Author Topic: Skinny Shaming (long)  (Read 8668 times)

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audrey1962

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #30 on: November 13, 2012, 11:08:09 AM »
She's insecure. Ignore her. Do not feed the drama llama.

My dad had a saying, "don't tell people you can do [whatever]. Show them."

Don't tell her that you can keep up with her or are the same size or whatever. Show her by being better at your training than she is. Show everybody. People will figure out that she's insecure and that you know what you're doing.

TurtleDove

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #31 on: November 13, 2012, 11:12:14 AM »
She's insecure. Ignore her. Do not feed the drama llama.

My dad had a saying, "don't tell people you can do [whatever]. Show them."

Don't tell her that you can keep up with her or are the same size or whatever. Show her by being better at your training than she is. Show everybody. People will figure out that she's insecure and that you know what you're doing.

Agreed.  To "tattle" or engage with her makes YOU seem insecure, which I don't think is what you want to accomplish.

MrsJWine

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #32 on: November 13, 2012, 11:15:23 AM »
My reaction to her would be about the same as it was to someone who told me she likes to lick the siding on her house. It's such a very weird thing to comment on that I'd say, "Um. Okay," in a very blank tone of voice. I get that she's doing it over and over again, and I fully understand how even mildly weird comments can make for an oppressive workplace if they're repeated over and over again. But she hasn't repeated them in a vacuum. It might be hard at this stage, but try to detach yourself from the annoyance. Pretend she's saying something else (like, "Schnozzberries taste like schnozzberries.").


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CakeBeret

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #33 on: November 13, 2012, 11:23:02 AM »
I would tell her, "You seem awfully obsessed with my body and it's creeping me out. Stop." And then gloss over any future comments as if they didn't happen.
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HonorH

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #34 on: November 13, 2012, 01:57:15 PM »
Personally, I'd tell her, "Your comments about my size are getting old. If you can't get past your ideas about people smaller than you, one of these days, you're going to end up on your backside, and it'll be some mean, scrawny little inmate who put you there. You're not going to be able to choose only to deal with the big bruisers, after all. Stop obsessing about my size and learn to deal."
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GrammarNerd

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #35 on: November 13, 2012, 03:45:03 PM »
This?

The next time she says anything at all, just stop what you're doing and stare at her for a good 5 seconds.  Then very calmly state, "Mary, that's the Nth time that you've made a comment about my weight or build this week.  You REALLY need a new topic of conversation, because that topic is way past its expiration date.  Plus, it's actually none of your concern.  You just have to learn to deal, because inmates come in all different shapes and sizes too."

Or I like the comments about her being creepy too.

Or maybe, "That's the Nth comment like that that you've made today.  Maybe you should spend more time learning the moves and less time commenting on what you feel is wrong with my body."

I just say to point out the number of comments in a day/week b/c otherwise she could counter that you're being too sensitive.  But pointing out four comments in a day or two about someone's build or weight?  No, that's not being sensitive, that's responding to inappropriateness and creepiness.  So it bodes better for you, especially if you have a bit of an audience.

It almost seems like she's going for a reaction by trying to make you defensive or mad.  Give her one, but make HER look silly. 

AbbyW

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #36 on: November 13, 2012, 03:56:29 PM »
I would focus on the comments that are training related and ignore the rest.  I'm not sure how she thinks she can accomplish her job if she is unable to practice holds on everyone.  She won't be able to choose her job assignments based upon their size.  If she can't figure out how to do holds on all body types properly, then she can hurt herself and someone else.

Minmom3

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #37 on: November 13, 2012, 04:34:32 PM »
"JESSica, you have issues.  You need to work on them!"  And then every time she makes a size comment to you, you respond "Told you, issues!".
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Kaypeep

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #38 on: November 13, 2012, 08:00:22 PM »
I'd head her off at the pass.  If you're partnered with her for anything, before you start the exercise say to her "And don't go using the "Oh, but Mental Magpie is too skinny!!!" excuse for why you can't do it.  Build a bridge and get over it."

if she comes over to socialize with you, say "I'm glad you want to chat.  But I have to warn you now that if you bring up any mention of how skinny I am, you're going to have to give me $5 for each comment."  Or, "I'd love your company, but not if you're going to comment on me being skinny.  So it's up to you if you want to sit and join me."

bloo

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #39 on: November 13, 2012, 08:21:06 PM »
MM, I think  you are giving her remarks far more attention than they deserves.  The first thing you should do is stop counter-arguing with her.  Dismiss her remarks for the silliness they are, when it fits, and tell her to stop commenting on your body.  Tell her this in the moment, in front of the same people she makes her comments in front of.  She will only be embarrassed if she chooses to embarrass herself by making her remarks in front of other people.

