The last minute birthday party invite.

[MOM21SON]

This am I got a call from one of DS's friends mom.  It is friends birthday and she wanted to know if DS could go with them to funcity and spend the night. I had no problem with this but a few things left me wondering.

She explained what activities are available, that they would be staying in a hotel and come home tomorrow afternoon.

I said, "Since I have never been there can you give me a idea of how much money he will need?"  The answer was 30-50 bucks!  I sent him with 40.

A gift!  I rushed to the store and meant to grab a $15.00 Itunes gift card, I also got cash back, so when I got home I noticed that I bought a 25 dollar card.  Then DS didn't even know if he had a Ipod so I went back to the store to find a 15 dollar gift card of some kind.  I ended up with a 10 Sonic gift card.

I am wondering if that was too cheap?

[bloo]

With no time to prepare, you could have foregone a gift and told your son to tell his friend he'd be getting one later.

They put you in an awkward position by waiting so long to invite DS, they should be happy to get any gift at all.

[jpcher]

This am I got a call from one of DS's friends mom.  It is friends birthday and she wanted to know if DS could go with them to funcity and spend the night. I had no problem with this but a few things left me wondering.

She explained what activities are available, that they would be staying in a hotel and come home tomorrow afternoon.

I said, "Since I have never been there can you give me a idea of how much money he will need?"  The answer was 30-50 bucks!  I sent him with 40.

A gift!  I rushed to the store and meant to grab a $15.00 Itunes gift card, I also got cash back, so when I got home I noticed that I bought a 25 dollar card.  Then DS didn't even know if he had a Ipod so I went back to the store to find a 15 dollar gift card of some kind.  I ended up with a 10 Sonic gift card.

I am wondering if that was too cheap?

$10 for a gift PLUS! $40 to attend a hosted party? especially since the invite was last minute?

My flabber has been gasted . . . since when do you pay ($30-50!!!) for your child to to be a guest at a birthday party?



No. You were not too cheap at all.

[Tabby Uprising]

You were fine! $10 at Sonic can buy lots of tasty treats.

[Shoo]

I am appalled they told you an amount to send with your son.  They should have said all expenses were covered.  He was their guest.  The amount of your gift was more than generous, all things considered.

[MOM21SON]

I am appalled they told you an amount to send with your son.  They should have said all expenses were covered.  He was their guest.  The amount of your gift was more than generous, all things considered.

I agree, but I did ask.  When she was listing the activities I just knew he would need money.

[GrammarNerd]

I think you were fine.  Generous, even.  Because either you have a birthday party, and your kid gets a gift and you pay for the entirety of the outing, OR you let the other kid come with you just as a regular outing and have the kid pay for his own activities and your kid doesn't get a gift. 

I get that you asked, but I think since the other mom stressed that it was for a birthday, she should have declined the need for your son to bring anything.  Because $30-$50 is NOT just spending money.  That's a pretty huge wad of cash to fork over for a last minute invite for your kid to go out of town. 

OP, when the mom was listing the activities, did she do it in such a way that it seemed like she expected you to ask how much money to send with your son? 

(In a way, it kind of reminds me of a 'birthday party' that my nephew went to once.  My sister was wondering about a present, and my nephew said that everyone just brings $X amount of cash for the gift.  But then he had to pack up his XBox to take that along too; several kids were bringing their gaming systems and they were going to hook them together or somethng.  I remember asking, "so you not only have to bring a present, but you have to supply the entertainment too?"

[MOM21SON]

I think you were fine.  Generous, even.  Because either you have a birthday party, and your kid gets a gift and you pay for the entirety of the outing, OR you let the other kid come with you just as a regular outing and have the kid pay for his own activities and your kid doesn't get a gift. 

I get that you asked, but I think since the other mom stressed that it was for a birthday, she should have declined the need for your son to bring anything.  Because $30-$50 is NOT just spending money.  That's a pretty huge wad of cash to fork over for a last minute invite for your kid to go out of town. 

OP, when the mom was listing the activities, did she do it in such a way that it seemed like she expected you to ask how much money to send with your son? 

(In a way, it kind of reminds me of a 'birthday party' that my nephew went to once.  My sister was wondering about a present, and my nephew said that everyone just brings $X amount of cash for the gift.  But then he had to pack up his XBox to take that along too; several kids were bringing their gaming systems and they were going to hook them together or somethng.  I remember asking, "so you not only have to bring a present, but you have to supply the entertainment too?"

No, but when she was listing them, I was seeing dollar signs.  She did say, "If he needs more money I will give him some."

[Sharnita]

Actually, I think it could depend.  If going to duncity includes admission to a park and then the kids have the option to do x, y or z if they want individually then I can see it.  An example - we used to have field trips to Cedar POint.  We got really good deals on admission.  The kids could ride the rides for free.  What astounded me is the amount of money some fo them spent on carnival games and extra things when there are enough rides to keep you going for many days and we would be there for one. So I can see a host paying for admission to a park or something that has free stuff but not paying for costly extras.

