When dinner is significantly delayed...

[WillyNilly]

Hello - I'm new here although I've read for a while, so I hope it's OK to steam in on this.

I think Annie was probably a bit rude, maybe a bit passive aggressive and certainly badly organized.

However, I also think it's rude to turn up for a 6.30 dinner then eat and run, which is pretty much what you'd have had to do to get your son home for bed at 8. What time did you arrive?

I've read a lot of threads here about dinner parties and it seems to me that it's more about the food than the socializing, which I find a bit... odd. I do think it's rude to eat and run like that - it says 'I'm only here for the food' to me.

Its rude to eat & run at a dinner party, but that doesn't sound like this was.  This sounds more like a casual get together.  Its fine for a friendly meal to only last an hour or two - I mean when I go out to dinner with friends its usually only 1-3 hours at most, then we all go home, why should dinner at home be so different?

Plus to add to that, OP initially graciously declined the offer of coming over for dinner citing her schedule conflict.  Annie insisted and implied the short window of time was ok.

[perpetua]

Hello - I'm new here although I've read for a while, so I hope it's OK to steam in on this.

I think Annie was probably a bit rude, maybe a bit passive aggressive and certainly badly organized.

However, I also think it's rude to turn up for a 6.30 dinner then eat and run, which is pretty much what you'd have had to do to get your son home for bed at 8. What time did you arrive?

I've read a lot of threads here about dinner parties and it seems to me that it's more about the food than the socializing, which I find a bit... odd. I do think it's rude to eat and run like that - it says 'I'm only here for the food' to me.

If dinner were ready at 6:30, there would have been plenty of time for socializing during and afterward.  And besides, that was the agreement going into it.  The hosts knew the OP had a deadline.

I disagree. I don't think an hour - presumably the OP would have to get home, also, so would have had to leave before 8 - is enough time to politely socialize with someone offering you hospitality without implying 'It's all about the food!'

I do agree that Annie agreed to it, though. Perhaps her delaying tactics signify that she wasn't happy about it. Obviously not the best way to go about it.

Of course in this case the OP didn't get to eat so it's a moot point, but in general, this line of thinking puzzles me.

[perpetua]

Plus to add to that, OP initially graciously declined the offer of coming over for dinner citing her schedule conflict.  Annie insisted and implied the short window of time was ok.

Perhaps she wasn't as OK with it as she implied, hence the delaying tactics. A passive aggressive way of getting the message across, sure.  Not ideal.

[Drawberry]

Plus to add to that, OP initially graciously declined the offer of coming over for dinner citing her schedule conflict.  Annie insisted and implied the short window of time was ok.

Perhaps she wasn't as OK with it as she implied, hence the delaying tactics. A passive aggressive way of getting the message across, sure.  Not ideal.

This is what I feel was going on.

Maybe she hastily agreed without taking time to consider if she really wanted to host something that early, maybe her husband pressured her into it so the two guy's could keep their previous plans, who knows...but it certainly feels like her behavior was a passive aggressive tactic to get her displeasure across.

[Snooks]

Annie was definitely in the wrong but I think you should have gone in and explained why you and DS were leaving.  The way things panned out could come across as flouncing out.

[CakeBeret]

I disagree. I don't think an hour - presumably the OP would have to get home, also, so would have had to leave before 8 - is enough time to politely socialize with someone offering you hospitality without implying 'It's all about the food!'

I do agree that Annie agreed to it, though. Perhaps her delaying tactics signify that she wasn't happy about it. Obviously not the best way to go about it.

Of course in this case the OP didn't get to eat so it's a moot point, but in general, this line of thinking puzzles me.

It was a simple dinner (no multiple courses or anything), we could have eaten and been done in 30 minutes. With two toddlers, short meals are ideal. And as I was okay keeping DS out a tad bit late, we could have socialized for another hour after dinner, until eight o'clock. We only live 15 minutes away, and that would still get him in bed before 8:30.

Regarding my husband, I don't agree that he should have had to miss out on his time with his friend. It was already determined that Son and I would leave early--and in fact, we left at about the same time we would have, if dinner had been ready at 6:30. As for his idea of rudeness, I fully understand it because I was raised with the same people-pleasing mindset he was. It's not correct, mind you, but I understand why he thinks that way and it doesn't bother me.

Snooks, DH explained why we were leaving. By that time, I felt uncomfortable enough that I didn't want another uncomfortable interaction with them.

