General Etiquette > Family and Children

Do you speak?

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WillyNilly:
Well this is what you told us:


--- Quote from: Roe on November 06, 2012, 04:19:42 PM ---...When random people speak to him, he will answer their questions but he takes his time and processes their information/question before answering...
 
--- End quote ---

Which is no where even close to him not even realizing he was being spoken to:


--- Quote from: Roe on November 06, 2012, 04:33:55 PM ---My son wasn't just standing there staring at her.  He was looking at the exhibit and it took him awhile to even realize that she was speaking to him.  He wasn't rude at all, if he were I wouldn't have posted and I would've talked to him about it.

But no, he doesn't just stand there and stare at people when they ask him questions.  He answers when it's appropriate.

--- End quote ---


If he didn't know he was being spoken to being an introvert is not relevant information.  Even extroverts sometimes are reading a sign or there's background noise and don't know they are being spoken to.  So your question is wholly different then your OP.

If he just didn't even hear or register being asked a question, then that would have been an appropriate answer: turn to the tour guide and say "oh are you speaking to [DS]?  I don't think he heard you."  Then to DS, "she has a question for you". 

If she was truly rude about it and you want a sharper answer, you can ask "why would you ask such a thing?  That's rather presumptuous, he simply didn't hear you."

Roe:
Go ahead and take apart my words all you want. I'm not going to argue.  Too tired for that.

However, what I'd like is advice on what I can do in the event this happens again?

Thanks to anyone who is willing to give advice! 

Fleur:

--- Quote from: WillyNilly on November 06, 2012, 04:30:48 PM ---I have to say while I knew them as vocabulary words, I never other then eHell have heard people refer to "introverts" and "extroverts" and it always chafes me on eHell, as I find their usage somewhat obnoxious.  The usage of the words implies some sort of pleasure or something in reference to speaking or not speaking a lot.

While the tour guide was perhaps rude in tone, many adults don't expect children to be "extroverts" - which is to say most adults don't care if kids want to, or are happy to, or are comfortable speaking.  They expect kids to speak when spoken to and to answer relevant questions whether they are introverted or extroverted.  (Which is my issue with the labels - I don't expects guests at a party to be extroverts, I expect them to be good party attendees, one aspect of which is holding down a few casual conversations over the course of the event, just like I don't expect long haul bus seat partners to be introverts, I just expect them to amuse themselves instead of relying on me for conversation for hours on end - for me its about personal social responsibility, not social comforts.)

Whether your son is introverted or not, he'd do well to learn how to verbally communicate effectively in appropriate situations and labeling him as an "introvert" I think is not doing him any favors, but rather enabling bad habits.  Introverts still need to answer questions throughout life.

Now perhaps the tour guide didn't actually require an answer but if your son was asked a polite question and he just stood there not speaking for a good length of time while he formulated his answer, that's pretty unacceptable behavior (unless your child is very very young).  Even if the answer is "I'm not sure" or "I need to think about it" or "maybe" if its coming across that he doesn't speak at all, that should be concerning.  Not answering people and just standing there staring blankly at them is generally considered rude behavior.

--- End quote ---

QFT.

Slartibartfast:
He sounds like my DH, whom many people mistake for being shy because he doesn't talk much.  Mostly it's because he takes a few extra seconds to think through what he wants to say, so in group conversation people tend to just keep going before he gets around to speaking.  It took a while when we were first dating for me to teach myself to stop and count to three before assuming he's not going to respond to something.  (Seriously: the most frequent comment when I first told people I was dating him was "That's great!  Uh . . . does he talk . . . to you?")

There's nothing wrong with being reserved/shy/quiet/introverted (pick any or all of these as applicable), and the tour guide was really out of left field on this one.  I doubt it's something you need to have a ready response for because this seems like such an odd thing for the tour guide to say that I doubt you'll have a repeat any time soon!

sourwolf:

--- Quote from: WillyNilly on November 06, 2012, 04:30:48 PM ---I have to say while I knew them as vocabulary words, I never other then eHell have heard people refer to "introverts" and "extroverts" and it always chafes me on eHell, as I find their usage somewhat obnoxious.  The usage of the words implies some sort of pleasure or something in reference to speaking or not speaking a lot.


--- End quote ---

That's not what the words mean at all. Wikipedia has a fairly simplistic definition of the terms which may help you understand them better. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion

Just because they are not common in your life doesn't mean they aren't valid terms describing perfectly valid personality types.

The rest of your post also had nothing to do with what introverts and extroverts actually are.  I'm a classic introvert - I prefer to spend my time relaxing quietly or with a few friends, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't socialize in larger groups when the occasion calls for it.  Your entire post was really dismissive, and not a single trait you ascribed to introverts was accurate - those were all traits of *rude* people.

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