Author Topic: Heading off gifts that aren't your style  (Read 8443 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #45 on: November 08, 2012, 08:08:25 PM »
^Because I don't think these things occur in a vacuum, and the context is critical.  If it makes my MIL happy for me to wear an ugly bracelet 3-4 times a year for a few hours, I'm going to do it.   

I love cats, and my whole life I've gotten cat gifts, ranging from the ugly to the scary.  One aunt in particular, who also loves cats, always gets me something she made or found with a cat theme.

I've never mentioned it and never will. 

The difference here is that you LIKE cats.  The OP doesn't like the Pandora bracelets.  There's no reason she should have to condemn herself to a lifetime of receiving gifts she doesn't like just to keep her MIL happy (and in the dark).

Kaypeep

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2236
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #46 on: November 08, 2012, 09:09:16 PM »
^Because I don't think these things occur in a vacuum, and the context is critical.  If it makes my MIL happy for me to wear an ugly bracelet 3-4 times a year for a few hours, I'm going to do it.   

I love cats, and my whole life I've gotten cat gifts, ranging from the ugly to the scary.  One aunt in particular, who also loves cats, always gets me something she made or found with a cat theme.

I've never mentioned it and never will. 

The difference here is that you LIKE cats.  The OP doesn't like the Pandora bracelets.  There's no reason she should have to condemn herself to a lifetime of receiving gifts she doesn't like just to keep her MIL happy (and in the dark).



The other problem with accepting this is that it guarantees all future gifts will be charms for the bracelet, because MIL has pointed out how easy it makes gift giving to have this bracelet because then she can just add to it every year.  Sorry, but if I had a way to head this off at the pass, I'd do it too.   I'd get DH to mention to MIL and SIL that the pandora bracelet is not your thing.  If that doesn't work, I DO love the idea of repurposing it as pocketbook bling or on your rearview mirror, whatever.  At the very least, it may make your ILs realize you aren't into it in the fashion sense and stop them from buying addons in the future.

RooRoo

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 666
  • Im out of my mind. Please leave a message.
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #47 on: November 08, 2012, 10:13:53 PM »
If (and only if) you like the beads, just not as a bracelet, you could wear them on a necklace. If (and only if) that would be something you would wear, then that would be something you could mention.

Please note the lack of the word "should" in the above!  ;)
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

mbbored

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5315
    • Budget Grad Student
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #48 on: November 08, 2012, 10:53:24 PM »
OP, you've received a lot of well thought out opinions and pieces of advice. My take, for what it's worth, is to have your husband mention something you might like or if your MIL outright says she's going to buy you that bracelet, have him tell her that they're not your style. If those situations don't occur or she doesn't take the hint, it's a just gift. You don't have to like it, but you do have to be gracious. Say thanks, then throw it in a jewelry box, dangle it from a bag or give it to a friend who likes it more.

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9843
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #49 on: November 09, 2012, 10:59:41 AM »
^Because I don't think these things occur in a vacuum, and the context is critical.  If it makes my MIL happy for me to wear an ugly bracelet 3-4 times a year for a few hours, I'm going to do it.   

I love cats, and my whole life I've gotten cat gifts, ranging from the ugly to the scary.  One aunt in particular, who also loves cats, always gets me something she made or found with a cat theme.

I've never mentioned it and never will. 

The difference here is that you LIKE cats.  The OP doesn't like the Pandora bracelets.  There's no reason she should have to condemn herself to a lifetime of receiving gifts she doesn't like just to keep her MIL happy (and in the dark).



The other problem with accepting this is that it guarantees all future gifts will be charms for the bracelet, because MIL has pointed out how easy it makes gift giving to have this bracelet because then she can just add to it every year.  Sorry, but if I had a way to head this off at the pass, I'd do it too.   I'd get DH to mention to MIL and SIL that the pandora bracelet is not your thing.  If that doesn't work, I DO love the idea of repurposing it as pocketbook bling or on your rearview mirror, whatever.  At the very least, it may make your ILs realize you aren't into it in the fashion sense and stop them from buying addons in the future.

I'd also want to head off the gift because the charms for those bracelets are expensive. Most are around $30 apiece, with some being $60+. I don't care for the pandora bracelets, but a friend of mine loves them. She made a comment that the bracelet her fiance bought her cost him about $400 because of the various charms on it, and it's not full yet. I wouldn't want someone spending so much money on a gift I had no intention of using and didn't like.

Black Delphinium

  • The Black Flower
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7361
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #50 on: November 09, 2012, 11:51:00 AM »
Haven't seen it as a suggestion yet, but could you claim that you prefer to only get jewelry from CiarraiMan?
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7233
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #51 on: November 09, 2012, 12:14:05 PM »
I'd also want to head off the gift because the charms for those bracelets are expensive. Most are around $30 apiece, with some being $60+. I don't care for the pandora bracelets, but a friend of mine loves them. She made a comment that the bracelet her fiance bought her cost him about $400 because of the various charms on it, and it's not full yet. I wouldn't want someone spending so much money on a gift I had no intention of using and didn't like.

Yeah, Pandora charms are crazy expensive and I would feel bad if someone spend that much on something I don't like.  I actually have a few silver Pandora-like charms, but from different brands and way cheaper (like around $10-$15, less then $5 on clearance).  Heck, if you don't mind non-precious metal, you can get charms at Hobby Lobby for $2-3 bucks.  However, I have a feeling that for the OP's MIL, nothing less then official Pandora will do (I may be wrong).  I'm not speculating on her finances though; people should enjoy spending if they can afford it.

