Your son should live on campus

[Zilla]

Have they told you why they want him to live on campus?  Ask them directly, "Why are you so interested in seeing him live on campus if he doesn't want to?"  It's really puzzling that they are so insistent on this and not even related to you all.  As for campus living, I have known many who tried it and hated it.  Went back home.  It's not for everyone and it's not the only way to learn independent living either.

[HermioneGranger]

Pretty much everyone I knew commuted to school.  Why live on campus with all of the drama it can entail when you can go home to peace and quiet and your own bed at night?  Besides, no room and board meant cheaper tuition. 

[Winterlight]

I'd be tempted to say "wow, he will be so excited to hear that you have offered to pay for his room and board"

Me too. Am I a bad person for wanting you to deliver this line in an excited voice, sounding pleased?

[Sophia]

Y'know, if I were going to college, I'd gladly drive an hour each way just to *not* have to live on campus.  I do not like shared living arrangements unless I know the person and like them a LOT.  So far, M is the only person I've shared living arrangements with outside of family... at least, of my own will.

Me, too.  I loved NOT living on campus. 
My friends that did live on campus weren't independent.  The University just replaced their parents.  They didn't have to cook, or wash dishes.  The RA enforced rules.  They didn't have to work or pay bills.  So, really, not living like independent adults. 

[NyaChan]

I lived on campus.  I loved it & it did teach me how to live on my own in a halfway house sort of way.  Getting my own apartment was far less of a shock due to my time in the dorms.  No it isn't for everyone, but it has its pros & cons just like living at home does. 

[jaxsue]

I lived on campus, but college was 4 hrs from my home so it was a no-brainer. Also, it was a strict religious college so we didn't have all that much fun. 

I LOL at the friend's suggestion that the OP buy a house for the college student. I have heard of people doing this, but they are only the most wealthy, IIRC. Most of us are trying to make it month-to-month, so this is a totally foreign idea. As for housing going up in value, well, that is a real gamble nowadays. Nothing's a guarantee anymore.

My son lived at home for his first 2.5 yrs of college. It made it much more affordable, and he didn't miss out on anything. He still had a great social life. A few months ago, at age 21, he got his first apt with 2 friends. I am really proud of him; he's learning how to budget and dealing with adult responsibilities. And he, personally, didn't need a dorm room to get to that place.

Nothing wrong with living on campus. It's not a black/white thing, but the intrusiveness of these friends is astounding.

[MissRose]

I had a similar commute like the OP's son for most of my college career but lived at home.  My last year of school to gain my bachelor degree, my parents paid for me to live on campus due to the commute time 1 way alone  equaled  the round trip each day I made to the community college.  It worked out well, I worked part time, school full time and during some of the bad winter weather, I had no need to worry about commuting beyond bundling up in a coat, hat, gloves and boots to walk to and from class from the dorms. 

Personally, I wished I got to live away sooner during college, but it was not financially for me at the time.  I was able to save a bit of money during the time I worked during my after uni job search for my first place.

[LeveeWoman]

We are fortunate to live in a city with a well respected university.  My son is a junior, and commutes about 45 minutes to get to class.  Because of the in-state tuition rate, we are able to pay for his college education without any loans or student aid.  We can do this because my son lives at home, saving us the cost of student housing.  My husband and I agree that my son should not have to work if he chooses not to, as long as he focuses on school and keeps his grades up.  We are also trying to teach him how to make smart financial decisions.  He graduated with highest distinction from Jr. college, and has no desire to live on campus.

However, some friends of ours think that our son should be living on campus, even going as far as saying we should buy him a house near campus.  They have brought it up several times, and each time we have told them clearly that we have made the right decision for our family. 

Saturday night we met them for dinner, and they once again brought it up, even going as far as to show my son a picture of a girl who is looking for a roommate at the college.  Again we stated that we have made a decision that works for our family.

i am irritated, because I feel like they are overstepping their bounds by trying to change a decision that they have no part of.

Am I over reacting?  What should I say next time they bring it up?

 

They showed him a picture of a girl? Why? To entice him to live with her? Do they know her? Could she be a niece or some other relative whom they're trying to help pay for her own apartment?

Yes, I believe they showed him the picture of the girl to entice him to live with her.  I found that especially troublesome, like they were using her as "bait". 

She is not a relative they are trying to help, just someone they know.

Oh, they're just awful people! Trying to use s*x to get him to do what they want?

