A wedding registry

[MOM21SON]

I am posting this here because if you folks tell me to let it go, I will.

My BFF's son has been married for roughly six months.  My BFF knew, but noone else, well except for me.  They announced their marriage 2 days ago.  Today they registered for gifts.

I am glad she couldn't see my face when she told me.

Yay or nay?

[NyaChan]

Nay.

[Sharnita]

Has she asked for your opinion?  Unless she has, definitely let it go.  Even if she has, I think it depends.  How are people going to find out about the registry? If the HC is sending out e-mails saying "we are registered at __________" then it is rude.  If people find out if/when they ask, then it is perfectly fine.  Some people will want to get gifts even if they weren't at the wedding - those people could likely ask if the HC is registered.

[MOM21SON]

She hasn't asked for my opinion but I get the feeling she is as baffled as I am.  I asked her if they were going to send out announcements or what was their plan.  She said, "They have no plan."

Because she is my friend and I love her children, I will most likely send a gift.  I just think this is odd.

[Sharnita]

It really isn't up to you to say or do anything.  If you planned to get them a gift when this went public you are free to refer to the registry but not obligated to do so. 

[CluelessBride]

I don't think it's ever wrong to register for gifts or maintain a wish list.  That goes for people who are married, engaged, single or anything in between.  What's rude is what you do with the registry.  If you use it as a wish list and only refer people to if they ask for gift ideas, that's fine.  If you send the registry link out to all and sundry, that's tantamount to screaming "give me gifts - and here's what to give me!!!"


So if you only know because your BFF's son mentioned it to her in passing and then she mentioned it to you, then I don't think it's anything to get worked up about.  If they are sending out marriage announcements and including registry info, then that's rude.  But still one of those things you just privately roll your eyes about and move on, letting it inform your opinion of the person (and potentially influencing whether or not you send a gift/what gift).  But I don't think that it's actionable rudeness.

[TootsNYC]

She hasn't asked for my opinion but I get the feeling she is as baffled as I am.  I asked her if they were going to send out announcements or what was their plan.  She said, "They have no plan."

Because she is my friend and I love her children, I will most likely send a gift.  I just think this is odd.

If they have no plan, then maybe they registered in RESPONSE to people's inquiries. If they aren't sending an announcement, and only reveal the registry to people who actually inquire, then the couple isn't wrong at all.

A lot of brides and grooms report that no sooner do they get engaged than people are saying, "have you registered?" So maybe several people have enquired about gifts or even pressured them to register.

There are a LOT of gift-givers who like registries because they hatehatehatehatehate to see their economic clout get squandered, and they want to buy something that they KNOW the couple will use.

[Surianne]

I agree with Toots and CluelessBride.  I don't see how the simple existence of a registry is wrong.  I know when my friends got secretly married, I *wanted* to buy them a gift when they announced it, just as if I'd gone to their wedding, so I asked them what they could use.  It's very likely that this couple has had similar requests and created the registry because people asked them to.  Unless they start advertising it, I don't see a problem.

[Zilla]

I am posting this here because if you folks tell me to let it go, I will.

My BFF's son has been married for roughly six months.  My BFF knew, but noone else, well except for me.  They announced their marriage 2 days ago.  Today they registered for gifts.

I am glad she couldn't see my face when she told me.

Yay or nay?

Let what go?  Buying them a gift or telling your friend that you don't agree with them registering for a gift?  If it's telling your friend, I wouldn't.  It's up to you to buy them a gift or not.  Do I think it's tacky that they are doing a Wedding Registry and not a general wish list?  Yes.

[Sharnita]

I am posting this here because if you folks tell me to let it go, I will.

My BFF's son has been married for roughly six months.  My BFF knew, but noone else, well except for me.  They announced their marriage 2 days ago.  Today they registered for gifts.

I am glad she couldn't see my face when she told me.

Yay or nay?

Zilla, what is the difference to you? 
 
Let what go?  Buying them a gift or telling your friend that you don't agree with them registering for a gift?  If it's telling your friend, I wouldn't.  It's up to you to buy them a gift or not.  Do I think it's tacky that they are doing a Wedding Registry and not a general wish list?  Yes.

[Zilla]

I am posting this here because if you folks tell me to let it go, I will.

My BFF's son has been married for roughly six months.  My BFF knew, but noone else, well except for me.  They announced their marriage 2 days ago.  Today they registered for gifts.

I am glad she couldn't see my face when she told me.

Yay or nay?

Zilla, what is the difference to you? 
 
Let what go?  Buying them a gift or telling your friend that you don't agree with them registering for a gift?  If it's telling your friend, I wouldn't.  It's up to you to buy them a gift or not.  Do I think it's tacky that they are doing a Wedding Registry and not a general wish list?  Yes.

The difference?  Well I wasn't sure if she was asking to let go of purchasing a gift or let go of bringing it up to her friend. 
 
If you are asking the difference in the general wish list or the wedding registry, then yes I see them different.  I myself have a general wish list on Amazon.  I don't see anything wrong with it.  But a wedding registry is for a wedding, not for a married couple.

[Hmmmmm]

If they aren't sending announcements how did they begin informing people 2 days ago?

[kareng57]

I too figure - this isn't for you to say yea or nay.

If they've been sending out wedding announcements without "registry inserts" then I don't see it as any different from wedding invitations without inserts.  People who are wondering whether they are registered will ask the usual contacts.

And people who want to send gifts (which are obviously not required) will send them, whether or not they want to consult the registry.

[peaches]

I'd let it go.

Also, it's a part of friendship to support our friends in stressful times. I'd try to look on the bright side of this, if for no other reason than to support a friend and her family. And I'd be shopping for a wedding gift (on or off the registry).   

We often give wedding gifts to couples whose wedding we didn't attend. It's the relationship with the couple (or their parents) that matters, not the style or timing of the wedding, or whether we got an invitation.

I do understand your reaction. Still, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important IMO.

[MOM21SON]

By let it go I meant not give any of it another thought.  Overnight  the registry information was posted on FB.  They would appreciate help in setting up their new home.  Oh and they corrected their marriage announcement to they are getting married next june but would like the gifts now for a housewarming gift.

My friend posted on that post suggesting giftcards for the amount of the gift and to state what item it is for since shipping to their state is expensive.

I will MMOB.