Author Topic: Skinny Shaming (long)  (Read 8621 times)

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Only me

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #45 on: November 14, 2012, 01:32:54 PM »
Hi MM,

You've gotten some good advise and hopefully some of it will work.

I say address is head on as she's actually harrassing you. (Not giving any legal advise). I've been through something similar and didn't recognize it as harrassament until after the fact. Something like "So you've said, you know these are inappropriate comments and could be ensued as harrassement has worked for me in the past". I don't know the situation but I can see where its might make her mad if you say this but whatever. I;ll be a learning experience for you to deal with people who will try to do this to you.

I believe people are correct she's got some issues, and I really like the suggestion of pointing out to  her that if "small" is a problem for her, she's not going to be effective in dealing with her job.

Me me me

mharbourgirl

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #46 on: November 14, 2012, 03:05:33 PM »
I'd just like to comment on those who said some variation of 'Well, if you can't take HER comments about your body how are you going to handle the nasty things offenders will say to you?'.

The two things are actually worlds apart in nature.  Offenders can say what they want, a corrections officer can just let it bounce off because they don't have an emotional stake in whether the offender likes them or not.  A co-worker, on the other hand, and especially in this kind of environment, has to be someone you get on with and can TRUST to have your back in a tense situation. And that means not dishing out the same kind of unpleasantness coming from the offender.  This co-worker is dangerously insecure in her self-image and I wouldn't want to work a shift with her knowing full well that at any random comment from an inmate she might just join the inmate in trashing me publicly if she was in the mood to do so.  Not a healthy work situation for anyone.

Oh, and co-worker isn't an alpha.  She's an alpha-wanna-be.  She's behaving in ways she thinks alphas behave and expecting that will give her automatic dominance over a female she feels threatened by.  If she were a natural alpha she wouldn't behave that way. 

Sharnita

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #47 on: November 14, 2012, 03:16:33 PM »
I think you misunderstoof - we were saying that if tje COWORKER claims she can't handle/ stop OP because of her "small" size then the voworker is in trouble because the job requires her to deal with inmates of various sizes, incuding smsll/skinny ones.

Fleur

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #48 on: November 14, 2012, 03:20:08 PM »
I think you misunderstoof - we were saying that if tje COWORKER claims she can't handle/ stop OP because of her "small" size then the voworker is in trouble because the job requires her to deal with inmates of various sizes, incuding smsll/skinny ones.

No, mharbourgirl is correct: there were one or two posts essentially saying that Mental Magpie had to deal because of the job she is training to do. I POD mharbourgirl's entire post.

peach2play

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #49 on: November 14, 2012, 03:28:17 PM »
"Please do not take your insecurities out on me."

Iris

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #50 on: November 14, 2012, 04:15:19 PM »
I think you misunderstoof - we were saying that if tje COWORKER claims she can't handle/ stop OP because of her "small" size then the voworker is in trouble because the job requires her to deal with inmates of various sizes, incuding smsll/skinny ones.

No, mharbourgirl is correct: there were one or two posts essentially saying that Mental Magpie had to deal because of the job she is training to do. I POD mharbourgirl's entire post.

I think I may have posted one of the posts to which you were referring, but I think you misread my post, and the situation. MentalMagpie will NOT be working with this woman, it says so in the OP. MM only has to put up with her during basic training. To me, that puts her (the skinny-shamer, that is) insulting behaviour on a level with that of the inmates - yes, she definitely has insecurities but MM can, if she chooses, just let them slide off because after the next few weeks it's not her problem anymore.

I certainly didn't mean "Well, if you can't take HER comments about your body how are you going to handle the nasty things offenders will say to you?" as mharbourgirl has suggested, and I think that is certainly a harsh reading of the posts like mine. I simply meant "Hey, you're in training, this is another aspect of your job, why not use it as an opportunity to practice that?" Naturally it's up to MM, but personally I wouldn't bother with supervisors etc for someone that I only have to deal with for another few weeks. That's just how I operate. YMMV.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #51 on: November 14, 2012, 07:47:29 PM »
I think you misunderstoof - we were saying that if tje COWORKER claims she can't handle/ stop OP because of her "small" size then the voworker is in trouble because the job requires her to deal with inmates of various sizes, incuding smsll/skinny ones.

