What does "come over for dinner" mean to you?

[Moray]

I'm a little confused at all the hand-wringing. I've honestly never had friends over for dinner where there wasn't a natural conclusion to the evening. Sometimes evenings that I'd initially planned on us all playing board games over a bottle (or three) of wine ended prematurely due to tiredness or whathaveyou. I've also had evenings that we'd initially planned as a quick supper turn into all-night gab fests. If I've planned a specific after-dinner activity, I will let my guests know, but other than that, I just play it by ear.

[mindicherry]

We get it! No need to yell!

You still didn't address the "ditching out" phrasing, by the way.

Seriously DottyG - are you just trying to be disagreeable?

I get that I may be the "new kid on the block", but was this really necessary?

(and yes - I do consider leaving within 30 minutes of the end of the meal "ditching out", barring any pre-agreed-upon arrangements)

Can you address my post where the person comes at 5pm, you eat at 7pm-8pm, and they leave at 8:30pm.  They have been there 3.5 hours.  Are they still "ditching out"?  They are clearly not there just for the "free food" as you have socialized that entire time.

Well - first - I would not invite anyone at 5 with the intention of not really feeding them (without MASSIVE appetizers) until 7:30pm, unless is was a Super Bowl Party.  You can't keep moving the invite time earlier and expect the same argument to "stick"

[DottyG]

I'm a little confused at all the hand-wringing. I've honestly never had friends over for dinner where there wasn't a natural conclusion to the evening. Sometimes evenings that I'd initially planned on us all playing board games over a bottle (or three) of wine ended prematurely due to tiredness or whathaveyou. I've also had evenings that we'd initially planned as a quick supper turn into all-night gab fests. If I've planned a specific after-dinner activity, I will let my guests know, but other than that, I just play it by ear.

Exactly! The "flow" that I've been talking about! I agree with you, Moray.

[stargazer]

We get it! No need to yell!

You still didn't address the "ditching out" phrasing, by the way.

Seriously DottyG - are you just trying to be disagreeable?

I get that I may be the "new kid on the block", but was this really necessary?

(and yes - I do consider leaving within 30 minutes of the end of the meal "ditching out", barring any pre-agreed-upon arrangements)

Can you address my post where the person comes at 5pm, you eat at 7pm-8pm, and they leave at 8:30pm.  They have been there 3.5 hours.  Are they still "ditching out"?  They are clearly not there just for the "free food" as you have socialized that entire time.

COMPLETELY Legit complaint! (oh - wait - was that too many all caps ;-) ? )

But I think this goes back to "know your audience".

The first time it happens? ok - come and post on eHell about it!

But if it is the 3rd, 4th, 5th time that you have been "subjected" to these kinds of invites or guests, you forfeit your right to complain.

Who cares if they are your best friend from college/Dh's friend/Playgroup friend?  If they cause you this much stress, just STOP extending/accepting invites! Assuming they are grown-uos - why do you think you going to change them?

Either confront the issue with the offending person, or stop inviting them/accepting invites.

It's really that simple!

ETA: and I say this because if there was anyone that I offended THAT MUCH that they would come on eHell to complain about me, I hope they would know that they have the option of just not associating with me.

Offended by what? How is any of this a reply to what stargazer wrote?

Thank you - I was totally baffled by the response as well.  Let me simplify.  People are focusing on the time after dinner.  I'm asking why the time before doesn't seem to count when they could be there 3-4 hours but only 30 min after dinner.

[cass2591]

Mindicherry, I suggest you dial it back a bit. You're coming across as aggressive and argumentative and neither is welcomed. As for the all caps, we discourage it but we can't be everywhere all the time. I've given in to the occasional EMPHASIS although I don't like it, but I will not accept I'M EMPHASIZING THIS SENTENCE.

So don't do it.

[Moray]

I'm a little confused at all the hand-wringing. I've honestly never had friends over for dinner where there wasn't a natural conclusion to the evening. Sometimes evenings that I'd initially planned on us all playing board games over a bottle (or three) of wine ended prematurely due to tiredness or whathaveyou. I've also had evenings that we'd initially planned as a quick supper turn into all-night gab fests. If I've planned a specific after-dinner activity, I will let my guests know, but other than that, I just play it by ear.

Exactly! The "flow" that I've been talking about! I agree with you, Moray.

I'm confused; you said earlier that you were confused by the "games" people were playing. What I'm saying is that assuming people are playing "games" just because they may mean different things by "come over for dinner" is silly. Full stop.

[DottyG]

I don't think people should play games. I think there is a natural flow (maybe im not using the right word to convey my meaning the way i intend? That might be) to an evening. As such, playing games (and I'm using that word only because you just did - not as a repeat of my earlier error) isn't necessary. Both of my statements are true.

It also goes to show that what I said earlier about how many of us are actually agreeing with each other without realizing it is true.  Many of us are, I think, more in agreement that we think - we're just approaching it from a different angle.

[mindicherry]

Mindicherry, I suggest you dial it back a bit. You're coming across as aggressive and argumentative and neither is welcomed. As for the all caps, we discourage it but we can't be everywhere all the time. I've given in to the occasional EMPHASIS although I don't like it, but I will not accept I'M EMPHASIZING THIS SENTENCE.

So don't do it.

Are you serious? 

if I was going to be "flagged" at all, I would have thought it would have been for me and DottyG back & forth - and we are now fine.

Please explain me to me how I am being aggessive and argumentative.  In most of my posts, I have said that people who don't agree with me when it comes to hosting a dinner party (for lack of a better word) are FINE.  I am not demonizing them - just saying that they wouldn't be part of my social circle because that is "not how I roll"

As for the all caps issue - I looked back and I have about a 15% rate of all caps in my posts (used only for emphasis, not obnoxiousness). Are you telling me that is excessive?

[DottyG]

Moray, I went back through my posts to see what I said. I don't want to sound like I'm being confusing! So I wanted to make sure. I think I'm not, but I might be after all!

But I'm seeing your post above as basically the same as my

I agree with this.  I said this in another post, but evenings just have a "flow" about them.  There does seem to be a natural "end" to them a lot of times.  It's not an X number of hours after eating thing; it's just a feeling that things are at an end and people go home.  The difference in that might just be in what the hosts of another culture (again, defining "culture" in many ways - familial, locational, etc) feel the flow is.

I'm saying it shouldn't be stressful, either. There are times when a dinner ends sooner and times when it ends later. There's no stress about it - people just kind of know based on the evening and what's taking place.

[cass2591]

Mindicherry if you don't understand how combative your posts have been I can't help you. Figure it out.

As for the caps, all I was doing was clarifying.

Yes I'm serious. And this thread is locked.