[Danika]

We are fortunate to live in a city with a well respected university.  My son is a junior, and commutes about 45 minutes to get to class.  Because of the in-state tuition rate, we are able to pay for his college education without any loans or student aid.  We can do this because my son lives at home, saving us the cost of student housing.  My husband and I agree that my son should not have to work if he chooses not to, as long as he focuses on school and keeps his grades up.  We are also trying to teach him how to make smart financial decisions.  He graduated with highest distinction from Jr. college, and has no desire to live on campus.

However, some friends of ours think that our son should be living on campus, even going as far as saying we should buy him a house near campus.  They have brought it up several times, and each time we have told them clearly that we have made the right decision for our family. 

Saturday night we met them for dinner, and they once again brought it up, even going as far as to show my son a picture of a girl who is looking for a roommate at the college.  Again we stated that we have made a decision that works for our family.

i am irritated, because I feel like they are overstepping their bounds by trying to change a decision that they have no part of.

Am I over reacting?  What should I say next time they bring it up?

 

They showed him a picture of a girl? Why? To entice him to live with her? Do they know her? Could she be a niece or some other relative whom they're trying to help pay for her own apartment?

Yes, I believe they showed him the picture of the girl to entice him to live with her.  I found that especially troublesome, like they were using her as "bait". 

She is not a relative they are trying to help, just someone they know.

Oh, they're just awful people! Trying to use s*x to get him to do what they want?

Additionally, maybe the OP and/or her son don't want him living with roommates of the opposite gender. Even if he lives on campus and they're all for it, maybe they don't want him having roommates who are female. Who are the friends to make that decision?

[LeveeWoman]

We are fortunate to live in a city with a well respected university.  My son is a junior, and commutes about 45 minutes to get to class.  Because of the in-state tuition rate, we are able to pay for his college education without any loans or student aid.  We can do this because my son lives at home, saving us the cost of student housing.  My husband and I agree that my son should not have to work if he chooses not to, as long as he focuses on school and keeps his grades up.  We are also trying to teach him how to make smart financial decisions.  He graduated with highest distinction from Jr. college, and has no desire to live on campus.

However, some friends of ours think that our son should be living on campus, even going as far as saying we should buy him a house near campus.  They have brought it up several times, and each time we have told them clearly that we have made the right decision for our family. 

Saturday night we met them for dinner, and they once again brought it up, even going as far as to show my son a picture of a girl who is looking for a roommate at the college.  Again we stated that we have made a decision that works for our family.

i am irritated, because I feel like they are overstepping their bounds by trying to change a decision that they have no part of.

Am I over reacting?  What should I say next time they bring it up?

 

They showed him a picture of a girl? Why? To entice him to live with her? Do they know her? Could she be a niece or some other relative whom they're trying to help pay for her own apartment?

Yes, I believe they showed him the picture of the girl to entice him to live with her.  I found that especially troublesome, like they were using her as "bait". 

She is not a relative they are trying to help, just someone they know.

Oh, they're just awful people! Trying to use s*x to get him to do what they want?

Additionally, maybe the OP and/or her son don't want him living with roommates of the opposite gender. Even if he lives on campus and they're all for it, maybe they don't want him having roommates who are female. Who are the friends to make that decision?

If they don't stop, I'd cut back on seeing them.

[MerryCat]

I'd be tempted to say "wow, he will be so excited to hear that you have offered to pay for his room and board"

LOL  That is one temptation I would not be able to resist.  Nobody has the right to tell you how to spend your money.

I actually like this suggestion. I'm not sure if it would be considered rudeness or PA to use this tactic every time they bring up the subject. But, on the other hand, they are imposing on your boundaries, so I think it might just count as defending your boundaries.

[Drawberry]

I'd be pretty flabbergasted if my adult friends where showing off females looking for roommates to my son like it was some kind of car show.

What are they trying to due, tempt him with the notion of sex? It sure felt like it while reading that, and I'd be absolutely shocked to see my own friends behaving that way.

It's like, what are you trying to do? Show him that if he goes and lives on campus he can pick from any girl he wants like a crane machine?!

It's upsetting on many levels, one that they'd use women to 'lure' your son out of his comfort zone and two that they're abusing the struggles of a strange young girl you don't even know.

[CreteGirl]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

[Drawberry]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

This as well.

It is one thing to comment "Oh if your looking to live on campus I know a young lady who is not opposed to housing with a man, I can give you her information if you like" and whipping out a photograph of her like she's some kind of prize for moving out of your parents home.

[LeveeWoman]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

I wonder if they promised her or her parents to help find her a roomie.