Author Topic: Too picky?  (Read 7800 times)

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robobecky

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Too picky?
« on: November 09, 2012, 08:55:57 PM »
I just wanted to get everyone's consensus as to whether I'm being to nitpicky/rude/what-have-you.  I just got the save the date card for my brother's wedding next year.  It was addressed to Ms. Formal First Name Last Name.  Except my legal name is Nickname, not Formal Name.  Think Lexy instead of Alexis.  I sent a quick email over Facebook to my SIL to be (It had to have come from her, my brother knows my name ;)) and just said "Hey, got the card, I will.  Just wanted to let you know, my name is "Name", not "Formal Name".  Just wanted to give you a heads up, see you soon :)"

Does that seem ok?  I didn't want it to be a big deal, but I also didn't want her to put out invites or anything with my wrong name that our family would see.  And I admit, it frustrates me when I get called the wrong name, especially when I've always introduced myself or been introduced by my actual name, and people just make assumptions and call me the wrong name. 

What does E-hell think?

Surianne

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2012, 09:26:04 PM »
I think it's the kind of thing it's best to ignore, especially now that you've corrected her once.  It's a simple mistake and she's probably not doing it to annoy you on purpose.  Assume she has good intentions and leave it at that.

NyaChan

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2012, 09:29:35 PM »
You already sent her the correction, right?  And now want to know if that was okay to do?  I think it was fine to point it out.  It was probably a genuine mistake, and this way she now knows what your actual name is.  To improve it, I probably would have wrapped the correction in with something innocuous or positive.

robobecky

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2012, 09:33:02 PM »
@Nyachan. I did mention I got her S.T.D card in the email, and then mentioned the mistake with my name.  I guess I'm just hoping she doesn't take offense that I criticized her.

Shoo

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2012, 09:34:50 PM »
@Nyachan. I did mention I got her S.T.D card in the email, and then mentioned the mistake with my name.  I guess I'm just hoping she doesn't take offense that I criticized her.

She shouldn't take any more offense at you correcting her than you should have when she used an incorrect name for you.  You are almost family, after all.  It's something she should have asked her fiance about.  I think you were fine to let her know.

miranova

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2012, 10:06:57 PM »
I admit, if I had a friend named Bill who had only EVER introduced himself as Bill, I would still assume his "real" name was William.  I don't think that makes me insensitive or a bad friend.  Sure, maybe I should ask before sending an invitation but I really don't think you should take it personally.  I have a common first name that does NOT have one common spelling.  It can be spelled at least 5 ways that I can think of and all are equally common.  I have friends who still misspell my name after 10-15 years.  I don't take it personally and have never corrected any of them.  I simply keep signing my name correctly and eventually most people "get" that they have been spelling it wrong and they self correct.

On the other hand, I don't think it was "wrong" for you to point it out to her, but I think your wording could have been softer and more understanding of her mistake since it really is understandable. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2012, 11:21:58 PM »
Especially since she is about to be a member of the family, I think it's fine to correct her when the occasion arises. And now is the perfect time!

I might have suggested you add wording like this: "I thought you might want to update the wedding database."

And I might also have said, "My real name is actually Suzie, it's not short for 'Susan,' actually."

kareng57

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2012, 11:35:21 PM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

gmatoy

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2012, 12:03:54 AM »
Well, I think you were fine. I'd rather find out now than to keep making the mistake and having my soon-to-be SIL quietly fuming!

(But, I use the less common name for my formal name. And I use a very unusual spelling for the nickname. I get cranky when people who have known me for years still misspell my name!)

yokozbornak

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2012, 12:14:49 AM »
As someone who also has a nickname as my real name (with a weird spelling to boot), I think you were fine to point it out.  I don't mind if people misspell my name, but I do mind when I am addressed by the wrong name.

stargazer

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2012, 12:26:57 AM »
You were fine.  She should know that it is NOT your name.   You don't want other things to go out with a name that is not yours.

Brisvegasgal

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2012, 06:24:16 AM »
I think you we're fine to let her know that the formal name is not actually your name.  I thought is was a bit rude of her to not check with your brother.  I would be more embarrassed if you hadn't said anything ans I kept addressing you with an incorrect name.

bonyk

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2012, 07:40:57 AM »
Sooner rather than later is definitely best in the situation.  Imagine her finding out years down the road; I'm sure her first words would be, "My goodness!  Why did you never tell me?"

Kiwichick

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2012, 08:03:29 AM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

The OP doesn't go by a nickname, the nickname is her real name.


Magnet

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2012, 08:40:09 AM »
I think you were too picky.  While I didn't do "save the date" cards, I did do mailed invitations for my recent wedding.  Correction, the person who was responsible for sending out my invites out did the actual printing and mailing.  I farmed out this chore.  Perhaps your soon to be SIL did too and it wasn't her mistake.

The invitation is to a wedding, and there are oodles of conflicting "rules" regarding how to address invitations. You got the invitation (which after the wedding itself is the most important thing) and now you are correcting your host.  I think you should have let it go, and if it really bugs you then say something in private -- no text/email corrections.