When dinner is significantly delayed...

[Luci45]

If OP hadn't given us all the details, we would be saying things like, "So what's the problem? Just get a snack and lighten up!"

So she had to tell us the gravity of the situation and we can expand from there to other instances where being that late can be rather egregious.

So, it's not a real red herring, just an example to make the scenario make sense.

[ClaireC79]

Did the OP actually speak to Annie about the timing of the meal?  If not there is the possibility that it was a misunderstanding, such as meanings in brackets
A - come for dinner at 8 (we'll eat at 9 so can socialise for a bit first)
DH - that's a bit late isn't it, we're usually putting DH to bed then
A - you can come earlier if you want how about 6, our DS has finished his tea by then (we can socialise and then eat once the kids have gone to sleep, won't hurt them to top and tail)
DH - great we'll see you then (dinner will be earlier and DS can get back for bedtime)
A - OK (kids will be fed before we have a grown up meal after a few hours chatting)

[LeveeWoman]

Did the OP actually speak to Annie about the timing of the meal?  If not there is the possibility that it was a misunderstanding, such as meanings in brackets
A - come for dinner at 8 (we'll eat at 9 so can socialise for a bit first)
DH - that's a bit late isn't it, we're usually putting DH to bed then
A - you can come earlier if you want how about 6, our DS has finished his tea by then (we can socialise and then eat once the kids have gone to sleep, won't hurt them to top and tail)
DH - great we'll see you then (dinner will be earlier and DS can get back for bedtime)
A - OK (kids will be fed before we have a grown up meal after a few hours chatting)

From CakeBeret's first post: DH's best friend Joe has a new-ish girlfriend Annie. We were invited to Annie's home for dinner at 8pm, and DH told her he was sorry but we couldn't come over that late, as 8pm is DS's bedtime. We've spent enough time around Annie and Joe that they are pretty aware that we stick to bedtime pretty closely. So Annie said no problem, we could have dinner at 6:30 instead. That would give us ample time to eat, visit, and get DS home in time for bed.

[C0mputerGeek]

If OP hadn't given us all the details, we would be saying things like, "So what's the problem? Just get a snack and lighten up!"

To what details are you referring? Inviting someone to dinner at 6:30PM and then serving the meal at 9:00PM is rude, regardless of whether children were invited or I got along with the hostess. I would not tell anyone to "get a snack and lighten up!" However, that's mainly because I would have left once I saw that the dinner prep had not even been started.

As a frequent hostess, I am also aghast that the OP was "charged" $15 for the non dinner. I don't have my guests bring food/drink/etc. when I invite them to my home for a meal.

[mj]

I think Annie knew exactly what she was doing.  Moreover, I think she planned to do exactly that.  When she did not come out to say goodbye to you, that proved it to me.  A clueless, unorganized person would have rushed out to apologize for the delay. 

I'd tread carefully around her in the future.  I don't think I'd ever call her on it, but would certainly refuse any future invitations.

This is how I read it as well.  It could have been a misunderstanding, sure.  However with all the details and lack of apology, it really doesn't seem like a misunderstanding at all.  It reads to me that Annie meant to do this.

[Luci45]

If OP hadn't given us all the details, we would be saying things like, "So what's the problem? Just get a snack and lighten up!"

To what details are you referring? Inviting someone to dinner at 6:30PM and then serving the meal at 9:00PM is rude, regardless of whether children were invited or I got along with the hostess. I would not tell anyone to "get a snack and lighten up!" However, that's mainly because I would have left once I saw that the dinner prep had not even been started.

That's exactly what I am saying in the rest of my post

So she had to tell us the gravity of the situation and we can expand from there to other instances where being that late can be rather egregious.

So, it's not a real red herring, just an example to make the scenario make sense.

I've been on eHell long enough that I know we always ask for more details or make up a bunch of reasons why it doesn't matter so much. CakeBeret was just getting that part out of the way.

[ClaireC79]

What I meant was Annie may have said 'come over at 6.30', meaning DS can sleep on the sofa (which others have said their kids would have been happy to do) and the husband hearing it may have taken it as 'we'll eat at 6.30' and relayed it as 'she offered dinner at 6.30'

[LeveeWoman]

What I meant was Annie may have said 'come over at 6.30', meaning DS can sleep on the sofa (which others have said their kids would have been happy to do) and the husband hearing it may have taken it as 'we'll eat at 6.30' and relayed it as 'she offered dinner at 6.30'

That's not what happened.

 So Annie said no problem, we could have dinner at 6:30 instead. That would give us ample time to eat, visit, and get DS home in time for bed.

[Winterlight]

I think I would decline further dinner invitations.

[LifeOnPluto]

What I meant was Annie may have said 'come over at 6.30', meaning DS can sleep on the sofa (which others have said their kids would have been happy to do) and the husband hearing it may have taken it as 'we'll eat at 6.30' and relayed it as 'she offered dinner at 6.30'

It's possible, but the onus was on the hostess to clearly state this. All she had to say was "How about we feed our kids early at home, then you guys can come over at 6.30pm. You can put your DS to sleep on the sofa once his bedtime rolls around, and us grown-ups can have dinner." Then she would have been in the clear.

[LeveeWoman]

CakeBeret said in No. 78 that she does not put her son down to sleep in someone else's house because he wakes up at some point between then and when she gets him into his own bed 15 minutes away and does not go back to sleep.

Whoops! No. 78 was from CakeEater.

However, CakeBeret's No. 91 explains her situation.

I apologize for the mix-up, eHellions!

[Allyson]

A mixup from too much cake...sounds tasty...

Yes, in general 'come over for six thirty' could mean eating at a later point, and would mean that in some circles. But it was specifically discussed that it would be an earlier dinner, so that you could leave by a prescribed end date--8:00. In what world is serving dinner at 9 with no explanation or apology an ok thing to do? Regardless of the reasons, this was really rude. You could've had to be at work by 9, and it would've been rude too!

It's one of those things that makes my blood boil, and just seems like such total disregard for others. The 'oh, tee hee I'm always late!' personality is annoying enough, but when someone has specifically given a time they need to be out of there..do they think it's just a suggestion? If it really was a time got away from her scenario, she should have been falling all over herself apologising! I'd have been mortified.

[LeveeWoman]

A mixup from too much cake...sounds tasty...

Yes, in general 'come over for six thirty' could mean eating at a later point, and would mean that in some circles. But it was specifically discussed that it would be an earlier dinner, so that you could leave by a prescribed end date--8:00. In what world is serving dinner at 9 with no explanation or apology an ok thing to do? Regardless of the reasons, this was really rude. You could've had to be at work by 9, and it would've been rude too!

It's one of those things that makes my blood boil, and just seems like such total disregard for others. The 'oh, tee hee I'm always late!' personality is annoying enough, but when someone has specifically given a time they need to be out of there..do they think it's just a suggestion? If it really was a time got away from her scenario, she should have been falling all over herself apologising! I'd have been mortified.

Badda-boom! Badda-bing!

Annie did this on purpose.

[Only me]

So I don't think the OP was rude. She needed to leave, she needed to leave and the Hostess was way off on time.

I would be interested in an update to see how the Host and Hostess reacted after a couple of days. Cause I thought it was kind of rude of them also to note even come out to say bye.

[Maude]

So. What were the husbands'plans that were so flexible that they could be accomplished any time between about 8.00pm and 10.00pm?
I think that next time your husband has plans with Joe you should politely decline and spend the evening at home entertaining your child ONLY and not babysitting Annie's child.