Babysitter poaching?

[LeeLieLow]

I know it would have been polite to discuss this with my neighbor beforehand, but was it rude not to discuss it with her? 

My neighbor is a work from home mom.  She employs a 40 hour a week daytime nanny/babysitter.  My children and the neighbor children play together on occasion.  I have had more contact with the nanny/babysitter than with the neighbor mom.
 
I found myself in need of a babysitter for an evening social occasion.  In this instance I needed my babysitter to provide her own transportation.  My usual babysitters could not fulfill my needs.  I wanted to discuss with the neighbor mom about asking the nanny/babysitter to sit for me on this occasion but my time frame was short and I did not have a chance to speak in person with the neighbor mom.   I refuse to call the neighbor mom on the telephone because she has never responded to any telephone message I have left on her voice mail.

I spoke to the nanny/babysitter and she agreed to sit for me.  She came over to my house after working for the neighbors, leaving her car in their driveway.  She told me they were fine with her leaving her car there.  So obviously she let her employer know she was sitting for me.

So, was I rude?

[Shoo]

No way.  Your neighbors don't own the nanny.  She can do whatever she wants on her own time.  I think it's appropriate for you to speak to the nanny -- and ONLY the nanny -- about employment opportunities with you outside of her regular work hours.  To speak to your neighbor first kind of implies that your neighbor has some kind of say in the matter.  She doesn't.

[tangelloyellow]

Yup, that's what I thought as soon as I saw the title.

No employee is 'owned' by their employer.

[NyaChan]

 A babysitting job outside her normal hours? Totally fine.  Even if you wanted to hire her full-time requiring her to quit her current job, the decision would be up to the nanny.  Now, to maintain good relations with your neighbor, you might want to give a heads up in that situation, but that is only for full-time poaching, not a quickie babysitting job.  It's a business transaction.

[lovepickles]

Right, her employer doesn't OWN her but it would be rude if you took her away during her regular hours. It sounds like this was an after hours kind of deal so I think you are in the clear.

But why doesn't your neighbor call you back? What's up with that?

[Pen^2]

You weren't rude at all. If anything, I'd consider it rude if you asked the neighbour's 'permission'. That diminishes the nanny to possession status.

Even if you wanted the nanny to work for you during her usual hours with the neighbour, again, that's the nanny's business, and not something you need to ask her client about. Apart from being unprofessional, it's rude to request a client's permission when we're talking about an independent adult here. Her client has no say over what she chooses to accept for work, and should not be treated as though she does.

If you wanted to give the neighbour a heads-up, you could have brought up in conversation with her the fact that you're looking for a babysitter, and asked her if she thought the nanny would be good? But given that you don't normally converse with the neighbour, and already know the nanny quite well, this would really be nothing more than an obviously-fake heads-up.

If you see the neighbour or happen to speak with her soon, a breezy "wow, isn't [nanny] fantastic! I see why you employ her so much!" makes it clear that you aren't trying to sneak around behind her back, in case it's the type of neighbour who actually does consider the nanny her possession and that you need to let the neighbour know before you use her.

[Acadianna]

If I knew neighbor was going to the same party or event that I was attending, then I wouldn't try to hire her babysitter.  Other than that, I don't see a problem with hiring the babysitter during her "off" hours.

[Emmy]

I agree, what you did was not babysitter poaching.  The event was outside her work hours and the other mom does not have a monopoly on all her time.  It would be similar to her working as a waitress after her babysitting job, it does not effect her job with the other mom.  Babysitter poaching is when a babysitter has a previous commitment and another person offers them more money or other perks to get them to babysit for them instead.

[Hmmmmm]

You were fine.  Poaching would have been hiring here if you knew she would need them the same night, or hiring her away as a full time nanny for your kids.  You didn't interfere with her normal work schedule for her primary employer.

[JenJay]

You're fine. You asked her to work during a time when she is usually free. I'm sure if your request conflicted with her full-time employer's schedule she wouldn't have agreed to sit for you.

[Virg]

You didn't "poach" their babysitter, you hired her.  I could see an issue if you'd tried to hire her away from them at a time they usually use her services and thereby leave them without a nanny, but there was no time overlap so there's no issue.

Virg