Author Topic: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.  (Read 5107 times)

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JeanFromBNA

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #15 on: December 01, 2012, 03:21:11 PM »
I think that homemade treats are in their own category.  I have eased back on gift giving and receiving considerably because often it's just an exchange of gift cards, but I wouldn't refuse Christmas cookies or a pie.  It would seem like I was insulting the cook.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #16 on: December 01, 2012, 03:32:53 PM »
When you're passing out the bags, you could offer him one and ask, "Would you like a treat bag?"  He can accept or decline, no big deal.

You shouldn't worry or stress or feel awkward over a situation that you didn't create.  It's sufficient to behave as graciously as you can under the circumstances.
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Docslady21

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2012, 07:57:36 PM »
Is it ok to say something acknowledging you respect his "no gifts" policy, but you made him extra cookies in case those don't count?

I tend to call it out into the open when something like this occurs. "Brother, we agreed no gifts, but I always make everyone cookies. So I sat there and thought 'what if he would want cookies and I hurt his feelings? What if he doesn't and I make him feel bad?' Anyway, I made an extra bag because I figured this year I would learn for sure. If you want them, awesome. If not, awesome."


Winterlight

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2012, 08:40:34 PM »
How about putting the bags in a bowl and passing it around? Then everyone can take or not as they wish.
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sweetonsno

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2012, 09:28:24 PM »
When you're passing out the bags, you could offer him one and ask, "Would you like a treat bag?"  He can accept or decline, no big deal.

You shouldn't worry or stress or feel awkward over a situation that you didn't create.  It's sufficient to behave as graciously as you can under the circumstances.

I think this is the best way to go. Think of these as a party favor and offer them. So long as you haven't wrapped them up beautifully (colored plastic wrap and a ribbon is fine, I think, but I'd avoid getting anything fancy) or attached big cards, I really don't think they'll read as a gift.

Mikayla

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #20 on: December 04, 2012, 04:48:32 PM »
I think if I were the OP, I'd decide this wasn't a "gift" so much as a "party favor" sort of thing.

I was thinking the same thing.  "This isn't a gift; it's leftovers".


Lynn2000

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #21 on: December 04, 2012, 05:15:49 PM »
Is it ok to say something acknowledging you respect his "no gifts" policy, but you made him extra cookies in case those don't count?

I tend to call it out into the open when something like this occurs. "Brother, we agreed no gifts, but I always make everyone cookies. So I sat there and thought 'what if he would want cookies and I hurt his feelings? What if he doesn't and I make him feel bad?' Anyway, I made an extra bag because I figured this year I would learn for sure. If you want them, awesome. If not, awesome."

I think this is a "know your audience" thing. Some people would appreciate their wishes being openly acknowledged; other people would feel defensive about it and put on the spot. If I wasn't sure I would default to not saying anything. If Brother said anything himself ("Hey, I said I don't do gifts"), I think the above wording would be a great response.

And OP, thank you for respecting his "no gifts" wishes. I know some people who would think that request was "silly" or "not in the spirit of the holiday" and insist on getting him something anyway. Or, more charitably, they personally would feel uncomfortable not getting him anything, so they would get him something small (but more gifty than cookies for all), and then make him uncomfortable.
~Lynn2000

Rhindle

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2012, 06:44:00 PM »
I second what Lynn2000 said. Getting gifts at this time of year is very uncomfortable for those of us who don't do the gift thing.

Hmmmmm

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2012, 08:16:01 PM »
I was all for the generic bag concept and handing out bags as treats until I started thinking about how my sis and BIL does their homemade treats.  They package them specific for each receiver.  More peanut brittle for DD, lots of rum balls for me, tons of turtles for DS, and very little chocolate for DH.  And they wrap,them beautifully or creatively and they are under the tree and are just as anticipated a gift every year as anything else and are opened with all the other gifts.  I'd hate to start getting a generic bag as a party favor because someone else doesn't like gifts.  and I know my sis would feel like she was no longer giving personalized gifts to us.

So, OP, if you give the same to everyone, then I think having a an extra for him is fine.  But if you hand them out when other gifts are distributed, then I probably wouldn't give him one then, but instead hand it to him when he leaves, and make it look as non-gifty as possible.

bopper

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Re: When someone doesn't "do" gifts.
« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2012, 03:50:56 PM »
Give the cookies to everyone and then have some extra bags "'in case" and tell him that you have extra bags so if he is interested, there are some for him to take, but if he is not interested you take no offense.