Author Topic: Long Distance Rel@tionships *another update pg 2*  (Read 1885 times)

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nalapuppy

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Re: Long Distance Rel@tionships *slight update
« Reply #15 on: July 06, 2012, 10:37:16 AM »
*Kind of a mini update*

It looks like we are leaning towards a LDR.  Still trying to take it slow, and realistic though. 

This previous weekend, I was able to take a few days off from work and drive down to his home.  We spent every minute we could together.  Lots of great conversations about whats important in our life, and about nothing in particular.  This is the type of man I wish I found years ago!  We have talked a little about the future, including possible relocation depending on what everything is like in another year.  We also are planning on him coming up to my house in about 6 weeks. 

Everything seems to be moving very fast with him.  I have never clicked with someone so much, so soon.  But the physical distance between us will force us to take it slow. 

takeheart

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Re: Long Distance Rel@tionships *slight update post 15*
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2012, 03:21:22 PM »
DH and I first met in May of 2008. I was married and he was engaged. He was rather rude to me, so I was quite surprised when a few months later, after my marriage was over and he was no longer engaged, Sister suggested we should go on a date. We met (again) at a party. We clicked! He made plans to see me the the next, next weekend, but we spent two weeks on the phone, texting, and emailing. When he came to visit, I was nervous, but it turned out to be an amazing weekend. We were pretty much a couple by then.

I was going to school and working 2 1/2 hours away from where he lived, which was my hometown. We dated for over a year long-distance. We saw each other about two times a month, usually on weekends, alternating between who drove to visit whom. Holidays were nice because we got to see each other longer. He proposed a few days before I graduated and I moved back to my hometown and in with him that weekend. Three years later, we're married and have an amazing baby boy!

LDR have its ups and downs. Obviously downs are that everything pretty much needs to be planned in advance, not all events can be attended together, that "missing" feeling can be unbearable, and it can get expensive. There were ups too though! I had a lot of time to do my own thing, I was able to focus on school and work, and time together were that much more special. DH jokes that he misses our LDR because he wasn't obligated to hang out with me for than a phone call or two and he got to play as much videogames as he wanted.

My advice? Be realistic and work on communication, especially about expectations of the relationship.

The biggest tip I'll give you is to make sure you keep it from becoming "unreality" as much as you can. There will always be a "vacation" feel in going to visit the long-distance SO, but if you see a million tourist things and go to a bunch of parties every time you visit, the constant entertainment can mask issues in the relationship. You need to spend quiet downtime together just hanging out or watching TV or reading books side by side or whatever, and maybe also some days when one of you has to go to work.

True! When DH and I moved in together, the first couple of months were rough. We had combined our finances, so we bickered about spending habits. Being on my own, I was used to sushi lunches and going out on weekends. I had to learn to cut back on spending and DH had to learn that not all spending was terrible. I didn't have a job when I moved, so I was depress for a while because I was so used to working and being a student. DH didn't know how to cope with seeing me unhappy because he was used to being around only a happy me. We had to learn each other's habits and make new habits together.

AreaWoman

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Re: Long Distance Rel@tionships *slight update post 15*
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2012, 03:53:57 PM »
I was in a LDR with my now-husband for about two years.  We actually knew each other from grad school but had moved to different cities after graduation (about 1800 miles apart).  We saw each other at an event in my city, reconnected, and the rest is history.  Here are my thoughts on making it work:

- We got into a good routine on communicating --- some e-mails during the day, but he usually called me on the way home from work.  That worked really well for both of us, and I think setting aside a particular time is good.
- We committed to seeing each other every three weeks and alternated flights out.  Since we both lived in major US cities that were hubs for several airlines, it was not too hard to do (and I watched for fare deals like a hawk, to keep costs down).
- I agree with the others who worry about the "vacation trap."  I had never been to his city before we started dating, so it was really easy to do the tourist thing (and we did have a great time).  Since we had both grown up in the region where I lived, we did not do it as much there, so it was a good balance of fun time and down time.
- I also agree that, at some point, someone has to move.  It was apparent pretty early on in the relationship that it would have to be me, but we both wanted to be sure that things were solid before I made the move (plus, I had to go through a re-licensing for my professional credentials and finding a new job, which took about six months).
- When we decided I was ready to move, at first I was crushed that he didn't want us to live together.  In hindsight, it was the best decision we made.  It gave me time to establish my own identity in a new place, and I also did not have to worry about fitting in to "his" house.  We wound up getting our own place, which we picked out together, just over a year after I moved. 

There have definitely been bumps along the way, but neither of us could imagine life without the other now.  So don't be afraid of the LDR!

nalapuppy

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Re: Long Distance Rel@tionships *updating again*
« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2012, 01:33:49 PM »
Hi everyone.  Sorry for pulling up an old thread, but I'm adding a little update.  Plus if anyone has any new LDR stories, they would be great to hear.

Anyway, on to my update:  The LDR is going fantastic!  This man is wonderful and amazing and every other good word I can think of.  He has come up to visit me at my home, and to meet my family.  I have gone to visit him at his home, and he introduced me to the people that are important in his life.  We have also met half way. We have a cruise planned for us in January, and a weekend mini vacay with my kids in February.  Plus he is coming here for Thanksgiving (yay!!!).

We have had so many conversations about the future, about what we both want.  He and I are very insinc with our life styles, parenting styles, activies, politics, ethics, religion, etc.  We are planning our future together.  My oldest graduates high school in the spring, then after that my other 2 kids & I are moving in with my boyfriend. 

It will definitely be a life change for all of us, but it feels completely worth it.  After everything that I have gone through in my past, I never imaged I could be this happy, content, excited, respected, and even loved by another man.