Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Hypothietical, a change to a socail unit post invitaion.

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bah12:

--- Quote from: kareng57 on November 29, 2012, 12:37:37 PM ---I can kind of see it happening, if the guest is someone that the HC doesn't have frequent contact with - an out-of-town cousin, perhaps.  Some people are fairly quiet about relationships, even when they've become quite serious.

I think this is one of the pitfalls of sending invitations out too early - peoples' life circumstances do change.

--- End quote ---

If this is the case, then I think it's even easier:

"Congratulations on your engagement!  Gosh, we haven't talked in so long...I'm sorry for not even realizing that all this was going on.  Please bring your fiance to my upcoming wedding.  I'd love to meet him!"

camlan:

--- Quote from: kareng57 on November 29, 2012, 12:37:37 PM ---I can kind of see it happening, if the guest is someone that the HC doesn't have frequent contact with - an out-of-town cousin, perhaps.  Some people are fairly quiet about relationships, even when they've become quite serious.

I think this is one of the pitfalls of sending invitations out too early - peoples' life circumstances do change.

--- End quote ---

I found out one brother had a girlfriend when he announced his engagement. Of course, he was stationed on another continent at the time, which is sort of an excuse--but he hadn't mentioned her at all in phone calls or letters or while at home visiting, not for the four years they'd known each other. Another brother showed up at a family wedding with a lovely young lady as his "plus one" that none of us had ever heard of, let alone met. They were engaged four months later. They'd known each other for 10 years and been in a relationship for at least five. That brother lived about 500 miles from the rest of the family.

Some people just really kept serious relationships to themselves until they have to make them public.

Soprych:
Perhaps if I  organizing a reception where the financial aspect determined my guest list with little to no wiggle room and a post invitation social unit occurred I would still use the same financial scrutiny.  If I had known that the single was a couple, would they have been on the guest list?  If finances meant I could not have invited two people in the first place I don;t know how I could and the new fiance. 

If however I was organizing a reception where I was focused primarily on rules like only Relatives living in state or my best friends from Highschool or first cousins only, I would include the new addition.

CluelessBride:
This is one of those situations where I think the answer varies depending on which side is asking. If you (general) are the one hosting the event, I think it's gracious to extend the invitation if at all possible. Finances might be a shaky excuse, because a host should be budgeting for all of their invited guests to accept in case they do, and (at least in my social circle) 100% attendance is unlikely at all but very small events. However, depending on the timing of the social unit change, it might be a logistical nightmare to add a plate or re-do a seating chart. Or the host might have an issue with the +1 and would have opted to not invite the original guest if it meant also inviting the +1.

So if you (general) are the one invited and have a social unit change after receiving the invite, I think etiquette requires that you graciously accept that it may not be possible to invite your new other half. Or to graciously accept an extension of the original invitation to include your SO without making it into a "thing".

gellchom:
I think that the etiquette rule is that you must invite the new fiance/e.  Don't worry about them being offended because they didn't make the cut on their own.  It's unfortunate if they do, but that's life.  Now that they are getting married, they will both get invited to many things that they wouldn't on their own!

I, too, can think of plenty of situations -- geographically distant cousins came to mind immediately for me, too -- where I wouldn't have invited even a fairly serious boy/girlfriend in the first place.  Even if I happened to know how serious the relationship was, and likely I wouldn't, for, say, every one of all my cousins' children, everyone has guest list limits.  Furthermore, particularly in the case of relatives, it can put unwarranted pressure on the relationship to invite boy/girlfriends, especially where it would mean expensive travel.  So be careful.

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