Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Hypothietical, a change to a socail unit post invitaion.

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PurpleFrog:
Question from poll:



You're holding a formal event, for which you have invited social units (married/engaged/living together) together, but others who do not fall into those catagories alone. One of your guests, whose partner was not invited then becomes engaged, their fiencee was not on the original guest list. Your invites go out in the stanadard time frame, and you have bugeted to the number of invitees. What would be your course of action? (please see poll)

This is just a question that occurred to me and I was trying to think of the 'best' solution. I can't decide as I see problems with each option:

Leaving the guest list alone: Couple may feel snubbed as 'all the other engaged couples were invited together'

Extend invitation to fiancee: He/She may feel snubbed as they weren't 'good enough' prior to engagement.

Send invitation as if they had always been invited: He/She would probably realise and then return to the above problem.

I think I'd probably leave the guest list alone unless the engagement occurred less than 5 days after sending the invitations.

eta: Because I can't mange to write clearly.

Shoo:
It seems you have left out a huge part of this story.  What is the situation?  I can't make sense of what you've written.

Yvaine:

--- Quote from: Shoo on November 04, 2012, 11:51:21 AM ---It seems you have left out a huge part of this story.  What is the situation?  I can't make sense of what you've written.

--- End quote ---

Read it together with the poll question. You've sent out invitations to your event and you only invited a "plus one" for people who were married, engaged, or living together. A few days after the invitations went out, one of the guests got engaged. Do you invite the new fiance/e, and how do you do it?

That said, I don't know what the rule is.

Shoo:

--- Quote from: Yvaine on November 04, 2012, 11:58:33 AM ---
--- Quote from: Shoo on November 04, 2012, 11:51:21 AM ---It seems you have left out a huge part of this story.  What is the situation?  I can't make sense of what you've written.

--- End quote ---

Read it together with the poll question. You've sent out invitations to your event and you only invited a "plus one" for people who were married, engaged, or living together. A few days after the invitations went out, one of the guests got engaged. Do you invite the new fiance/e, and how do you do it?

That said, I don't know what the rule is.

--- End quote ---

I guess that's what can be inferred.  But it is no way clear that is what the OP is getting at.

SoCalVal:
I don't think there's any clear way to handle it, but I'm not afraid to explain to others why the guest list is set up the way it is.  The guests can be offended or not, but inviting married/engaged/living together couples vs. only inviting one half of a not married/not engaged/not living together couple is an acceptable practice.  Sorry, but when you're working on a budget, the line has to be drawn somewhere.

The OP's hypothetical situation has an engagement occurring after the invites go out.  The offended now-invited guest might need an explanation on the social rule of inviting both halves of a serious couple.  If the now-invited guest were still offended, I wouldn't worry about it as it wasn't intended to be a snub.  That guest could opt not to attend.

For my own guest list, we learned a couple broke up just before sending our save-the-dates (DF's cousin and his live-in GF) so the save-the-date was addressed only to him.  If he should be back together with her seriously prior to the invites going out, we'll probably invite her with him (we've met her).  If not, he gets an invite just for him and no +1.  However, should they get back together seriously before our wedding but after sending the invites, we'll probably include her.  If he were to get together with anyone else?  Then, no.  I already omitted about 20 of my relatives, and DF left off a few people who mean a lot to him -- all of these people were left off the guest list because we can't afford to invite them so we're not inviting people we don't know.  If anyone were to make a stink about it, I'd point out that it's OUR guest list (and, again, I can play the card where I omitted 20 relatives on my mother's side and included zero relatives on my father's side -- we're talking about leaving off about 75-100 relatives who are first cousins and biological aunts and uncles so I don't think anyone else's argument would get very far with me).

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