Author Topic: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?  (Read 3425 times)

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artk2002

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2012, 05:11:28 PM »
It's just that we've been friends since the very first day of elementary school. There's a lot of history there that I'd feel bad about throwing away.

People change. None of you are who you were in elementary school and to expect that your relationships would stay the same is foolish. Just as many things have a beginning, so do they have an end. Sadly, many of us hang on to things past their end-date, so rather than having good memories, tinged by a little sadness that they're over, we have bad experiences that taint the whole thing. One of the best things you can do with all that great history that you have is to not throw it away. Give it the respect it deserves by not stretching past the breaking point.

Here's an analogy from the world of newspaper cartoons. Bill Watterson, the writer of Calvin and Hobbes retired at what many think was the height of his career. I would have loved to have had that relationship continue, but it didn't. I can look at the old strips and remember how funny they were at the time I first read them (and how funny they are now), with a little bit of sadness that there won't be any more. When I was a kid, I loved Johnny Hart's cartoons, B.C. and The Wizard of Id. Both of those jumped the shark many years ago and now I can't go back and read them without thinking about how truly awful they became.

Which kind of memory would you like of this person and your relationship? Good ones colored with a little regret, or bad ones filled with bitterness and resentment?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Brisvegasgal

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2012, 05:56:47 PM »
Firstly, an invitation is not a save the date and no, you are not responsible for asking for details.

I have had a friend for the last 25 years who is very shy and doesn't like big parties and I would NEVER make fun of her for being herself.  That's because I'm her friend.  I also had a friend from elementary school and we've drifted apart. Our lives just went in different directions and we saw each other again recently (after not seeing or speaking to each other for about 15 years) and it was lovely catching up on our lives and talking about the old days but that was it. 

I hope you situation works out best for you.

cass2591

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2012, 06:14:09 PM »
background if interested, but not necessary for the question: I'm probably going to go because my sister wants to (she feels guilty) and would like the company and to be honest this friend has a habit of making fun my sister and I for being shy/reserved if we don't go to her parties. She'll get passive aggressive and mean to the point that we feel like we are lame and should go, but when I have something? She just won't come, "forgets about it", or comes for literally two seconds and leaves saying she has to go to the gym or out with someone else. Stuff like this is why I'm starting to drift away a bit.

I'll admit I'm not up on exactly who this woman is and why she seems to have so much power over you, but not only would I keep drifting I'd buy myself a couple of oars to expediate and increase the distance.
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Winterlight

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2012, 06:55:38 PM »
What Cass said.

Anyway, since she couldn't be bothered to tell you time and date, then I think you're off the hook.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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prairie_dances

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #19 on: November 13, 2012, 11:49:06 AM »
Thanks for the advice everyone. I ended up not going. Thanks again!
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

                                     
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blarg314

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Re: Is it up to the guest to follow up on a save the date?
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2012, 08:03:50 PM »

Ah yes, I just love people who make up their own set of rules for the universe, and then get mad when other people don't follow them.