[bloo]

Cake, I apologize for being a Nosey Parker but have you had a chance to talk to your husband about Annie's attitude after you left?

[CakeBeret]

Cake, I apologize for being a Nosey Parker but have you had a chance to talk to your husband about Annie's attitude after you left?

I really have not, it's been quite a day.

[DavidH]

I think she was rude for serving dinner too late.  I can understand some delay, since dinner at 6:30 doesn't necessarily mean you can set your clock by it, but not to start cooking until an hour after the appointed time is unreasonable. 

On the other hand, I don't think you can complain that they didn't say goodbye to you since you made no effort to do the same to them.  Since one of them was presumably cooking by that point, going into the kitchen to say you're sorry you have to leave since it's getting so late would have been the right thing to do. 

[Yvaine]

Plus to add to that, OP initially graciously declined the offer of coming over for dinner citing her schedule conflict.  Annie insisted and implied the short window of time was ok.

Perhaps she wasn't as OK with it as she implied, hence the delaying tactics. A passive aggressive way of getting the message across, sure.  Not ideal.

That's kind of what I think too...unless she does it all the time. I have a friend who chronically invites people to dinner at six and, at eight, turns to her partner and asks "Should we make the chicken or the pork?"  You get used to it with her, you know what you're getting into, and she'll have candy or fruit to munch on in the meantime, but you're ready to eat the table itself by the time dinner is actually served.

[flowersintheattic]

I think she was rude for serving dinner too late.  I can understand some delay, since dinner at 6:30 doesn't necessarily mean you can set your clock by it, but not to start cooking until an hour after the appointed time is unreasonable. 

On the other hand, I don't think you can complain that they didn't say goodbye to you since you made no effort to do the same to them.  Since one of them was presumably cooking by that point, going into the kitchen to say you're sorry you have to leave since it's getting so late would have been the right thing to do.

The bolded is what's been bothering me about this story.

I completely agree with everyone else that Annie was rude. (If the additional background hadn't been given, I would maybe say she was just disorganized, but with the additional background that she and the OP don't exactly get along...I have to go with rude.) But I have hard time coming up with a reason that the OP wouldn't have gone in to say goodbye, unless she had to cut and run extremely quickly (if her child was on the cusp of screaming, for example), but that doesn't seem to be the case, since she knows that Annie and Joe didn't come out to say good-bye.

That having been said, I don't think it's a big deal given the background on OP and Annie, but I do think the better option would have been for the OP to say good-bye herself.

[Yvaine]

I think she was rude for serving dinner too late.  I can understand some delay, since dinner at 6:30 doesn't necessarily mean you can set your clock by it, but not to start cooking until an hour after the appointed time is unreasonable. 

On the other hand, I don't think you can complain that they didn't say goodbye to you since you made no effort to do the same to them.  Since one of them was presumably cooking by that point, going into the kitchen to say you're sorry you have to leave since it's getting so late would have been the right thing to do.

The bolded is what's been bothering me about this story.

I completely agree with everyone else that Annie was rude. (If the additional background hadn't been given, I would maybe say she was just disorganized, but with the additional background that she and the OP don't exactly get along...I have to go with rude.) But I have hard time coming up with a reason that the OP wouldn't have gone in to say goodbye, unless she had to cut and run extremely quickly (if her child was on the cusp of screaming, for example), but that doesn't seem to be the case, since she knows that Annie and Joe didn't come out to say good-bye.

That having been said, I don't think it's a big deal given the background on OP and Annie, but I do think the better option would have been for the OP to say good-bye herself.

I'd actually pictured the OP saying bye and the hosts just kind of going "Hrumph." I guess clarification is in order! 

[LeveeWoman]

From CakeBeret's No. 65: Snooks, DH explained why we were leaving. By that time, I felt uncomfortable enough that I didn't want another uncomfortable interaction with them.

[Jones]

She'd already tried speaking to Annie about help, been rebuffed once and ignored once. I doubt Annie would have been willing to hear an in-person explanation and goodbye at that point, as shown by the fact no one responded when she called a goodbye from the door.

[CakeBeret]

From CakeBeret's No. 65: Snooks, DH explained why we were leaving. By that time, I felt uncomfortable enough that I didn't want another uncomfortable interaction with them.

Yes. DH explained while I got DS ready. I rather expected one of them to poke their head out of the kitchen to say goodbye. I did call out a goodbye as I left, with no response.

And dh says they didn't eat until 9pm.