A wedding registry

[Zilla]

By let it go I meant not give any of it another thought.  Overnight  the registry information was posted on FB.  They would appreciate help in setting up their new home.  Oh and they corrected their marriage announcement to they are getting married next june but would like the gifts now for a housewarming gift.

My friend posted on that post suggesting giftcards for the amount of the gift and to state what item it is for since shipping to their state is expensive.

I will MMOB.

That is quite well um special.  I always think I heard the worst till you just posted that.

So to recap, they got married 6 months ago in a civil ceremony.  And all of a sudden decided they need stuff and posted an announcement for it.  Then revised and said, they will get married in June but need stuff now?  And your friend went along and endorsed this by suggesting gift cards.
 
Wow.  Where is that jaw dropping smiley when you need one?

[MOM21SON]

By let it go I meant not give any of it another thought.  Overnight  the registry information was posted on FB.  They would appreciate help in setting up their new home.  Oh and they corrected their marriage announcement to they are getting married next june but would like the gifts now for a housewarming gift.

My friend posted on that post suggesting giftcards for the amount of the gift and to state what item it is for since shipping to their state is expensive.

I will MMOB.

That is quite well um special.  I always think I heard the worst till you just posted that.

So to recap, they got married 6 months ago in a civil ceremony.  And all of a sudden decided they need stuff and posted an announcement for it.  Then revised and said, they will get married in June but need stuff now?  And your friend went along and endorsed this by suggesting gift cards.
 
Wow.  Where is that jaw dropping smiley when you need one?

Yep, that sums it up.

And the wife has posted te same on her page and has responses like, "WOW, your getting married?  I am so happy for you."

[Snooks]

So they're pretending they're not married?

[Iris]

By let it go I meant not give any of it another thought.  Overnight  the registry information was posted on FB.  They would appreciate help in setting up their new home.  Oh and they corrected their marriage announcement to they are getting married next june but would like the gifts now for a housewarming gift.

My friend posted on that post suggesting giftcards for the amount of the gift and to state what item it is for since shipping to their state is expensive.

I will MMOB.

Jaw, meet floor. That is...well, that is quite something isn't it. I really don't know what to say. Even if they weren't already married I can't even imagine saying "We're getting married in 7-8 months time, but would quite like the presents now, thank you." My mind is racing with unanswerable questions; Are they going to do a fake wedding in June? Will they expect people to buy them another gift when their 'wedding' rolls around? Are they going to say 'SURPRISE!' after everyone has stumped up with a gift? Do they really think that anyone is going to buy them a wedding gift this far in 'advance'? Do they really, really not realise how colossally cheesed off people are going to be when this comes out (as it surely will)? The list is endless...

I think your policy of MYOB is a good one, but I sure hope you like the taste of tongue because I suspect you're going to be biting yours quite often in the coming months.

[Mikayla]

It's never wrong to send a gift, but with this update I personally wouldn't even consider it.  It's rewarding greed and dishonesty.

Also, I don't necessarily agree with MYOB.  Momto1Son said this was her BFF.  In that case, I don't think I could keep quiet, especially since the BFF is adding to the deception.  There are all sorts of polite ways to ask if she sees how all this is coming across, or to point out the risk in lying about something so major.  It just takes one person to uncover the real truth.  So I'd try to word it in the sense helping her think it through.  That's what BFFs are for.

[TurtleDove]

I think it depends what the OP hopes to accomplish.  I fear that saying something, even if she is "right," will change nothing aside from damaging her relationship with the BFF and her son.  Also, not everyone sees a giant problem with wanting to celebrate a marriage, even under circumstances like this.  For me, I don't see this as really all that different than people who pretend to be legally married when they are not.  It just doesn't matter to me, unless I am one of the people.

[MOM21SON]

My friend and I chatted last night, like we do every night.

She asked me if I saw the posts. I said yes, what did you think when you saw it?  She said, "I am furious!"

She said she has tried to talk them out of lying.  However, she thinks that no one will care in the long run.  The registry gift grab post embarrassed her and she said she came up with the gift card thing to stop people from sending things to her house like her DS posted to do.

She is really not happy, but like she said, they aren't listening to her.

Then we smoothed out the chat but looking at the registry.  Oh boy that is a riot.  I said,"Just who do they plan on entertaining?"  She said they must feel that her kitchen supplies is the poorest of poor! 

They obviously went for the most expensive things the store has to offer.

Oh, she said she feels deceitful because she is lying to people to.  I said, well......

So we will see what happens.

[lmyrs]

I think your friend is pretty out of line too. If she doesn't agree with it, she should ignore it. Posting on the FB status to send GCs instead of gifts comes off just as gift grabby to me as the original post.

[TurtleDove]

I think your friend is pretty out of line too. If she doesn't agree with it, she should ignore it. Posting on the FB status to send GCs instead of gifts comes off just as gift grabby to me as the original post.

This.  Assuming the son is an adult, his behavior really isn't a reflection on her unless she makes it so by actively being involved in it.

[TootsNYC]

I think your friend is pretty out of line too. If she doesn't agree with it, she should ignore it. Posting on the FB status to send GCs instead of gifts comes off just as gift grabby to me as the original post.

This.  Assuming the son is an adult, his behavior really isn't a reflection on her unless she makes it so by actively being involved in it.

And not only was she involved in it, but she made it look even grabbier!

[MOM21SON]

I think your friend is pretty out of line too. If she doesn't agree with it, she should ignore it. Posting on the FB status to send GCs instead of gifts comes off just as gift grabby to me as the original post.

This.  Assuming the son is an adult, his behavior really isn't a reflection on her unless she makes it so by actively being involved in it.

And not only was she involved in it, but she made it look even grabbier!

Well, I didn't have the heart to go there.

[TootsNYC]

Yeah, I wouldn't have either.

[MOM21SON]

I think it depends what the OP hopes to accomplish.  I fear that saying something, even if she is "right," will change nothing aside from damaging her relationship with the BFF and her son.  Also, not everyone sees a giant problem with wanting to celebrate a marriage, even under circumstances like this.  For me, I don't see this as really all that different than people who pretend to be legally married when they are not.  It just doesn't matter to me, unless I am one of the people.

I am glad you posted this.  Your first sentence made me think.  I want to be there for my friend.  She has been through so much and we are really tight.  I would never intentionally hurt her.  Its really is a opposites attract thing.  We are soooooooo different.