Divorce question

[GINO40]

The funny thing is, he keeps insisting(through e-mail) that we did go to court,and that he has a copy of the divorce papers. Excuse me, but when did I go to court, where is my copy of the papers? I know he's lying to her because now he refuses to talk to me, either by phone or e-mail. I really have no desire to talk to him, I haven't for months, but the cancellation of my insurance made it necessary for me to call him(the "wife" answered his cell-phone!)

I don't usually condone shouting in a forum, but GET A LAWYER!!!!!  DO IT NOW!

Sorry for that, but you could be in a world of difficulty.  As  Eticlerk noted, he could have gotten a default judgement.  In any case, you could be entitled to spousal support (how long were you married, BTW?)  You must have legal representation.  Please.

Believe me, If I could afford to I would. I'm going to call the courthouse on Monday and try to find out some information as to how I can either file the papers myself or get some kind of legal help. Just for some background, I filed divorce papers 3 years ago, but he contested due to not agreeing with the terms that were on the papers and the paralegal that I was working with told me it would cost me alot of money to fight him, so I gave up.

[Animala]

Maybe the GF thinks you two ARE legally divorced.  I mean, of those who've dated divorcees, who has asked to see the divorce decree?

To get a marriage license for a second marriage you have to show proof of divorce to the County Clerk's office.

I've been married three times - I've never had to.

Perhaps this woman is considering it a "common law" marriage?

In my state they don't even check.  If you say you have been divorced you have to provide the court order BUT if you don't say you have been divorced they don't ask and don't check!

[IndianInlaw]

I have a feeling this is going to be one heck of a wake up call for his "new wife".

[GINO40]

I have a feeling this is going to be one heck of a wake up call for his "new wife".

Oh, I know, but her "husband" is a master manipulator, he tried to convince me I was crazy for years. When she finds out, if she's smart, which I doubt, she will probably kick him out of her house(or should I say her ex-husbands house), and take away the truck she bought for him. He is completely dependent on her and that is her way of controlling him to the point where he does whatever she says.

[EtiClerk]

OP - don't know where you are located but you might try seeing if a law school near you has a legal services clinic and, if so, if you meet the guidelines for services.  You might also try calling your state bar association to inquire about free or sliding-scale legal services available in your community or look up your local legal aid organization. 

It may seem dauntingly expensive to get a lawyer but you would be shocked at how much you can still take the fall for his behavior as long as you are still married (credit issues, liability for debts he incurs, even tort liability in come cases etc.)  It is usually well worth the expense to legally sever your responsibility for anything he does. 

[GINO40]

OP - don't know where you are located but you might try seeing if a law school near you has a legal services clinic and, if so, if you meet the guidelines for services.  You might also try calling your state bar association to inquire about free or sliding-scale legal services available in your community or look up your local legal aid organization. 

It may seem dauntingly expensive to get a lawyer but you would be shocked at how much you can still take the fall for his behavior as long as you are still married (credit issues, liability for debts he incurs, even tort liability in come cases etc.)  It is usually well worth the expense to legally sever your responsibility for anything he does. 

Thanks for the info, by the way I live in the Los Angeles area. I'm very sure that both of them(the "husband" and "wife" are bitter towards me because he is required to pay child support and they feel I'm a drain to their financial situation).

[Animala]

OP - don't know where you are located but you might try seeing if a law school near you has a legal services clinic and, if so, if you meet the guidelines for services.  You might also try calling your state bar association to inquire about free or sliding-scale legal services available in your community or look up your local legal aid organization. 

It may seem dauntingly expensive to get a lawyer but you would be shocked at how much you can still take the fall for his behavior as long as you are still married (credit issues, liability for debts he incurs, even tort liability in come cases etc.)  It is usually well worth the expense to legally sever your responsibility for anything he does. 

Thanks for the info, by the way I live in the Los Angeles area. I'm very sure that both of them(the "husband" and "wife" are bitter towards me because he is required to pay child support and they feel I'm a drain to their financial situation).

Oh heaven forbid the man acutally support his children!  I have to tell you the more you say the more your ex sounds like my ex. 

[GINO40]

OP - don't know where you are located but you might try seeing if a law school near you has a legal services clinic and, if so, if you meet the guidelines for services.  You might also try calling your state bar association to inquire about free or sliding-scale legal services available in your community or look up your local legal aid organization. 

It may seem dauntingly expensive to get a lawyer but you would be shocked at how much you can still take the fall for his behavior as long as you are still married (credit issues, liability for debts he incurs, even tort liability in come cases etc.)  It is usually well worth the expense to legally sever your responsibility for anything he does. 

Thanks for the info, by the way I live in the Los Angeles area. I'm very sure that both of them(the "husband" and "wife" are bitter towards me because he is required to pay child support and they feel I'm a drain to their financial situation).

Oh heaven forbid the man acutally support his children!  I have to tell you the more you say the more your ex sounds like my ex. 

You mean there's more men out there that are like this?  Ha!Ha! I could write a novel with all the stuff that he's put me through, only now he's twice as pyscho since he hooked up with the "wife". He always tells my kids things like "I can't buy you any extra stuff because I pay your mother child support". What a winner!!

