Author Topic: Heading off gifts that aren't your style  (Read 9260 times)

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bah12

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #15 on: November 02, 2012, 02:18:13 PM »
I think you've gotten some good suggestions about how to drop hints that the bracelets aren't you're personal style.  And while I think that it's generally rude to purposely gift someone something you (general) know they don't like, I think it's equally rude to dictate how a person gifts you.  I mean, yes, the gift is about the person receiving it and we should all strive to gift people things they enjoy, rather things that we would enjoy.  At the same time, sometimes gifts have different meanings.  If MIL and SIL bond over the bracelets and the charms, they may see including you in this as including you in their special bond.  Putting the bracelets down or being overly insistent that you don't want one, ever, may seem like you don't want to be included in thier little "group".

I wouldn't have your DH interfere in this.  If I were you, I'd drop some subtle hints, as suggested here, that the bracelets aren't really for you.  But if MIL chooses to start getting them for you, then just try to recognize the meaning behind them.  They don't have to be totally useless and a complete waste of money either.  You can put the bracelets and charms in a nice box and one day, remember your MIL through them.  It might also be enjoyable for you to find charms that she would enjoy and give them to her as a gift.

Jaelle

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2012, 03:08:05 PM »
A few people have touched on this. Is there any sort of ... oh, add-on or easily collectible ... sort of thing you do like? Since this seems like it's so much about making things easy for her?

If there is, casually bring it up in her hearing. Rave about it, even. She might just latch onto it. :)
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Ciarrai

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2012, 09:22:06 PM »
Not that I can think of at the moment, but I can see what I can find!

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #18 on: November 02, 2012, 11:28:31 PM »
Not that I can think of at the moment, but I can see what I can find!

It is always good to have an idea or two on hand for those people who think that you must enjoy collecting something!  My MIL heard my comment of "I don't really collect anything" as "she wants to start collecting something!" and one year my Christmas gifts consisted entirely of snowman themed things.  I don't even like snowmen!  The next year I had a conversation with DH about how we could really use some neat ornaments for our tree, and lo and behold!  My MIL gave us four ornaments that year. 

Other than that, I think all you can really do is make sure your DH knows you don't want something like the bracelet, and then salt in comments throughout the year with your IL's about how that's really not your style but *other thing you like* is just so great! 

Venus193

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #19 on: November 02, 2012, 11:52:54 PM »
I feel your pain.  I'm a jewelry queen and this is a style I just can't warm up to.

Peaches' suggestions are good ones; I endorse them.

lovepickles

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2012, 12:05:38 AM »
While I appreciate all the encouraging honesty I don't see the harm in letting her give you a gift you don't like. When I was first married my MIL kept giving me little necklaces. They were fine, just not my thing. I didn't have to say anything it just kind of dawned on her, I guess. I sent a thank you and gave it to goodwill. Same deal with the entire set of christmas santa dinnerware we got last year from another relative. I figure eventually they'll catch on or not ... it makes me sad to see them waste their money but it is their decision, not mine. In the past I've stated there is no need for gifts but my husband's side of the family is insane at christmas. But ... I have put my foot down with my kid and they know to ask me before purchasing anything. I'm really not into heavy consumerism and they are starting to get that about me and back off.

It is hard, though, because the holidays are now this huge consumerist event and people would rather buy some piece of whatever than be financially responsible. Bleh.

