Your son should live on campus

[Danika]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

I wonder if they promised her or her parents to help find her a roomie.

Ohhh, so something's in it for them. They're not just trying to be helpful! That might explain the pushiness.

[LeveeWoman]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

I wonder if they promised her or her parents to help find her a roomie.

Ohhh, so something's in it for them. They're not just trying to be helpful! That might explain the pushiness.

It makes sense to me.

[jedikaiti]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

And I have to wonder... does the girl or her parents know that they're doing this? Sure, maybe they said they'd help find her a roommate, but do they know the friends are using her pic as bait?

[mbbored]

I lived on campus.  I loved it & it did teach me how to live on my own in a halfway house sort of way.  Getting my own apartment was far less of a shock due to my time in the dorms.  No it isn't for everyone, but it has its pros & cons just like living at home does.

This was my experience as well. However, in my opinion the point of this thread is not the merits of living at home versus away from home during college: it's how to deal with people who keep pushing in an area that's none of their business.

[zyrs]

You are not overreacting - this is very odd behavior on their part.  I suspect they are projecting their own experiences onto your son, perhaps imagining him being tied to home against his will, rather than enjoying the independence that in their minds is crucial to growing up.  I would say the next time, "Friend, this is the Xth time you have brought this up, and quite frankly, I don't understand why.  Son made the decision that worked best for him and we as his parents support him.  This is not up for discussion and if you continue to bring it up, we will be leaving."

This is probably the best way to handle it.  Them whipping out the girl's picture is very creepy.

[baritone108]

Am I over reacting?  What should I say next time they bring it up?

Try bean-dipping with a comment about the debt-free living class you all took/book you read and how you highly recommend it to them.  Each time they talk about your son living on campus you start talking about debt free living resources.

[Emmy]

I think the other part of what is bothering me is that they purposely brought a picture of the girl to show him.  It makes the whole topic seem "premeditated", instead of just something that came up during a normal course of conversation.

And I have to wonder... does the girl or her parents know that they're doing this? Sure, maybe they said they'd help find her a roommate, but do they know the friends are using her pic as bait?

If I was the girl or her parents, I would find it quite violating for them to be using her picture to attempt to lure the OP's son.  I don't know how else to take it than this couple tempting a young man with a picture of a hot female roommate.  Others have a good point about this couple possibly having another agenda.  It is one thing to bring up living on campus in a discussion, it is quite another thing to keep harping on it to the point that they have scoped out a place for son to live and have a picture of a potential roommate on hand to show the OP's son. 

[SPuck]

I LOL at the friend's suggestion that the OP buy a house for the college student. I have heard of people doing this, but they are only the most wealthy, IIRC. Most of us are trying to make it month-to-month, so this is a totally foreign idea. As for housing going up in value, well, that is a real gamble nowadays. Nothing's a guarantee anymore.

I think it depends on the situation, and if you like to invest in property. I read a story where I guy bought a house for both his sons attending college and it ended up costing them less because they were also renting rooms to other college kids than if they had lived in the dorm.

[Jones]

I LOL at the friend's suggestion that the OP buy a house for the college student. I have heard of people doing this, but they are only the most wealthy, IIRC. Most of us are trying to make it month-to-month, so this is a totally foreign idea. As for housing going up in value, well, that is a real gamble nowadays. Nothing's a guarantee anymore.

I think it depends on the situation, and if you like to invest in property. I read a story where I guy bought a house for both his sons attending college and it ended up costing them less because they were also renting rooms to other college kids than if they had lived in the dorm.

This only works for well behaved renters. I used to rent out a house and let me tell you, it got Expensive. Some people have no personal sense of responsibility.

[Danika]

I LOL at the friend's suggestion that the OP buy a house for the college student. I have heard of people doing this, but they are only the most wealthy, IIRC. Most of us are trying to make it month-to-month, so this is a totally foreign idea. As for housing going up in value, well, that is a real gamble nowadays. Nothing's a guarantee anymore.

I think it depends on the situation, and if you like to invest in property. I read a story where I guy bought a house for both his sons attending college and it ended up costing them less because they were also renting rooms to other college kids than if they had lived in the dorm.

This only works for well behaved renters. I used to rent out a house and let me tell you, it got Expensive. Some people have no personal sense of responsibility.

I had four friends, when we were all just out of college, and one bought a 4-bedroom 2-car-garage house and rented rooms to the other three. I once praised him for his wise decision to purchase property at such a young age. I said "It's such a great investment. Good for you!" to which he replied "Yeah, if you like having your friends destroy your house! And being there to watch them do it!"

[littlebird]

Honestly, when they talk to you, just say "Son has decided to live with us, and we're happy to have him" and he can prepare a similar response. And then just repeat it word for word it they continue to engage. And you son can say "I'm happy with my current living arrangements."

(thus speaks the adult phd student living with her parents because stipends do not equal living expenses)

[Giggity]

Am I over reacting?  What should I say next time they bring it up?

"Why do you keep bringing this up? Why is this so important to you?"

[jaxsue]

I LOL at the friend's suggestion that the OP buy a house for the college student. I have heard of people doing this, but they are only the most wealthy, IIRC. Most of us are trying to make it month-to-month, so this is a totally foreign idea. As for housing going up in value, well, that is a real gamble nowadays. Nothing's a guarantee anymore.

I think it depends on the situation, and if you like to invest in property. I read a story where I guy bought a house for both his sons attending college and it ended up costing them less because they were also renting rooms to other college kids than if they had lived in the dorm.

Dorm living can be expensive, that's for sure.

I can't help but think of NJ prices where I used to live; the average price for a home wax $400k! 

[Shea]

I lived in the dorms for two years as an undergraduate, and hated every second of it. I'd have given anything to commute from home (but given that home was a 5 hour drive away, this would have been impractical). I also know people who absolutely loved living in the dorms. The OP and son have made a decision that works for them, and these "friends" need to butt out.

I think that the best solution, since they are apparently extremely persistent, is to tell them, firmly and politely, that everyone involved is happy with the living arrangements, that they are not up for discussion, and ask that they not bring the subject up again, since it's intrusive. Hopefully they'll get the message.