Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Baby Shower Advice needed

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I have 2 close girlfriends whom I love dearly. The 3 of us have been close since high school - +20yrs ago.

GF1 - lives about 40 min away, we don't get to spend much time together now that we've all got kids with different schedules. But we stay in touch by txt, email & phone.

GF2 - lives about 20 min away but is moving to a new home about 3 blocks away from us. Her DH & my DH are best friends and see each other alot due to work issues ... but really GF2 & I only really communicate by txt & email also.  I realize that's about to change due to her new proximity, once they've moved.

Background: GF2 announced last summer that she is expecting twins next January. This will be baby 2 & 3 for her ... lots of work! She hasn't been as well during this preg, so I am making 2-3 meals for her per week, as they are also busy packing up for this move. I can only expect this will increase when they do move & after the twins are born. I'm budgeting for an extra $100 - 150/mo for the next 6 - 9mo. At the moment, DH has been bringing the meals with him as he goes over to help her DH work on the old home (minor renos) and prepare the new home to move in (new kitchen, bathroom, painting & new flooring).

When GF1 heard the news about the twins, she spontaneously offered to host a baby shower for GF2. I think she was caught up in the moment, plus she just feels left out, and wanted to find a way to be involved, contribute. Important point: GF1 hosted GF2's babyshower about 2yrs ago for her first child, for about 25 people. But since she made the offer - they have begun major renovations on their own home, and it wont be completed anytime before Xmas (gutted the main floor, and new addition upstairs. Plus their finances have changed since she made the offer (switched jobs). She has re-evaluated and can host something nice for about 10 people, but GF2 wants to invite 30people. Plus GF2 wants to have it soon, she's nervous about her babies arriving early. And she doesn't want to wait until after the twins are born, she will bee too tired & busy to enjoy (and she likes to be organized, so she wants to have her supplies organized prior to baby's arrival. And she can't host it in her new home yet - it will be chaos and incomplete for another several weeks.

So I got a call from GF1 for help, but 1) We are already contributing a lot to help GF2's situation, I don't think I can find room in my budget for that also. 2) My home cannot accommodate 30 people inside (had it been during the summer - we could easily do it in our yard).

My thoughts are that GF1 already hosted a shower for GF2 - GF2 should have realized this and declined her offer. It's a 2nd child shower, so she also should have declined.  But this didn't happen - so I think GF1 should speak to GF2 and be honest about her situation ... she is really stressed about it, and calls me every other day, I can tell she's overtired from other things going on in her own life. I know she hates confrontation, and she would also feel bad about going back on her commitment. I also know that GF2 would hate that she's putting GF1 though this stress ... if only she knew the whole situation.

Is there anything else I can do to help GF1 with this shower that perhaps I'm not thinking about?

Can I help GF1 negotiate with GF2?

My thoughts are that if 30 guests have voiced that they want to attend a shower, perhaps there was someone else who offered to host also?

Since what is being offered is a shower for 10, GF2 should invite ten people or decline the gift of the shower.  If she has her heart set on 30 guests, she should have someone else host it for her. 

GF2 should have declined the shower since it was the 2nd one, that would have been the correct thing to do from an etiquette point of view.  Since she didn't do that, I think this is between GF1 and GF2 and they need to work it out amongst themselves.  YOU are not required to take over shower hosting, you are already helping her in a very generous way.

I think you are already going above and beyond with your gift of $150/month + labor for the food.  GF1 needs to step up and be honest that the shower she can provide is limited to 10 people.  I would just stay out of it.  I really don't understand how GF2 hasn't offered to help you with money for the groceries when you are cooking for them so often.  I would be sorely tempted to say, "Hey, I know you are probably going to have a hard time shopping and cooking when you get closer to your due date.  If give me your list, I'm happy to help out.  I'll bring you a receipt so we can settle up afterwards."  Or something like that, I'm not really feeling the wording today, sorry :) 


--- Quote from: Judah on November 02, 2012, 11:15:21 AM ---Since what is being offered is a shower for 10, GF2 should invite ten people or decline the gift of the shower.  If she has her heart set on 30 guests, she should have someone else host it for her.

--- End quote ---


I think GF2 is entering gimme-pig stage by requesting specific #of guests, date of party, etc.

You can encourage GF1 to talk to GF2 with something like "You know, when I offered to host a shower for you, I was thinking something on a much smaller scale than what you're looking for since it's your second shower and all. 30 people is way more than what I can accommodate due to renovations and all. Any chance we can trim the invite list down to immediate family only? (Mother/MIL/Sisters/SILs)"

IF and only IF GF2 agrees to this sort of shower, you could offer your place for GF1 to host (whatever number is comfortable to you) on a date that works for you . . . note that I said GF1 to host.

Offering your place might take some of the stress off of GF1, but make her understand that you are not sharing hostessing duties (cost) you're only providing a location.

I think that you are already going above and beyond.

Question -- How has GF2 reciprocated your and GF1's generosity in the past?


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