Bijou

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2012, 12:21:30 PM »
Have your DH buy you a regular fabulous charm bracelet, make a big deal out of how special it is to you and how much you can't wait to fill it with charms. Surely she wouldn't dare insult you and your DH by trying to replace it with another one.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2012, 12:23:36 PM by Bijou »
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Minmom3

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2012, 01:45:03 PM »
I finally went to the website for Pandora.  I can't imagine anything I'd like less on my wrist....  Even the kids floss friendship bracelets would annoy me less.  I have no suggestions for OP on what to do, but I sure do sympathize on her wish to not start accumulating this stuff!  I actively dislike it, rather than feeling neutral about it!  I'm personally not a bracelet or jewelery fan, I LOVE earrings, both fine and foolish, and I like some necklaces, but bracelets would actively get in my way.  THOSE would drive me to drink in short order, and I think they're fugly....   :-\
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yokozbornak

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2012, 03:07:57 PM »
I finally went to the website for Pandora.  I can't imagine anything I'd like less on my wrist....  Even the kids floss friendship bracelets would annoy me less.  I have no suggestions for OP on what to do, but I sure do sympathize on her wish to not start accumulating this stuff!  I actively dislike it, rather than feeling neutral about it!  I'm personally not a bracelet or jewelery fan, I LOVE earrings, both fine and foolish, and I like some necklaces, but bracelets would actively get in my way.  THOSE would drive me to drink in short order, and I think they're fugly....   :-\

I don't think it's necessary to insult it just because it's not to your taste.  I like my Pandora and would rather get a small bead for a present than something I have to find room for in my house.

OP, I agree that it might be a good idea to let your husband approach it with her if he can do it gently and tactfully  (mine's not the best in that department! :)).  Maybe he can let her know that although you think they are cute, they really don't work with your style.  He could even suggest an alternative item that you - "I know she has been hinting about a silver bangle bracelet if you want to buy her jewelry."   

Ciarrai

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2012, 03:36:55 PM »
While I appreciate all the encouraging honesty I don't see the harm in letting her give you a gift you don't like.

Because in this case it wouldn't be a one-time gift. A Pandora bracelet is a charm bracelet, so she would continue giving me charms to fill it as gifts. If it was something for the house that I could get rid of quietly it wouldn't be as much of a big deal, but if the only thing I'm ever getting is charms for a bracelet that I wouldn't wear, I find it kind of silly to just let her do it. The charms and bracelet would sit in my jewelry box unused.

sevenday

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2012, 03:45:06 PM »
In response to the person that asked why there was a need to gently inform people we don't want x or Y -  I do it for two reasons.  One: I live in a small house, and to make room for something that someone gave me - something else might have to go.  Second, if someone's going to spend money on me, I'd rather have them spend it on something I can truly appreciate, and in turn express that appreciation.  Having someone give me a reasonably pricy bracelet that I might never wear... seems wrong to me.  It'd just sit gathering dust or I'd sell it off and then that present is meaningless.  Third, if you say "I don't want x" and they give you X anyway, it's rather insulting and gives off this air of "oh I know you said you want x, but I know better/don't care what you really want so I'll just give you whatever *I* want instead."

mj

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #26 on: November 03, 2012, 04:00:19 PM »
While I appreciate all the encouraging honesty I don't see the harm in letting her give you a gift you don't like. When I was first married my MIL kept giving me little necklaces. They were fine, just not my thing. I didn't have to say anything it just kind of dawned on her, I guess. I sent a thank you and gave it to goodwill. Same deal with the entire set of christmas santa dinnerware we got last year from another relative. I figure eventually they'll catch on or not ... it makes me sad to see them waste their money but it is their decision, not mine. In the past I've stated there is no need for gifts but my husband's side of the family is insane at christmas. But ... I have put my foot down with my kid and they know to ask me before purchasing anything. I'm really not into heavy consumerism and they are starting to get that about me and back off.

It is hard, though, because the holidays are now this huge consumerist event and people would rather buy some piece of whatever than be financially responsible. Bleh.

This, pretty much.  I can understand the frustration though, but I think beyond "oh that's not quite my style" there's not much else to do about getting a gift you don't like. 

blarg314

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #27 on: November 03, 2012, 09:11:33 PM »

Given the situation - the potential of receiving *years* of themed gifts that you don't want and won't use, I think having your husband drop a tactful word to his mother and sister, and at the same time have a few suggestions for things that would be good, and not too hard to get.