All the OP can do is hint or even come right out and say it, but if she still gets a bracelet (because I know people like her MIL), I agree she should just stick it in a jewelry box and maybe wear it once or twice a year to be nice.  If she can get away with it, sell them on Ebay or something.
« Last Edit: November 09, 2012, 12:16:19 PM by rose red »

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3948
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #52 on: November 09, 2012, 05:04:17 PM »
^Because I don't think these things occur in a vacuum, and the context is critical.  If it makes my MIL happy for me to wear an ugly bracelet 3-4 times a year for a few hours, I'm going to do it.   

I love cats, and my whole life I've gotten cat gifts, ranging from the ugly to the scary.  One aunt in particular, who also loves cats, always gets me something she made or found with a cat theme.

I've never mentioned it and never will. 

The difference here is that you LIKE cats.  The OP doesn't like the Pandora bracelets.  There's no reason she should have to condemn herself to a lifetime of receiving gifts she doesn't like just to keep her MIL happy (and in the dark).

Not true.  See the bolded.  I may like cats, but I loathe cat jewelry, cat mugs, cat sweatshirts, cat earmuffs (???).  So it's the same issue - gifts I won't ever use.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15620
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #53 on: November 09, 2012, 05:21:51 PM »
I love cats, but think it's a little silly to have pictures of cats on everything.  I also love jewelry, but prefer to buy my own.

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #54 on: November 09, 2012, 11:17:12 PM »
^Because I don't think these things occur in a vacuum, and the context is critical.  If it makes my MIL happy for me to wear an ugly bracelet 3-4 times a year for a few hours, I'm going to do it.   

I love cats, and my whole life I've gotten cat gifts, ranging from the ugly to the scary.  One aunt in particular, who also loves cats, always gets me something she made or found with a cat theme.

I've never mentioned it and never will. 

The difference here is that you LIKE cats.  The OP doesn't like the Pandora bracelets.  There's no reason she should have to condemn herself to a lifetime of receiving gifts she doesn't like just to keep her MIL happy (and in the dark).

Not true.  See the bolded.  I may like cats, but I loathe cat jewelry, cat mugs, cat sweatshirts, cat earmuffs (???).  So it's the same issue - gifts I won't ever use.

I don't think it's unreasonable for someone (who isn't you) to not want to receive gifts they don't like for the rest of their lives.  I think you are an exception.

Ciarrai

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 776
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #55 on: November 11, 2012, 12:44:26 PM »
Haven't seen it as a suggestion yet, but could you claim that you prefer to only get jewelry from CiarraiMan?

This is actually something I was considering, because it's partially true. Most of the jewelry I do wear was bought by him or with his input, because I think he has great taste and knows my style really well.

kudeebee

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2078
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #56 on: November 11, 2012, 11:36:51 PM »
Haven't seen it as a suggestion yet, but could you claim that you prefer to only get jewelry from CiarraiMan?

This is actually something I was considering, because it's partially true. Most of the jewelry I do wear was bought by him or with his input, because I think he has great taste and knows my style really well.

Be careful with this or mil will ask dh which pandora bracelet he likes best--maybe without mentioning it is for you---and then get it.  Her excuse--she asked dh.

I think it is best to keep mentioning that  "it's nice you three enjoy the bracelets and charms and getting charms for each other.  The bracelet and charms just aren't my style though." Have dh mention that as well if mil brings it up.  Hopefully she will take the hint!

laud_shy_girl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 437
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #57 on: November 12, 2012, 05:54:40 AM »
Why not be preemptive.

"MIL I love how you and SIL have the Pandora bracelet thing going between you.  it's a shame that charm bracelets are not something I personally would ware. So I was thinking of getting X, what do you think? then DH or whoever can get me this for gift giving occasions."

You are complimenting her "thing" while directing her away from her getting you one. This does assume there is something you would like to be bought.
For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing. - Jonah Lehrer

rabbit_woman

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 121
Re: Heading off gifts that aren't your style
« Reply #58 on: November 12, 2012, 09:42:29 AM »
The most important thing about gifts is the thought, isn't it? That is what we have been taught - but for a lot of people, the thought is the hardest part. Lookikng round the shops for something your friends and family will love can be exhausting. But with the Pandora bracelets, even though the beads can be quite expensive, you do not have to think about it, you do not need inspriation, or to spend hours looking in shops - and if there are three of four of you in the same family who collect the beads, even better! you can get four presents out of the way in one easy trip!

Now if you like these sorts of things then that is great, but it can be extremely frustrating and sometimes hurtful to recieve gifts that, even though they may be a bit pricey, have no element of thought behind them. My brother for YEARS and YEARS bought me a box of bath bombs for Christmas and birthdays - the really big boxes, that did cost quite a lot of money, but i did not like them and never used them. I would give them away. And it started to really hurt my feelings that my brother cared so little about what to give me, about getting me a gift that I would like when i always put in so much effort in getting him something nice; even if i had liked them, it would have upset me, i tihnk, that instad of trying to put some thought and effort into what he got me he just got me the same thing time and time again....... in the end, i put a stop to any present buying altogether! I have to admit, i enjoy the festive season a lot more because of it!