I was in a LDR with my now-husband for about two years. We actually knew each other from grad school but had moved to different cities after graduation (about 1800 miles apart). We saw each other at an event in my city, reconnected, and the rest is history. Here are my thoughts on making it work:
- We got into a good routine on communicating --- some e-mails during the day, but he usually called me on the way home from work. That worked really well for both of us, and I think setting aside a particular time is good.
- We committed to seeing each other every three weeks and alternated flights out. Since we both lived in major US cities that were hubs for several airlines, it was not too hard to do (and I watched for fare deals like a hawk, to keep costs down).
- I agree with the others who worry about the "vacation trap." I had never been to his city before we started dating, so it was really easy to do the tourist thing (and we did have a great time). Since we had both grown up in the region where I lived, we did not do it as much there, so it was a good balance of fun time and down time.
- I also agree that, at some point, someone has to move. It was apparent pretty early on in the relationship that it would have to be me, but we both wanted to be sure that things were solid before I made the move (plus, I had to go through a re-licensing for my professional credentials and finding a new job, which took about six months).
- When we decided I was ready to move, at first I was crushed that he didn't want us to live together. In hindsight, it was the best decision we made. It gave me time to establish my own identity in a new place, and I also did not have to worry about fitting in to "his" house. We wound up getting our own place, which we picked out together, just over a year after I moved.
There have definitely been bumps along the way, but neither of us could imagine life without the other now. So don't be afraid of the LDR!