I don't collect anything collectible, if that makes sense - I've got tons of books, a reasonable number of DVDs, and lots of CDs, but no themed knickknacks or charm bracelets, and I actively don't want to collect stuff, because I'm just going to have to throw it out the next time I move, or if we have a kid and need more space.

What I've told relatives who want to know what to get me is that food and drinks is good, and so is music.  The former is consumable, so I enjoy it, and don't have to store it, the latter is compact and I have wide ranging tastes in music - the chances of duplicating something I've got are slim, and I like checking out new stuff. Plus, with both, if I don't care for it much, it's easy to hide the fact.

MariaE

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #28 on: November 04, 2012, 02:35:43 AM »
I finally went to the website for Pandora.  I can't imagine anything I'd like less on my wrist....  Even the kids floss friendship bracelets would annoy me less.  I have no suggestions for OP on what to do, but I sure do sympathize on her wish to not start accumulating this stuff!  I actively dislike it, rather than feeling neutral about it!  I'm personally not a bracelet or jewelery fan, I LOVE earrings, both fine and foolish, and I like some necklaces, but bracelets would actively get in my way.  THOSE would drive me to drink in short order, and I think they're fugly....   :-\

I don't think it's necessary to insult it just because it's not to your taste.  I like my Pandora and would rather get a small bead for a present than something I have to find room for in my house.

Thanks yokozbornak. I thought that post was unnecessarily insulting as well. I love my Pandora bracelet and use the charms as souveniers when I go abroad (a kiwi from NZ, a musical note from when I went to see a musical in London, etc.). It's fine that they're not to everybody's taste, but no need to insult them.
 
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Minmom3

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Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #29 on: November 04, 2012, 12:00:48 PM »
I finally went to the website for Pandora.  I can't imagine anything I'd like less on my wrist....  Even the kids floss friendship bracelets would annoy me less.  I have no suggestions for OP on what to do, but I sure do sympathize on her wish to not start accumulating this stuff!  I actively dislike it, rather than feeling neutral about it!  I'm personally not a bracelet or jewelery fan, I LOVE earrings, both fine and foolish, and I like some necklaces, but bracelets would actively get in my way.  THOSE would drive me to drink in short order, and I think they're fugly....   :-\

I don't think it's necessary to insult it just because it's not to your taste.  I like my Pandora and would rather get a small bead for a present than something I have to find room for in my house.

OP, I agree that it might be a good idea to let your husband approach it with her if he can do it gently and tactfully  (mine's not the best in that department! :)).  Maybe he can let her know that although you think they are cute, they really don't work with your style.  He could even suggest an alternative item that you - "I know she has been hinting about a silver bangle bracelet if you want to buy her jewelry."   

Let's be clear here - I'm insulting the Pandora jewelry - not you.  You can like what you want to.  I support your right to love the jewelry of your choice!  But, faced with a MIL and SIL who adore it, who apparently cannot conceive of others not sharing that adoration - I'd be hard put to not be writhing in dislike and apprehension.  Because I don't think it's cheap stuff, and it just kills me to have somebody spend money on something I dislike that much; that I will NEVER wear or use, that they will expect me to LOVE like they do.  There's nearly no graceful way out of it, either.  Hopefully the OP's DH will be able to clue in his mother and sister that his wife doesn't share their love for Pandora, so they can direct their gifty energies in another direction.

Guys - I'm honestly NOT trying to insult the jewelry or either of you.  Seriously.  I understand that loads of people love this stuff.  I personally really and truly hate them.  I'm not a bracelet person to begin with, and those are not on the list of bracelets I'd wear.  But I won't insult and talk insultingly about people who DO wear them, and I'm not trying to be insulting to you guys.  I'm not saying you guys have no taste, or are fools for spending money on them?!  I'm saying that I CAN'T STAND THEM.  Me, personally.  I'm sure you hate something I love.  Such is life, right?  I'm sorry I offended you by stating my dislike so strongly.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2012, 12:10:20 PM by Minmom3 »
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