[vTenebrae]

Maybe the GF thinks you two ARE legally divorced.  I mean, of those who've dated divorcees, who has asked to see the divorce decree?

To get a marriage license for a second marriage you have to show proof of divorce to the County Clerk's office.

I've been married three times - I've never had to.

Really?  I'm getting married for the 2nd time next summer.  Everything I've looked at online says I have to take my divorce decree with me to get the license, even though I'm getting married in the county where my divorce was recorded.

I didn't have to show my divorce decree when I got married.  It varies not only state by state, but even within counties.  YMMV

[GINO40]

Maybe the GF thinks you two ARE legally divorced.  I mean, of those who've dated divorcees, who has asked to see the divorce decree?

To get a marriage license for a second marriage you have to show proof of divorce to the County Clerk's office.

I've been married three times - I've never had to.

Really?  I'm getting married for the 2nd time next summer.  Everything I've looked at online says I have to take my divorce decree with me to get the license, even though I'm getting married in the county where my divorce was recorded.

I didn't have to show my divorce decree when I got married.  It varies not only state by state, but even within counties.  YMMV

I always assumed that the court does some kind of search when you get your marriage license to check up on you, but I guess that they don't. I would think in this day and age that a computer would have this information.

[Elfqueen13]

Oh, I know, but her "husband" is a master manipulator, he tried to convince me I was crazy for years. When she finds out, if she's smart, which I doubt, she will probably kick him out of her house(or should I say her ex-husbands house), and take away the truck she bought for him. He is completely dependent on her and that is her way of controlling him to the point where he does whatever she says.

He's a master manipulater, but she's controlling him?  And you think she's not very smart?  That doesn't sound right, somehow.  I think she knows her "marriage" isn't legal, that's why she flips out when you call him for anything.  She knows he's still married to you, legally, and can therefore walk away from her with no strings anytime he wants to.  Cancelling the insurance is a way to manipulate you into filing for divorce and footing the legal bills.  Have you considered finding an advocate lawyer, or one who works on a sliding scale?  Because at this point it's starting to sound like you can't afford NOT to divorce this man.

[Samantha]

Maybe the GF thinks you two ARE legally divorced.  I mean, of those who've dated divorcees, who has asked to see the divorce decree?

*raises hand* Well, he wasn't divorced, but separated (he told me that up front). I told him that was fine, but that I wanted to see the paperwork when it came through. He was glad he let me look at it BEFORE he signed it. Why?

Because the terms he and his ex had agreed on verbally, were NOTHING like what was in the paperwork (Agreed to: splitting the debt 50/50, $600/mo child support, $400/mo spousal support until she finishes her degree. She sent: He takes all the debt, $800/mo spousal support, $600/mo spousal support, she gets 50% of his military retirement - and they were only married 7 years). He was going to trust that she had gone by what they agreed on, and just sign and send without reading everything. He ended up getting his own lawyer, and they got things worked out... Though it took another 2 years before things were final.

OP, I wish you luck in getting this sorted out.

[Gambitgirl]

time to contact your divorce lawyer, or find one if you don't have one already and get this settled once and for all. if you never signed any divorce papers you are still legally married to this man...question is, does his lady friend KNOW the divorce is not yet finalized? he could be lying to her, and god forbid he married her without finalizing ya'lls divorce. if that's the case, he's got a lot more to worry about than his "new wife" being mad...he could be facing jail time.

and please let me know if i'm out of line for asking...but why haven't ya'll finalized the divorce yet if he's living with another woman and it's been 4 years since ya'll separated? is it for the health insurance and other legal/financial arrangements? again, let me know if i'm being too nosy. i had an acquaintance who let her separation drag out 5 years b/c she and her ex were "too lazy" (her words) to end it officially....her mistake as he used their still connected credit and other financial arrangements to drive her into a ton of debt he accumulated during their separation.

[blarg314]

My roommate did his own divorce paperwork in California - you can get a kit that leads you through the paperwork.  I think it's more complicated if they contest, but at least it gets the ball rolling.  It's probably worth checking with a legal clinic or something like that, regarding what your options are if he does decide to make trouble.

If he makes trouble, however, he will be much less likely to be able to hide that he is still legally married.

I don't think the insurance is too much of an issue, as many plans allow a domestic partner to be added, even if they aren't legally married to you, but you can't add your wife and your mistress to it.

[Nimblicity]

time to contact your divorce lawyer, or find one if you don't have one already and get this settled once and for all. if you never signed any divorce papers you are still legally married to this man...question is, does his lady friend KNOW the divorce is not yet finalized? he could be lying to her, and god forbid he married her without finalizing ya'lls divorce. if that's the case, he's got a lot more to worry about than his "new wife" being mad...he could be facing jail time.

and please let me know if i'm out of line for asking...but why haven't ya'll finalized the divorce yet if he's living with another woman and it's been 4 years since ya'll separated? is it for the health insurance and other legal/financial arrangements? again, let me know if i'm being too nosy. i had an acquaintance who let her separation drag out 5 years b/c she and her ex were "too lazy" (her words) to end it officially....her mistake as he used their still connected credit and other financial arrangements to drive her into a ton of debt he accumulated during their separation.

GambitGirl,

OP has answered these questions in previous posts.