Sometime during the second week, I needed to get by her.  I said, "Excuse me," and she stood her ground.  Jessica said, "Nope, you can't get past me."  It was obviously a game, so I didn't mind, but I did eventually get past her, smiling, and said, "Ha, I got past you!"  Her reply?  "Yeah, because you're skinny."

MM:  "You say that like it's a bad thing." 

Quote
Michael was showing her things by using me, and once she did it on me, she said, "You're too little.  I can't bring my elbows in like that, you're just too little."
 

MM:  "Better work on that, then.  You won't get to choose the size of the offenders you have to deal with."

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She searches me out then finds a way to work how small she thinks I am into the conversation.  It's getting exhausting.

"Co-worker, you make a lot of comments about my body.  Please stop."
 
After that, you can upgrade to "Co-worker, you keep making comments about my body.  It is rude, unnecessary, and inappropriate to the workplace.  Don't do it again."

I recommend that you avoid the phrase, "It makes me uncomfortable," as that is exactly what she intends to do, and you will just be feeding her behavior.

This. The bolded especially. The bolded was what I was going to post but LA Lady did it already. Do not tell her she's making you 'uncomfortable' and I don't think you should admit to her she's 'creeping you out'. That's what she wants and you'll be admitting it's working.

Very firmly and authoritatively tell her to 'stop' and use words like 'inappropriate'.

Use as few words as possible and give no reasons or explanations. Make direct eye contact.

Not only will she be dealing with smaller inmates but you will be dealing with way more obnoxious ones.

However you choose to deal with her, I hope it works out! I'd love to know how she is by the end of training (hint for update!). 8)

Julian

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #40 on: November 13, 2012, 11:30:41 PM »
EvilJulian is sorely tempted to count off her remarks - loudly.

Jessica:  'MM is skinny!'
MM: 'One!'

Jessica: 'MM is tiny!'
MM: 'Two!'

and so on.  When she asks, just tell her you're keeping score.  At x you win a prize / bet.

(There is a reason EvilJ doesn't get out much...)

Iris

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #41 on: November 14, 2012, 01:07:39 AM »
If you are not going to be working with her I would advise using this as a personal training opportunities. Disclaimer: I have never worked in corrections, this is based on shutting down inappropriate comments from teenagers. At some stage in your professional career - I'm guessing sooner rather than later - you are going to get inappropriate comments from inmates. If you show even a *hint* of JADEing or that it bothers you even slightly it will never end. So this could be a golden opportunity to practice your deadpan face. You could also - depending on the culture where you will be working - practice your emotionless "That's not appropriate. Don't say it again." The trick is to say it like a statement of absolute fact. An alternate approach is to use the deadpan face, fix them with a hard stare and just say "hmm."
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Redsoil

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #42 on: November 14, 2012, 02:10:30 AM »
Some years ago, I got similar comments from big, boofy blokes; because I rode a Kawasaki Z1000R - not exactly a "small" bike for the times.  My standard reply to "How on earth does a little girl like you manage a big bike like that?" was "Sweetie, it's not the size that counts, it's the skill."  For the record, I didn't consider myself "small" at 5'6", though I was slender.  It's true they were quite a bit bigger than me, though.  It's as much about attitude and ability as anything, in my book.

Don't give her the upper hand.  Simply give back comments that emphasise your ability, your prowess, your sporting skill, your strength (as opposed to sheer mass, which she seems to think "wins").  Anyone observing will form their own opinions of her insecurities, and applaud your ability to remain calm under provocation.  Wit beats cattiness anyday!
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Slartibartfast

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #43 on: November 14, 2012, 04:16:53 AM »
Her: "Blah blah blah you're so small!"

You: "Hey, enough with the size comments already!  You keep bringing it up, but it doesn't matter how big you think your opponent is.  You've got to be able to do this move on anybody.  Ready to try it again?"

Phoebelion

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Re: Skinny Shaming (long)
« Reply #44 on: November 14, 2012, 06:05:49 AM »
I haven't read the whole thread.  I would go with the why are you checking out my body?

But I'd also speak with the instructor/s to see if any of your other class mates have spoken to them with concerns of your "smallness".  I can't think they haven't heard her harassing you.  If asked, I'd tell them exactly what was happening.

I'm "little".  At least compared to everyone in my daily life and family.  They call me the runt or the milkman's kid. 

I'd also point out that being "little" is a distinct advantage at times.  You or parts of your body can get into places where other people's can't.

DH loves my little hands to get into a car engine and put on bolts where his "big manly man" hands can't get.

Enjoy your "smallness" - even if it's on someone else planet.