Your family isn't invited to the baby shower I am throwing!

[theatrevenus]

So my 19 year old sister S is pregnant. She isn't married and neither she or her boyfriend can hold a job. We found out when she was 6 months along and immediately started preparing for the baby (what else could we do). Since none of her friends where in a good place to throw her a baby shower my other sister Cat agreed to. Cat made sure to invite baby daddy's family. His mother then decided to have her own shower a week after the one Cat was throwing. Ok fine. Well she refuses to invite any of S's family (including our mom) and also informed S that she will be keeping all the items from this shower.  To too it off BD's mom told all her relative's that were not to attend the first shower. Some had even RSVPed yes and have now canceled. Is it just me or is it tacky to not include us as her immediate family and to keep the gifts for herself?

[MOM21SON]

Well, it certainly isn't a good way to start off by alienating people that will love this child.

[WillyNilly]

Not including S's family is acceptable if there are two showers.  its common to invite at least the 'grandma to be' but not required.

But keeping the gifts is, IMO, unacceptable - if they are given to S they belong to S and its straight up theft to take them from her.  I think your sister would be fine to not show up herself if none of the gifts are actually for her.

[JeanFromBNA]

A baby shower is supposed to be for the mother to be, or the parents to be.  Yes, most items are for the baby, but since baby presumably still lacks the motor skills to open a box of diapers and warm his own bottles, Mom and Dad are usually responsible for these tasks and therefore can use the equipment. 

I have heard of "Grandparent showers," but I don't care for them, unless Grandma is planning to adopt.  Technically, a family only shower given by a relative is perfectly polite.  Determining who is related at this late date is rather a moot point, isn't it? 

At any rate, starting an inter-family war will not help anyone, as Mom21son, states.

[drzim]

If I were S, I wouldn't even attend the second shower.   I mean, the mom made it clear that she was keeping all the gifts, so why does S even have to be there?

[Shoo]

Who is this shower FOR, anyway?  It sounds like it's for the grandmother.  I think you should tell your sister she shouldn't go.  Her boyfriend's family sounds like a pack of real winners.

[JenJay]

So she's going to basically steal half the gifts? Is the baby going to be living in her home? That's the only way this would make even a tiny bit of sense.

Unfortunately if baby's Granny wants to throw herself a shower and keep the gifts there's nothing your sis can do. Maybe the Father could contact his relatives and ask them to please give the items to him and not his mom?

[theatrevenus]

No the baby will not be living with the Grandma. She has throw a fit and demanded S let her have the baby on all her off days. S told her no but she still seems to think it will happen.

[pearls n purls]

If your sister and her SO don't live together, I could see a shower being thrown for the father to have things for the baby when he takes care of him/her.  But if that is not the case and the grandmother plans on keeping everything herself - that doesn't sound right to me.  In case, if I were your sister, I wouldn't attend.

[strawbabies]

Ohhh, boy.  I think the grandmother is rude, mean, bossy and should be kept far, far away from the baby. 

[LeveeWoman]

No the baby will not be living with the Grandma. She has throw a fit and demanded S let her have the baby on all her off days. S told her no but she still seems to think it will happen.

Has the father said anything about this?

[snowdragon]

No the baby will not be living with the Grandma. She has throw a fit and demanded S let her have the baby on all her off days. S told her no but she still seems to think it will happen.

This grandma needs to be put in her place in regards to who makes these decisions - grandma has a special place in a baby's life, but this kind of thing is hte province of the parents and only them. If they don't start right from the start with boundary enforcement, they will be sorry in the long run. After all the baby has two grandma's and two sides of the family - both of whom have the right to see and form relationships with this child.

[theatrevenus]

no the father hasn't said anything. While they are still dating he has been pretty hands off in the pregnancy. He just wants to party all the time. He and his family walk all over S.

[JenJay]

I feel bad for your sister. I think she's in for a whole lot or worse before anything gets better. Her boyfriend sounds like the type to say "Just let my mom do/have/say what she wants. It's easier that way." Yup. Easier for HIM. 

[Hmmmmm]

Not including S's family is acceptable if there are two showers.  its common to invite at least the 'grandma to be' but not required.

But keeping the gifts is, IMO, unacceptable - if they are given to S they belong to S and its straight up theft to take them from her.  I think your sister would be fine to not show up herself if none of the gifts are actually for her.

POD to this.  It seems grandma is throwing herself a grandma shower.

Or is the plan that the parents will have shared custody with the baby living part time at the grandmas?