trick or treating question

[Stirling]

A new family moved in next door a few months ago.  Mom, Dad and three little girls.  On Halloween night they rang my door bell for trick or treating and the entire family was there.  They all went trick or treating together as a family which was nice, but that meant that no one was at there home to hand out candy to the other trick or treaters.  Is this considered rude?

I know when my kids were little I would take them trick or treating and my wife would stay home and hand out the candy.  I know that no one is required to hand out candy, but I always thought that if your kids are out trick or treating that you kind of have a obligation to hand out candy to the other children trick or treating.  You know to kind of keep the whole system working.  Is my thinking flawd, or am I missing something?

[MorgnsGrl]

Three little girls in the dark might be a lot for one parent to keep track of? Maybe they only trick or treated for an hour and then went home and passed out candy the rest of the night.

[Harriet Jones]

I've left a bowl of candy on the porch when I had to escort the kids and there was no one to man the door.  That doesn't always work if there are kids who'll empty the bowl instead of just taking a few pieces.

[fountainsoflettuce]

No it's not rude for the entire family to go trick or treating.  Their definition or decision to celebrate Halloween in this manner is not rude just because it doesn't match up with your definition.  That's pretty judgmental and harsh.

Who knows, maybe they only went out for a short time then came back and gave out candy.  There may be other reasons why they celebrated this way.

[Sharnita]

A new family moved in next door a few months ago.  Mom, Dad and three little girls.  On Halloween night they rang my door bell for trick or treating and the entire family was there.  They all went trick or treating together as a family which was nice, but that meant that no one was at there home to hand out candy to the other trick or treaters.  Is this considered rude?

I know when my kids were little I would take them trick or treating and my wife would stay home and hand out the candy.  I know that no one is required to hand out candy, but I always thought that if your kids are out trick or treating that you kind of have a obligation to hand out candy to the other children trick or treating.  You know to kind of keep the whole system working.  Is my thinking flawd, or am I missing something?

Are you certain nobody was home?  I handed out treats for my sister's family so she, her DH and their DD could hand out candy.  Maybe this family had another relative, neighbor, etc. handing out their candy.

[Jones]

Something that seems to be common here is that people will gather at a community event (such as a trunk or treat--going from car to car in a church or business parking lot), and hand out candy there. Then they return home and visit the neighbors in a friendly gesture. I don't think your neighbors broke any "rules" based on the information here.

[Stirling]

A little more info.

All the lights were out at their house all evening.  I turned my lights out a little before 9:00 and there lights were still out, so its pretty clear no one was home to hand out candy all evening.  Like I said before I understand that no one is obligated to hand out candy, it just seemed strange to me.

[WillyNilly]

I think like you - if they are taking they should also be giving.  Either one parent should have stayed home, or they should have left a light on and bowl out, or had a friend or family member home giving out.

If they had lived in the area for a long time my answer might be different though.  For example I've lived in my building for 11 years and given out candy every one of them.  If I have kids down the line and take them out I won't feel guilty if no one is home to distribute candy as I feel I have given for many years without ever getting, that if I spend a few years with young 'uns getting and not giving, it all evens out.

[Marisol]

I know a family that does this...and the parents also collect candy while treating.  Granted they do all dress up, mom, dad, and the little boys, but I find it strange.   

[etiquetteE]

My SIL just moved into a new neighborhood.  Her DH took the kids out, she stayed home to hand out candy.  I thought it was a nice thing to do as a lot of folks introduced themselves to the "New Neighbors". 

[gollymolly2]

I think that if you're taking (e.g. Trick or treating) you should reciprocate by giving.  But that reciprocation doesn't have to happen that year. If a person gives out candy before they have kids and after their kids are grown up/stop trick or treating, is it really such a big deal if they skip passing out candy for a couple (or even 20) years in the middle?

[WillyNilly]

I think that if you're taking (e.g. Trick or treating) you should reciprocate by giving.  But that reciprocation doesn't have to happen that year. If a person gives out candy before they have kids and after their kids are grown up/stop trick or treating, is it really such a big deal if they skip passing out candy for a couple (or even 20) years in the middle?

I totally agree - but the OP says this family only moved in a few months ago, so while they have given in the past they didn't give in the community they are now taking from.

[gollymolly2]

I think that if you're taking (e.g. Trick or treating) you should reciprocate by giving.  But that reciprocation doesn't have to happen that year. If a person gives out candy before they have kids and after their kids are grown up/stop trick or treating, is it really such a big deal if they skip passing out candy for a couple (or even 20) years in the middle?

I totally agree - but the OP says this family only moved in a few months ago, so while they have given in the past they didn't give in the community they are now taking from.

But ...so what? The point is not an exact even exchange. The point is that, when and where they can contribute, they should. It's not a big deal if that doesnt happen every single year in the exact location. Sure, maybe they just moved in, but that means somebody else just moved out. If the mover-outers gave candy for the last ten years, does that mean in their new neighborhood, they won't get "credit" for the giving in the past. What if this new family gave out candy for the last ten years - does that not count?

[WillyNilly]

I think that if you're taking (e.g. Trick or treating) you should reciprocate by giving.  But that reciprocation doesn't have to happen that year. If a person gives out candy before they have kids and after their kids are grown up/stop trick or treating, is it really such a big deal if they skip passing out candy for a couple (or even 20) years in the middle?

I totally agree - but the OP says this family only moved in a few months ago, so while they have given in the past they didn't give in the community they are now taking from.

But ...so what? The point is not an exact even exchange. The point is that, when and where they can contribute, they should. It's not a big deal if that doesnt happen every single year in the exact location. Sure, maybe they just moved in, but that means somebody else just moved out. If the mover-outers gave candy for the last ten years, does that mean in their new neighborhood, they won't get "credit" for the giving in the past. What if this new family gave out candy for the last ten years - does that not count?

Actually yes that's exactly my point.  I consider ToT as a community event.  Giving in community A has zero bearing on community B, IMO.

I think its perfectly reasonable to not participate in ToT at all from either end of the transaction, but if you are taking from one community you should be giving (presently, or in the past, or in the future, but who's to say that will happen) in the same community you are taking from.

[SiotehCat]

I also think they should be handing out candy if their children are going to be getting candy.

My friend was telling me yesterday that him and his wife took their kids out trick or treating. Since he likes joining them, what he does is put a couple of bowls of candy out on the porch with a sign for people to take some.

My DS doesn't like ToTing anymore, but I still hand out candy at Halloween. I do feel like I am making up for those years that we lived in an apartment and couldn't hand out candy, but DS still went ToTing.