Author Topic: Do I tell her he's interested in her?  (Read 2560 times)

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Raintree

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Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« on: November 07, 2012, 02:26:02 AM »
I know an awesome single guy, Bob (He and I are casual friends but have never been interested in each other "that" way). The other day I was out with an equally awesome single female friend, Sheila, and since I was later going to a large social gathering (that Bob would also be attending) I asked her to join us since I thought the event would be something she'd enjoy. The matchmaking potential didn't even occur to me, which IMO is the way it should be.

Everyone had a great time at this event. Now Bob has emailed me to clearly express interest in Sheila, and he asked me if she is single, to which I replied that she is, and I added what a great person she is, etc etc.

I'm kind of excited for Sheila at this new development, that is, if it turns out that she shares Bob's interest. (At this point I have no idea whether or not she does).

Question: Should I tell Sheila that Bob had expressed interest, or might that wreck it for Bob? On the one hand, I kind of think that it has the potential to stimulate someone's interest if they know the other person is interested, and it might help things along. On the other hand, maybe I should keep my mouth shut and not meddle, and let nature take its course if it's going to. I don't want to make her skittish.

I think I've answered my own question. What do you all think?

Danika

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2012, 02:44:19 AM »
Did Bob ask you for Sheila's contact information, or might he already have it? If he has not asked you for it, then you might talk/write Sheila and say "I believe that Bob is interested in you because he asked me if you were single. If he asks me for your contact information, do I have your permission to give it to him?"

But if he already has it and he seems assertive enough to have told you he was interested in her, I suspect he'll contact her soon and she'll figure it out and so you shouldn't say anything.

Raintree

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2012, 02:48:30 AM »
Well he can always find her on my FB friends list and send her a friend request. This would seem like a normal and natural thing to do, since we do have a number of friends in common and she already had seen his name bandied about here and there.

Danika

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2012, 02:54:31 AM »
Then I think you can go either way with it. I, personally, wouldn't say anything to her unless you're super super close and you generally discuss guys you're dating, who you're interested in, etc.

Melle

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2012, 05:04:36 AM »
I think a key question is:
Did they "hit it off" at the event?
You didn't write anything from Sheila's point of view; were you able to observe their getting-to-know conversation and did it seem like Sheila might be interested, too? Did you feel any chemistry?

I ask because that's actually how my best friend met her husband. They met at a birthday party and had great conversations all night long. It was obvious to every onlooker that there was something going on. But my friend would have been much too shy to ask for his contact information; the birthday girl herself told her he had shown an interest and would it be okay to give him my friend's cell number.

If you're unsure or if Sheila doesn't seem all that interested, then I think you should just leave it up to them.

Luci

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2012, 05:27:56 AM »
Don't do anything more than get permission to give either party the other's contact information. 

They'll work it out.

Raintree

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2012, 12:45:04 AM »
I think a key question is:
Did they "hit it off" at the event?
You didn't write anything from Sheila's point of view; were you able to observe their getting-to-know conversation and did it seem like Sheila might be interested, too? Did you feel any chemistry?

It's hard to say, as I wasn't paying much attention. There were a lot of people there.

I haven't said anything yet; as I said before, he can always find her on FB and get her involved in more group events if he wants to suss out her interest. I will be seeing her next week so maybe I can quietly find out what she thinks of him. But no, I don't want to meddle too much.

WillyNilly

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2012, 01:30:22 PM »
I think since there is a lot of social overlap in friend circles, best to mention it to her. If you were his only point of contact it'd be different (like if one of them was a co-worker so no friends in common & not FB friends with you), but I think the less said the better. If Sheila is't interested it could be embarassing to her to have explain to you she already turned him down, etc.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Do I tell her he's interested in her?
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2012, 01:34:31 PM »
I agree with the others; less is more. I would bring up Bob's name in conversation and get a feel for where she is. This way I would know if I should encourage things by sharing contact information or not. After that, get out of the way!