Author Topic: Too picky?  (Read 7818 times)

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RingTailedLemur

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2012, 08:49:36 AM »
I think you were too picky.  While I didn't do "save the date" cards, I did do mailed invitations for my recent wedding.  Correction, the person who was responsible for sending out my invites out did the actual printing and mailing.  I farmed out this chore.  Perhaps your soon to be SIL did too and it wasn't her mistake.

I don't think that makes any difference - the name was wrong and it came from the FSIL, no matter who actually physically wrote it.

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The invitation is to a wedding, and there are oodles of conflicting "rules" regarding how to address invitations. You got the invitation (which after the wedding itself is the most important thing) and now you are correcting your host.  I think you should have let it go, and if it really bugs you then say something in private -- no text/email corrections.

The name was wrong and I don't think the OP was wrong to correct it.  As another poster said, it would have to be corrected eventually and delay would cause more embarrassment.

I don't see that text/email is not "private".  Those are valid ways of communicating and, in my life, much more common than speaking face-to-face.

OP, you did fine.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2012, 10:55:34 AM by RingTailedLemur »

rose red

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2012, 08:51:11 AM »
I don't think it's picky to inform someone of your real legal name. 

CuriousParty

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2012, 08:56:04 AM »
I did this at my own wedding <cringe>.  I assumed that my cousin's husband used a nickname, and put the formal version of the name on the place card.  My cousin informed me after the wedding that this was not actually his name, and I felt horrible - not because she corrected me, but because I made a mistake.  I did appreciate knowing, though, and if I had gotten the correction earlier (I probably did not use first names on the invites, so I don't think she would have known) I would have been glad of an opportunity to correct my own behavior.

In short, your SIL is likely to feel embarrassed, because most people do when they make an error like this, but that does not mean you did anything wrong, and in fact you very likely saved her from more embarrassment later on.

I would probably be ribbing my brother for obvious non-involvement in the process, though ;)

camlan

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2012, 09:07:04 AM »
I don't think you are too picky for wanting your about-to-be SIL to know what your correct name is.

I do think your brother should have told her.

What I'm not sure about is how you told her. I might have waiting until I could see or talk to her in person, and then just dropped it into the conversation. "Oh, by the way, I just wanted to let you know that my name really is Lexy, not Alexis."

You aren't criticizing her. You are letting her know what your name is. The longer you wait to deal with something like this, the harder it becomes for both of you.

Mind you, when my brother got engaged, his finance had a nickname that could have been the nickname for two different full names. When I asked him what her full name was, he didn't know. Once he found out, it was a name with two different spellings. When I asked him which was correct, he didn't know that either.  ::)
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Luci

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2012, 09:08:27 AM »
Of course you are not picky! It is part of your identity, and as far as I'm concerned as different as Luci and Zelda, but more understandable.

As long as you are polite and gentle, she must be corrected, especially as she will be a member of your family. I think your offhand way of stating it was both.

I know a Bill who is Wilburn, not William. Ed can be Edward, Eduardo, Edmund and some other names. We had a whole running thread, or sidetracked thread, on that a few years ago.

My dad got in trouble with the US Army because he was taught to spell his name 'Glenn' and didn't even know until he was an adult that his birth certificate said 'Glen'. That's an extreme case, but shows the importance.

Deetee

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2012, 09:10:00 AM »
I think you did the right thing. You corrected her as soon as you noticed and prevented this from carrying on. It is perfectly reasonable to have your future sil know your name. I also don't think her mistake was that big ( it is a reasonble assumption) so she can just register the correct name and you will be all good.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2012, 09:22:24 AM »
I think you were fine.  Better to catch this small error before it propagates.

Zilla

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #22 on: November 10, 2012, 09:26:12 AM »
I think OP was fine.  If legal name was the full name but you don't use it ever, then I would think you were a tad picky.  But it isn't your name period in any context.  You are correcting it for future invitations etc.  Email was also perfect as it removes any of that awkwardness on the phone/in person and she can forward it to whomever she may have farmed out the chore to if she did.

WillyNilly

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #23 on: November 10, 2012, 10:15:32 AM »
I don't think you were picky at all. Afterall Ms Alexis Smith at 123 Maple St Anytown USA doesn't even exist. Its not "picky" to give someone actual information, this wasn't about preference. This is about "hey there is no Alexis, my name is honest to goodness Lexi". I think it would have been quite exclusionary to not let her in on the family info in fact. Probably lots of people assume your name is Alexis, now FSIL has the real, inside, scoop.

jmarvellous

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2012, 10:35:13 AM »
The only thing I think you did wrong was approaching SIL rather than your brother. Shouldn't your blood relative know your name?

I guess I don't assume the man is hands-off to the degree that even if his fiancee is writing the invitations, he wouldn't have a responsibility to make sure his sister's name is done right.

(This comes from the perspective of a person whose brother is somewhat known for misspelling her name, but who would be radically offended if I were to use the long, incorrect form of his legal "nickname"-type name.)

MommyPenguin

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #25 on: November 10, 2012, 10:52:39 AM »
I think it was reasonable.  I know that I was trying to be all formal for my wedding invitations and would have used William for Bill (probably not Alexis for Lexy, though, as it could have been Alexandra).  I remember checking on a few names, and finding out that "Skip" was short for "Leslie" but that I should *not* use Leslie!, Marie's first name was Thelma, and Max was short for Maxim and not Maximilian.  But some seem so obvious it would never have occurred to me to check.

kareng57

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #26 on: November 10, 2012, 02:02:36 PM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

The OP doesn't go by a nickname, the nickname is her real name.


Yes, I'm aware of that.

stargazer

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #27 on: November 10, 2012, 02:08:28 PM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

The OP doesn't go by a nickname, the nickname is her real name.


Yes, I'm aware of that.

So why is it "too picky" to be addressed by your actual real name? 

kareng57

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #28 on: November 10, 2012, 02:18:26 PM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

The OP doesn't go by a nickname, the nickname is her real name.


Yes, I'm aware of that.

So why is it "too picky" to be addressed by your actual real name?

It's the way the OP went about making the correction that I consider "too picky", not that she made it at all.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Too picky?
« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2012, 03:07:17 PM »
Since you asked - yes, I think you were too-picky.

Many people who normally go by a nickname do expect formal correspondence to be given in Real Name.  Yes, this was not the case with you, and many people don't consider STDs to be formal correspondence, but in most cases people are way more likely to be offended by being called by the nickname as opposed to the longer name.

I think that it would have been much better to talk to her casually rather than having it by email.

The OP doesn't go by a nickname, the nickname is her real name.


Yes, I'm aware of that.

So why is it "too picky" to be addressed by your actual real name?

It's the way the OP went about making the correction that I consider "too picky", not that she made it at all.

Are you saying that you don't think someone should correct someone else when they use the wrong name?  Or that it shouldn't be done by email?  I disagree, either way.