Author Topic: lunch time etiquette  (Read 6523 times)

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quiescent

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lunch time etiquette
« on: November 02, 2012, 10:57:51 PM »
The b/g is that the office I work at people have all been working together for 3+ yrs so all really know eachother well. Its a small office too so there isnt many people.

Anyway. At lunch time everyone goes away from the office to lunch places together every day, and even though I am in the office when they go I am never invited. I think I get along great with all of them. I would like to go with them at lunch time instead of eating my lunch in the office by myself because they've all gone out together.

Would it be considered rude for me to invite myself for lunch with them or just go with them without aksing?

mbbored

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2012, 11:06:29 PM »
Maybe you should consider inviting them. Perhaps mention one afternoon that you're tired of bagged lunches and ask if anybody wants to grab lunch the next day?

Kaypeep

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2012, 11:11:15 PM »
POD.  Invite one, or some, of them to lunch.  I think it's kind of rude to invite yourself, though I'd ask if they would bring you back an order if you gave them money.  That might let them know you like the place they go, and help open the door to getting you into the lunch crew.

Deetee

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2012, 11:27:39 PM »
I'll go against the grain. If everyone goes together every day, I think it is fine to say " mind if I join you today?".

It sounds like it's a habit, not an exclusion of you.

Normally inviting yourself is a no-no but this is not a special, no one is hosting and it just seems easiest to tag along, rather than create a new event.

tangelloyellow

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2012, 12:01:39 AM »
They could just be ignorant to the fact that they haven't 'invited' you.

I'll go against the grain. If everyone goes together every day, I think it is fine to say " mind if I join you today?".

It sounds like it's a habit, not an exclusion of you.

Normally inviting yourself is a no-no but this is not a special, no one is hosting and it just seems easiest to tag along, rather than create a new event.

I agree with this.

I might even say something like "Where are you headed to for lunch?". That may prompt an invitation. If not, "Cool, me too". If you go out for lunch with them once you will soon know whether they haven't invited you because they didn't want you there. But if you get along great with them it is probably more likely just a habit to walk out and possibly assuming you will follow them.

quiescent

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2012, 10:37:41 AM »
I had not thought maybe they think I'd just go with them without them asking. Some of them take bag lunch like I do I think mainly they go just to the cafeteria where you can buy or take your own food. They did all go once to a restaurant place and when they were organizing I asked when they would go but nobody said when because they hadn't picked a day. I thought maybe they would tell me after but they didn't. I see how it would be easy to accidentally exclude new people if your group has been friends and working together a long time.

Zilla

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2012, 10:41:05 AM »
Are you particularly close to one of them?  I would ask that person if you can go with them to lunch next time quietly.  So he or she can invite you or ask the others.

SoCalVal

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2012, 12:18:00 PM »
Happens all the time in my section of the office, but I know if I express interest in joining them, it won't be a problem. You might just need to start a dialogue with them about lunch. I always bring mine and always eat at my desk so they almost never ask me if I want to order with them or eat with them.



quiescent

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2012, 02:03:25 PM »
Yes theres two I definately talk to more than the others.

Hmm... i do keep my lunch bag on my desk out of convenience, so maybe that looks like I just intend to stay and eat there, which I do (i mean I eat at my desk every day.)

JenJay

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2012, 02:25:09 PM »
Yes theres two I definately talk to more than the others.

Hmm... i do keep my lunch bag on my desk out of convenience, so maybe that looks like I just intend to stay and eat there, which I do (i mean I eat at my desk every day.)

I bet that's why. Also, they probably each assume someone else has mentioned where they're going and nobody realizes that none of them have clued you in. Classic case of "Oh no, I thought Bob told you!" and Bob saying "Me? No. I thought Sue told her."

I'd go with the PP suggestion of saying "I don't feel like having the lunch I brought. What are you doing?" to someone you're closer with. Maybe they'll say "We're going to Yummy Place. You should come!"

Docslady21

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2012, 03:44:06 PM »
I think in an office setting like this, it's no big deal, nor is it an etiquette breach, to just ask if you can come along. It happens all the time in my office culture. Someone says they are headed up the street for a snack and one of us will just pop up and ask if we can go.

In our office, if lunch is something personal, you just don't announce you are going, you simply leave quietly. However, announcing you are headed to XYZ location usually means that others are welcome to join you. Announcing you stepping out for lunch and you'll be back at a certain time signals that you are not open to company.

I used to be really shy about joining people for this type of thing, but I gradually realized how casual it was. You can also start your own precedent. I will usually announce, "Coffee run. Anyone coming?" You can do that too. If you are more extroverted towards others, it will make these things more natural to you. =)

quiescent

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2012, 06:35:18 PM »
I went today with them. Apparently it was just that they thought I'd go with them if I wanted to, so i suppose that it was me looking anti social eating alone at my desk!

Danika

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2012, 11:39:17 PM »
Great update!

Docslady21

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2012, 12:24:17 AM »
I went today with them. Apparently it was just that they thought I'd go with them if I wanted to, so i suppose that it was me looking anti social eating alone at my desk!

Hee hee! That's awesome. It's funny how often we have internal arguments with ourselves, only to realize the outside world has no clue what we are worried about. =) Yay for group lunch!

Alias

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Re: lunch time etiquette
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2012, 05:10:35 AM »
My office is exactly like this - the guys all head to the canteen and there's never proper invitations, just if you want to go for lunch then do, and if you don't don't!  It took me a long time to figure it out as well.  When I did there was a comment from the peanut gallery, but they were fine with me inviting myself to join them!