The last minute birthday party invite.

[June24]

OP, another poster said they were appalled that they told you an amount to send.  They went on to say all expenses should be covered.  You responded that you agreed.  I think that is what is being referenced.

Yep, this is exactly what I mean. OP, you agreed that you were "appalled" that all expenses were not covered. As for the question about the gift card, I personally would have gotten more, but I don't think it was an etiquette violation for you to get the $10 card.

ETA: Just saw your previous post. I have to say it doesn't sound like an abnormally large amount for what sounds like a weekend trip, especially if they'll be going to amusement parks and other places that require tickets.

No amusement park, it is actually camping, but there are activities that require money. 

I ended up with a 10 dollar card because the choice was 10 or 30.  Another thing, the boys haven't had any contact in about 6 months due to different school schedules.  They enjoy each others company but its not a BFF type of thing.

So should I get a new gift?  DS said 10 was fine, but I feel cheap.

Since they haven't seen each other in months and probably aren't that close, I think that $10 is plenty and you don't need to add more. I think that that's a fine amount for a young boy who your ds isn't super close to. I thought that it was a BFF relationship since they were inviting your ds for an overnight trip. Also the $30 card probably would have been too much.

[kudeebee]

$10 is fine.  Stop worrying about it.

[Zilla]

I would have your son buy him a treat somewhere while on the trip.  An ice cream or something.  And that's a very expensive camping trip!

[Two Ravens]

Wait, are they going camping in a hotel? I thought they were going to a city? (I thought $40 was kind of a small amount for a trip to the big city, but for camping it would be okay.)

I would agree that this does not sound like a birthday party. More like the trip was a treat for the birthday boy, and the parents decided to make it more fun by allowing him to bring a friend with him.

[MOM21SON]

Wait, are they going camping in a hotel? I thought they were going to a city? (I thought $40 was kind of a small amount for a trip to the big city, but for camping it would be okay.)

I would agree that this does not sound like a birthday party. More like the trip was a treat for the birthday boy, and the parents decided to make it more fun by allowing him to bring a friend with him.

It is a big ranch type place, a camp ground and they have made it into like its own little city.  It has a huge camping area and they built one hotel and one restaurant for city slickers that want a taste of the ranch life.

I hope that makes sense.

Edited to add, I just looked it up and they have a few cabins as well

[DaDancingPsych]

I think $10 is a fine amount to spend on a gift. $30 is probably too much, unless the two were extremely close. When I'm unsure what to spend, I tend to look at the spending history. If this friend was invited to DS's parties, what were the approximate gift amounts? While I would guess that etiquette says that you should pay what you can afford, I tend to match gifts when possible. I think it avoids awkward feelings from either party. I assume that this is a decent family, so they probably just thought that the gift was thoughtful!

[TootsNYC]

My kid sometimes gets gift cards of $25 or even more, and it's always weird to me that it's so much.

Especially because my kid doesn't get invited to birthday parties, so he doesn't get a chance to *give* gifts.

Of course, the attendees at my kid's parties get the "gift" of a day at the paint-ball place, or an afternoon of running around a huge room with Nerf guns. Which may be influencing the decision, I suppose. So I think I might have been more likely to go with $25.

In the matter of the spending money, I can see a scenario in which I'd arranged a trip like that with a few activities that I was funding, but knowing that the kids might want to do other stuff, or buy stuff, or whatever. So while they'd have a full party without bringing money, they might also want to bring some for their own reasons.

I don't think I'd be required to provide souvenir money and every activity the kid wanted to do.

[Sharnita]

My kid sometimes gets gift cards of $25 or even more, and it's always weird to me that it's so much.

Especially because my kid doesn't get invited to birthday parties, so he doesn't get a chance to *give* gifts.

Of course, the attendees at my kid's parties get the "gift" of a day at the paint-ball place, or an afternoon of running around a huge room with Nerf guns. Which may be influencing the decision, I suppose. So I think I might have been more likely to go with $25.

In the matter of the spending money, I can see a scenario in which I'd arranged a trip like that with a few activities that I was funding, but knowing that the kids might want to do other stuff, or buy stuff, or whatever. So while they'd have a full party without bringing money, they might also want to bring some for their own reasons.

I don't think I'd be required to provide souvenir money and every activity the kid wanted to do.

I totally agree

[Mikayla]

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but when the mom was listing activities, if she was a good hostess, she would have followed that by saying all costs were were covered.  Otherwise, she's throwing a party she can't afford.

Why is this different from hosting a party at Bounce House and asking each guest to contribute $15 towards cover charge?  The fact that it's overnight doesn't change anything, imo. 

And I think a $10 Sonic card is a great gift.

[TootsNYC]

But if I host a party at the Bounce House and pay for the Bounce House and provide meals, but the kids want to go to the Skee Ball next to the Bounce House, why should I pay for that?

Or if I pay for two trips through the Bounce House, and THAT is the party, why should I pay for the third or fourth trip? Or a trip to the snack bar?

[HermioneGranger]

Wow.  She should have told you that all expenses were covered, and to send a little money for an extra treat and/or some souvenirs.  That's very likely the kind of birthday "party" my daughter will have, due to when it occurs.  I wouldn't dream of asking the parent of her guest to pay for anything.  I agree with the poster that said it's like having a party at the Bouncy House, and asking each guest to pay their own way. 

Still, I hope he had fun.   

[MOM21SON]

Thanks everyone!  He had a blast!  And came home flat broke.  The sonic giftcard was well received.

They did skeet shooting, 25 bucks a pop, the rodeo, 15.50.  So she did buy his food.  DS had such a good time! However he didn't really care for the rodeo but the girls were nice, he said

[GrammarNerd]

Thanks everyone!  He had a blast!  And came home flat broke.  The sonic giftcard was well received.

They did skeet shooting, 25 bucks a pop, the rodeo, 15.50.  So she did buy his food.  DS had such a good time! However he didn't really care for the rodeo but the girls were nice, he said

Well, in that case, I guess you're off the hook.  I still think the Sonic card was a nice gift, and I would even go so far as to say that part of your gift was the fact that you forked over a pretty good amount of money, on short notice, so your son could go and the friend could have someone his own age to hang with.  Because presumably, if you hadn't sent your son with the money, the other boy wouldn't have has as good of a time b/c he wouldn't have been able to share those things with a friend (and it sounds like friend's mom wasn't going to pay for your son to do the activities if you didn't.)

So I think you're in the clear.