[June24]

I am appalled they told you an amount to send with your son.  They should have said all expenses were covered.  He was their guest.  The amount of your gift was more than generous, all things considered.

I agree, but I did ask.  When she was listing the activities I just knew he would need money.

I disagree. This isn't really a birthday party. It's an opportunity for your son to go to Fun-city with his friend's family with almost all expenses covered, including transportation costs and hotel. I think that $40 is pretty cheap for a trip of that kind. Of course you could have said no if you thought that it was too much. But the birthday boy's parents were under no obligation to cover everything for your son. I wouldn't think of this so much as a birthday party, but more as a fun travel opportunity for your son. The fact that it seems as if your ds was the only "guest" reinforces the fact that this wasn't a hosted party. The friend's family was probably taking the boy to Fun-city for his birthday, and they decided that they'd ask along your ds because it would be fun for both boys, and they'd both get something out of it. If you thought that it was an imposition because they didn't foot 100% of the bill, you could have said no. I'm sure they would have been fine with it, as it wasn't really a party and it seems like your ds wasn't central to the plans. I'd leave the fact that it was the boy's birthday out of the calculations. If you son's friend invited your son to go along with his family for a trip, would you always expect them to cover 100% of the bill?

[MOM21SON]

I am appalled they told you an amount to send with your son.  They should have said all expenses were covered.  He was their guest.  The amount of your gift was more than generous, all things considered.

I agree, but I did ask.  When she was listing the activities I just knew he would need money.

I disagree. This isn't really a birthday party. It's an opportunity for your son to go to Fun-city with his friend's family with almost all expenses covered, including transportation costs and hotel. I think that $40 is pretty cheap for a trip of that kind. Of course you could have said no if you thought that it was too much. But the birthday boy's parents were under no obligation to cover everything for your son. I wouldn't think of this so much as a birthday party, but more as a fun travel opportunity for your son. The fact that it seems as if your ds was the only "guest" reinforces the fact that this wasn't a hosted party. The friend's family was probably taking the boy to Fun-city for his birthday, and they decided that they'd ask along your ds because it would be fun for both boys, and they'd both get something out of it. If you thought that it was an imposition because they didn't foot 100% of the bill, you could have said no. I'm sure they would have been fine with it, as it wasn't really a party and it seems like your ds wasn't central to the plans. I'd leave the fact that it was the boy's birthday out of the calculations. If you son's friend invited your son to go along with his family for a trip, would you always expect them to cover 100% of the bill?

Excuse me?  I never said anything you posted.  I posted how it went down, the money I was told to send with DS and my main question was, "Was my 10 dollar sonic gift card too cheap?

And if it makes a difference, I would never send my DS out of town with no money with anyone.  Every trip my DS has invited a friend to, we have always paid, always.  But again, that was not my question.

[Sharnita]

OP, another poster said they were appalled that they told you an amount to send.  They went on to say all expenses should be covered.  You responded that you agreed.  I think that is what is being referenced.

[MOM21SON]

OP, another poster said they were appalled that they told you an amount to send.  They went on to say all expenses should be covered.  You responded that you agreed.  I think that is what is being referenced.

Yes, sorry, I see that now.  I was appalled that it was that much.  I was not appalled over sending him with money.

[June24]

OP, another poster said they were appalled that they told you an amount to send.  They went on to say all expenses should be covered.  You responded that you agreed.  I think that is what is being referenced.

Yep, this is exactly what I mean. OP, you agreed that you were "appalled" that all expenses were not covered. As for the question about the gift card, I personally would have gotten more, but I don't think it was an etiquette violation for you to get the $10 card.

ETA: Just saw your previous post. I have to say it doesn't sound like an abnormally large amount for what sounds like a weekend trip, especially if they'll be going to amusement parks and other places that require tickets.

[MOM21SON]

OP, another poster said they were appalled that they told you an amount to send.  They went on to say all expenses should be covered.  You responded that you agreed.  I think that is what is being referenced.

Yep, this is exactly what I mean. OP, you agreed that you were "appalled" that all expenses were not covered. As for the question about the gift card, I personally would have gotten more, but I don't think it was an etiquette violation for you to get the $10 card.

ETA: Just saw your previous post. I have to say it doesn't sound like an abnormally large amount for what sounds like a weekend trip, especially if they'll be going to amusement parks and other places that require tickets.

No amusement park, it is actually camping, but there are activities that require money. 

I ended up with a 10 dollar card because the choice was 10 or 30.  Another thing, the boys haven't had any contact in about 6 months due to different school schedules.  They enjoy each others company but its not a BFF type of thing.

So should I get a new gift?  DS said 10 was fine, but I feel cheap.