be "cool."  There is a lot of publicity these days about Hollywood babies. pregnancies, breastfeeding etc.  I think that Kelsey just wanted to emphasize that he was/is young enough still to father a child.

For some reason the old expression about mutton being done up like lamb keeps coming to mind.

I do think that it was a bit OTT to take the infant to the party, but I doubt he inconvenienced anyone very much. 

Grammar's actually been much ruder, though, in some of the statements that he's made about his X.  IRL he must be quite a character.

[doodlemor]

I suspect that it never occurred to Hef that Kelsey might bring a baby with him. 

Since the child is so young, I don't see a problem with cleaning up language, and so forth.  I also bet that the Playboy Mansion parties are much duller than the venue would suggest, and have heavy security.  Presumably, guests who act in a bizarre or belligerent fashion are removed.

What does concern me is whether the music or the other party activities were too noisy for tender baby ears.  I would guess that there is a decibel level above which an infant's hearing could be damaged.

IMHO Grammar wanted to *show off* and be "cool."  There is a lot of publicity these days about Hollywood babies. pregnancies, breastfeeding etc.  I think that Kelsey just wanted to emphasize that he was/is young enough still to father a child.
For some reason the old expression about mutton being done up like lamb keeps coming to mind.

I do think that it was a bit OTT to take the infant to the party, but I doubt he inconvenienced anyone very much. 

Grammar's actually been much ruder, though, in some of the statements that he's made about his X.  IRL he must be quite a character.

I won't comment on whether or not the Grammers were rude, as I wasn't the host of the party. But I don't understand how you come to the conclusion of the bolded. I think it's more than a little ungracious to immediately jump to the worst conclusion. It's probably more likely that the reason they brought the baby was because it was the most convenient option for them, not because they wanted to use their child as a means of getting attention.

You're right, I did jump to an unkind conclusion.  I'm afraid that my opinion of the man has become slanted by the things that he said about his x wife. 

[thedudeabides]

He took a baby to the Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion.  Dude is batting a thousand on the "great parent" front.  I feel pretty comfortable saying that a party that looks like this is not family-friendly: http://vipexclusives.com/Playboy-Mansion-Kandy-Halloween-2012-Tickets.htm

[kareng57]

I too thought at first this it was eyebrow-raising territory, but do we have any evidence that the hosts were not expecting the baby to be there?

I'm aware that some of the guests might not have liked it, but if the hosts were fine with it then there was no etiquette faux-pas.

[Sharnita]

Once again, I am not sure that I completely agree that if the host was aware there was no etiquette issue.  i think it is entirely possible that if that were the case the host was rude to other guests.

I think that if you present one type of event in your invitations and then when guests arrive something changes that, they have a right to be upset. 

[Jones]

He took a baby to the Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion.  Dude is batting a thousand on the "great parent" front.  I feel pretty comfortable saying that a party that looks like this is not family-friendly: http://vipexclusives.com/Playboy-Mansion-Kandy-Halloween-2012-Tickets.htm

If that was the event....it is crazy that anyone would bring a baby to it! And expect the child to sleep!

[gorplady]

From the event description itself: "You already know what to expect from a Kandy party - Hand-picked Kandy Girls in their s..e..x..i..e..s..t costumes, a sight and sound experience like no other, the most over-the-top production imaginable and much much more..

So while the invitation may have not explicitly stated "no kids," IMHO, it didn't need to, because of the adult nature of the party. Common sense should have applied.

While there may be family friendly events at the Playboy Mansion, it is clear that *this* event was not one of them.

And frankly, there are two parents in this situation. If they couldn't find a nanny or babysitter, why didn't one of them stay home?