Too picky?

[Susiqzer]

As a Suzanne who goes by Susi, I get called the wrong name a LOT. I also get chastised frequently for not responding to a name not my own.

The best was by my sister-in-law's grandmother, who "doesn't do" nicknames and thus refused to call me Susi, and got very upset that I didn't respond to her repeated yelling of "SUSAN! SUSAN!" I still have no idea what she was trying to tell me that was so important, because I wandered off without realizing that she meant me! SIL's mother later pointed out that Grandma was trying to get my attention, and I said that she should consider using my actual name.

So I fully support the OP for nipping this one in the bud, as long as it was done politely. It's that or a lifetime of being addressed incorrectly.

[CluelessBride]

I screwed up the spelling on the save the date and invitation I sent out to one of my fiance's (now DH) friend.  When the couple RSVPed to the invitation they filled out the card with the correct spelling.

I was livid.

At now DH. He was responsible for getting names and addresses for his friends.  I'd even double checked with DH on the spelling of this name because I'd never met the friend before and it was an unfamiliar last name.  He assured me he had checked with facebook.  Nope. I was mortified. I didn't even know this couple yet and it must have looked to them like I didn't even bother to learn their name. But I was also glad they corrected me before the wedding. I would have been even more embarrassed if I'd spelled it wrong on the place cards. I also made DH double check all of the other spellings on his side - and I watched him while he cross-checked things with facebook.

While OP might have had the opportunity to clarify things with the response card, the clarification could easily have been accidentally ignored ("Oh, Lexi was just responding with her nickname.  But the formal place cards should still have her full name"). So I think it was a kindness to correct her FSIL.

[Nuala]

So I think it was a kindness to correct her FSIL.

I agree completely.

[TootsNYC]

The worst that can happen here is one of two things, I think. Both have easy solutions.
1) The SIL is really embarrassed, and sort of secret resents Lexi for embarrassing her.
   SOLUTION: Lexi continues to be friendly and welcoming, and to treat her new SIL-to-be as "one of her inner circle," without ever referencing the error or the email. Should the topic come up, Lexi just says, "Yeah, it can be confusing to people, they just don't expect that to be my actual, real name."
   Time will heal that.

2) The SIL decides Lexi is a completely picky person, a deliberate nitpicker.
   SOLUTION: Lexi continue to be friendly and flexible, and to naturally show the ways she is accommodating, etc.
   Time will heal that, too.

[bopper]

How would you handle it if she called you Mary instead of Melissa?  It is the wrong name and you corrected her in, I think, a low key style.

[KenveeB]

It's not too picky to want to be called by your actual name. If someone sent me an invitation addressed to Kenvera instead of Kenvee, I'd correct them. It sounds like the OP did it in a low-key and polite way.

[hobish]

The only thing I think you did wrong was approaching SIL rather than your brother. Shouldn't your blood relative know your name?

I guess I don't assume the man is hands-off to the degree that even if his fiancee is writing the invitations, he wouldn't have a responsibility to make sure his sister's name is done right.

(This comes from the perspective of a person whose brother is somewhat known for misspelling her name, but who would be radically offended if I were to use the long, incorrect form of his legal "nickname"-type name.)

The reason I emailed future SIL is because she had to have been the one to send the card, not brother as he knows my name   So I figured I'd go to the source rather than an intermediary.  For the posters mentioning talking to her in person, we don't live anywhere near each other, and in fact have only met once, which was last month.  I think we'll see each other at Christmas, but no guarentees, and concievably we could not see each other until the wedding.  We live about 8 hrs apart.

Makes perfect sense to me. Really, if she is embarrassed about being corrected on something so small - and that she actually did do wrong - that is on her. You were completely polite and kind.

[TurtleDove]

I'm with the posters who say letting someone know your actual name makes total sense.  I changed my name about a year ago back to my maiden name.  At work, when I get correspondence addressed to my married name, I send a quick email responding to the subject of the correspondence with a quick note letting them know my correct name.  Especially in the context of a wedding and a SIL relationship, I think it is very important to correct what a person wants to be called, especially when the name used was actually wrong.

[robobecky]

Thanks everyone.  Glad to know I wasn't being unreasonable.  I haven't heard back from her, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how she acts towards me the next time I see her.

[Deetee]

Thanks everyone.  Glad to know I wasn't being unreasonable.  I haven't heard back from her, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how she acts towards me the next time I see her.

Please remember that if she acts all weird because of this, it reflects on her not you.