Author Topic: When dinner is significantly delayed...  (Read 22593 times)

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amylouky

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2012, 10:54:24 AM »
You weren't rude. I'm guessing Annie doesn't have children.. I know before we had our little ones I kind of did an internal  ::) at people

They played with Annie's toddler.

Oh, duh. Missed that sentence in the OP, sorry. I'm envious of Annie, then, for having a child that is apparently more flexible with routines and schedules.

Sophia

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2012, 11:00:30 AM »
I don't think she ever planned on eating before 8pm. 

I would have left earlier.  Maybe 7pm.

lowspark

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2012, 11:03:02 AM »
Sounds like you pretty much did everything right, including (in my opinion) going above and beyond by waiting till 8 to finally leave.

I don't think she ever planned on eating before 8pm. 

I would have left earlier.  Maybe 7pm.

A big POD to this.

Miss March

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2012, 11:07:44 AM »
I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.
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WillyNilly

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #19 on: November 07, 2012, 11:09:42 AM »
You weren't rude. I'm guessing Annie doesn't have children.. I know before we had our little ones I kind of did an internal  ::) at people

They played with Annie's toddler.

Oh, duh. Missed that sentence in the OP, sorry. I'm envious of Annie, then, for having a child that is apparently more flexible with routines and schedules.

Some people just aren't schedule people.  I don't have kids but I keep to a pretty regular schedule in my aspects of life.  My BFF has a baby and once I just casually asked if she had gotten a schedule now due to the baby and whoa you'd think I asked if she planned on farming her kid out for Ebola virus experiments!  She was offended at the very idea!  She is adamant that her kid fit into her (and her DH's) lifestyle and not the other way around (a concept I generally agree with with, I had just been curious as I wasn't sure if things like schedules were something one could do that with... but maybe her kid came out used to it since when she was pregnant she didn't keep to a schedule either so even in-utero the kid was "eating" and "sleeping" at random times daily.)

Jones

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #20 on: November 07, 2012, 11:12:53 AM »
I'm not a schedule person either, but when Boo Bear started sleeping at a certain time in the afternoon and falling asleep at a certain time in the evening, with general crankiness when he was hungry, a schedule grew out of that  ;)  :D

TootsNYC

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #21 on: November 07, 2012, 11:14:55 AM »
I think it was a good move for you to wait since your son was behaving well. Once he got cranky, it would be clear why you were leaving, and it would seem much more reasonable. Leaving earlier might have come across as passive-aggressive on its own--and, as you say, abrupt.

Annie's toddler may have been at a stage that is more flexible; or a child that doesn't have such a need for structure. And her child may simply be used to a very different schedule, if eating later is something that she normally does.


(when my first kid was really little, I told the doctor that I had her on a schedule. He said, "Oh?" Yeah, I said--I have a piece of paper, and everytime she does something, I write down what time it is.)

NyaChan

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #22 on: November 07, 2012, 11:16:46 AM »
I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.

Well I can see why he might have thought that, even if it wasn't true.  There is something that strikes a person as "Whoa!" when a guest walks out before dinner.  What he didn't seem to get is that the host had caused the action, not their son's schedule.  I too don't think she had any intention of serving dinner on time.  She basically told you to come early during the time she had planned to cook anyways.

One question though for OP - did you actually say goodbye to your hosts before you left and they just stood there ignoring you?  Or did you just tell them you were leaving and they just acknowledged you were leaving but didn't specifically say goodbye?  I'm getting the feeling that they really wanted your husband over for dinner, but aren't particularly fond of you.

lowspark

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #23 on: November 07, 2012, 11:17:38 AM »
I think the child aspect of this is almost a red herring. What if the OP had a dietary condition that meant she had to eat at certain times? Or what if the OP had some reason she had to be home by a certain time? It's really not important as to why she requested an earlier meal, just that she requested it and Annie agreed to accommodate her. Being off by 15 minutes is acceptable. 30 minutes is borderline. Any more than that and it's rude and inhospitable. Which is why at 7, when it was clear dinner would not be ready in the next few minutes, I think it's ok to leave, citing the fact that the understanding was 630 and sorry, but we gotta eat (in nicer words, of course).

CakeBeret

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #24 on: November 07, 2012, 11:19:21 AM »
I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.

He has a skewed view of what's "rude", so I never really take his word on that. ;) He did apologize profusely that we didn't get to eat and the night was kind of a flop, so I don't really think he did anything wrong.

I was feeling really awkward about leaving, DH went into the kitchen and told Annie and Joe that I was leaving, and they didn't come out of the kitchen or make any acknowledgment. I called out "goodbye" as I left but got no response.
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HermioneGranger

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #25 on: November 07, 2012, 11:19:58 AM »
I'm not a schedule person either, but when Boo Bear started sleeping at a certain time in the afternoon and falling asleep at a certain time in the evening, with general crankiness when he was hungry, a schedule grew out of that  ;)  :D

Heck yes to this.  Do I miss flexibility and a bit of spontaneity?  Yes.  But a toddler with a set schedule?  Priceless.  We have our weekends and evenings back (to a degree). 

HermioneGranger

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #26 on: November 07, 2012, 11:21:22 AM »
I don't think she ever planned on eating before 8pm. 

I would have left earlier.  Maybe 7pm.

Likely.  And I would have left on time as well.  And if I was feeling really ungracious, packed up the groceries I had brought and taken them home with me. 

squashedfrog

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2012, 11:25:16 AM »
I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.

He has a skewed view of what's "rude", so I never really take his word on that. ;) He did apologize profusely that we didn't get to eat and the night was kind of a flop, so I don't really think he did anything wrong.

I was feeling really awkward about leaving, DH went into the kitchen and told Annie and Joe that I was leaving, and they didn't come out of the kitchen or make any acknowledgment. I called out "goodbye" as I left but got no response.
Its this bit that gets to me.  Have you spoken to them since? Do you intend to?  Because to not even acknowledge you leaving is actually beyond rude, it feels rather passive aggressive.

Jones

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #28 on: November 07, 2012, 11:32:39 AM »
I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.

He has a skewed view of what's "rude", so I never really take his word on that. ;) He did apologize profusely that we didn't get to eat and the night was kind of a flop, so I don't really think he did anything wrong.

I was feeling really awkward about leaving, DH went into the kitchen and told Annie and Joe that I was leaving, and they didn't come out of the kitchen or make any acknowledgment. I called out "goodbye" as I left but got no response.
Its this bit that gets to me.  Have you spoken to them since? Do you intend to?  Because to not even acknowledge you leaving is actually beyond rude, it feels rather passive aggressive.
Yes....this is very strange! I'm getting a "they don't care for you much" vibe from this action.

dharmaexpress

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Re: When dinner is significantly delayed...
« Reply #29 on: November 07, 2012, 11:36:15 AM »
What lovely hosting!    :o

I have a friend who does this to me every time she has me over for dinner.  I've learned to eat before I go, because if she says we're eating at 6, we're actually eating at probably 8:30 or so.  I've been trapped at her house starving more than once.  She's an utterly nice, disorganized person.  What are you going to do.

Anyway, I too think this situation was poor planning - entertaining people smoothly takes some practice (and sense?).  Their ignoring you when you left turned it into rudeness.  Unfortunate that your husband wasn't on board with your decision.

My friend mentioned above wants everything perfect and she's just scattered and slow in the kitchen - she'd be really offended if someone left, and I don't think she quite understands what a big deal it is to serve dinner 2+ hours later than you said.  I can see her being silent and huffy over something like this.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2012, 11:37:46 AM by dharmaexpress »