No, mharbourgirl is correct: there were one or two posts essentially saying that Mental Magpie had to deal because of the job she is training to do. I POD mharbourgirl's entire post.

I think I may have posted one of the posts to which you were referring, but I think you misread my post, and the situation. MentalMagpie will NOT be working with this woman, it says so in the OP. MM only has to put up with her during basic training. To me, that puts her (the skinny-shamer, that is) insulting behaviour on a level with that of the inmates - yes, she definitely has insecurities but MM can, if she chooses, just let them slide off because after the next few weeks it's not her problem anymore.

I certainly didn't mean "Well, if you can't take HER comments about your body how are you going to handle the nasty things offenders will say to you?" as mharbourgirl has suggested, and I think that is certainly a harsh reading of the posts like mine. I simply meant "Hey, you're in training, this is another aspect of your job, why not use it as an opportunity to practice that?" Naturally it's up to MM, but personally I wouldn't bother with supervisors etc for someone that I only have to deal with for another few weeks. That's just how I operate. YMMV.

FWIW, I read a few just as mharbourgirl did.  I have been trying to figure out how to articulate my feelings, but she did it pretty well for me.  I also have strict rules to follow when the inmates say something inappropriate; I do not have those guidelines for a coworker and think they are not fully applicable to a coworker.

I have not been near her the past two days, but will be near her tomorrow during firearms training.  I'm just waiting for her to say something about the shotgun being too big for me and that she's surprised it didn't knock me over...at least I have a set phrase to respond.

"Your numerous comments about my body are inappropriate and they need to stop."
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Fleur

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #52 on: November 15, 2012, 05:14:16 AM »
I think you misunderstoof - we were saying that if tje COWORKER claims she can't handle/ stop OP because of her "small" size then the voworker is in trouble because the job requires her to deal with inmates of various sizes, incuding smsll/skinny ones.

No, mharbourgirl is correct: there were one or two posts essentially saying that Mental Magpie had to deal because of the job she is training to do. I POD mharbourgirl's entire post.

I think I may have posted one of the posts to which you were referring, but I think you misread my post, and the situation. MentalMagpie will NOT be working with this woman, it says so in the OP. MM only has to put up with her during basic training. To me, that puts her (the skinny-shamer, that is) insulting behaviour on a level with that of the inmates - yes, she definitely has insecurities but MM can, if she chooses, just let them slide off because after the next few weeks it's not her problem anymore.

I certainly didn't mean "Well, if you can't take HER comments about your body how are you going to handle the nasty things offenders will say to you?" as mharbourgirl has suggested, and I think that is certainly a harsh reading of the posts like mine. I simply meant "Hey, you're in training, this is another aspect of your job, why not use it as an opportunity to practice that?" Naturally it's up to MM, but personally I wouldn't bother with supervisors etc for someone that I only have to deal with for another few weeks. That's just how I operate. YMMV.

FWIW, I read a few just as mharbourgirl did.  I have been trying to figure out how to articulate my feelings, but she did it pretty well for me. I also have strict rules to follow when the inmates say something inappropriate; I do not have those guidelines for a coworker and think they are not fully applicable to a coworker.
I have not been near her the past two days, but will be near her tomorrow during firearms training.  I'm just waiting for her to say something about the shotgun being too big for me and that she's surprised it didn't knock me over...at least I have a set phrase to respond.

"Your numerous comments about my body are inappropriate and they need to stop."

To the bolded: exactly! I think that the two situations are completely seperate. I also like your wording. It is economical, cold, and to the point.

wyliefool

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #53 on: November 16, 2012, 12:37:18 PM »
There's also the tried and true "Oh knock it off already, willya!" Complete w/  ::) and  >:(

Alpacas

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #54 on: November 16, 2012, 01:20:24 PM »
"Please do not take your insecurities out on me."

Definetly like that one.

MM could also remind Jessica that her problem with MM's size is just that. Its Jessicas problem and she needs to  overcoming it as the other colleagues had no problem with MM during the physical training.
I would probably remind her to practice more if she has problems with skinnier opponents, as Michael/colleague had no problem dealing with MM.