Not inviting mutual friend

[Quest_]

Hi e-hellions! Quick question, would you consider the following circumstance rude?

You have recently become acquainted with a friend-of-a-friend and you're interested in pursuing a friendship beyond the group settings you usually interact in. Is it rude to invite the new person out for coffee without including the friend you originally met through?

[Perfect Circle]

Absolutely not.

[Hmmmmm]

I don't believe so but I have seen others on this board state they would be hurt.

[LA lady]

IS this a time and place that you would usually meet original friend for coffee?  If so, then not inviting her this time would probably feel like a deliberate exclusion.

In general however, it is not rude to make a new friend, however you met them.  It would be rude to simultaneously drop old friend as if she were only a means to an end.

[HenrysMom]

It's not rude, but, for a first-time get together, I would invite the mutual friend along to make getting acquainted with the new person easier.

[cicero]

Hi e-hellions! Quick question, would you consider the following circumstance rude?

You have recently become acquainted with a friend-of-a-friend and you're interested in pursuing a friendship beyond the group settings you usually interact in. Is it rude to invite the new person out for coffee without including the friend you originally met through?

generally speaking - not rude.

is there a reason you are asking? did something happen?

I could see situations where the first friend might be insulted - if, for example, you would become friendlier with new friend and the two of you would semi drop the person who introduced you (not saying you would do this, but i've seen it happen). or if you and original friend have standing plans - not ever explicitly established, but something that you sort of morphed into doing, e.g., casual meet up for coffee on sunday morning at starbucks - and you suddenly do *that thing* with new friend or do something else with new friend and stop meeting original friend.

[CrochetFanatic]

No, it's not rude at all.  I wouldn't ask Friend1 while Friend2 is standing right there, though.  There's a possibility of Friend2 trying to invite him/herself, and there's a possibility of hurt feelings.

[Twik]

I believe Miss Manners said that the traditional thing was to have one event where you invite both. Then, they are "equal" friends, and you can invite them separately.

[Luci]

It's OK by me.

I am was proud that I introduced them, sort of like a match-maker!

[TootsNYC]

Hi e-hellions! Quick question, would you consider the following circumstance rude?

You have recently become acquainted with a friend-of-a-friend and you're interested in pursuing a friendship beyond the group settings you usually interact in. Is it rude to invite the new person out for coffee without including the friend you originally met through?

Yes, it is--the first time.

There's actually been writing on this--I think Miss Manners had something on it once.

The FIRST time you get together, you should include the mutual friend. After that, you don't need to.

[bah12]

No, it's not rude. 

If anything, it might be awkward depending on how much you interacted with this person in the group settings you usually meet in.  But, if you broke the ice in the group setting to the point where you are comfortable inviting this person out for coffee on your own, then there's nothing wrong with it.

[hobish]

I believe Miss Manners said that the traditional thing was to have one event where you invite both. Then, they are "equal" friends, and you can invite them separately.

You beat me to it

I've done this frequently. The best was meeting friends of Kay through her, then friends of theirs through them. The third couple are among our closest friends now. And now there is another couple we have met through the third couple that we would like to get to know better, but we have not yet found a time when we can all get together at my house, although we have been to theirs a few times. Even though they have been invited i would not feel comfortable just inviting the newer people without third couple until the getting together actually happens. I don't know if that is strict etiquette or my own taste.

^I hope that is not too many pronouns to make sense.

[pierrotlunaire0]

Hi e-hellions! Quick question, would you consider the following circumstance rude?

You have recently become acquainted with a friend-of-a-friend and you're interested in pursuing a friendship beyond the group settings you usually interact in. Is it rude to invite the new person out for coffee without including the friend you originally met through?

Yes, it is--the first time.

There's actually been writing on this--I think Miss Manners had something on it once.

The FIRST time you get together, you should include the mutual friend. After that, you don't need to.

This has been my understanding as well.

[Deetee]

Hi e-hellions! Quick question, would you consider the following circumstance rude?

You have recently become acquainted with a friend-of-a-friend and you're interested in pursuing a friendship beyond the group settings you usually interact in. Is it rude to invite the new person out for coffee without including the friend you originally met through?

Yes, it is--the first time.

There's actually been writing on this--I think Miss Manners had something on it once.

The FIRST time you get together, you should include the mutual friend. After that, you don't need to.

This has been my understanding as well.

That would be my suggestion. The first invite should include both friend and friend of friend. I wouldn't say this is written in stone but an effort should be made.

[snowdragon]

I used to have a friend who thought if two of her friends wanted to be friends, with or without her, they both needed to ask her permission. We had quite the argument over it via Facebook chat. When I refused to ask permission to be friends with another person she was friends with she flipped and accused me of "stealing" her friend I was 45 years old at the time( She was in her late 20's , maybe early30's) , reminded her of that and told her I don't need anyone's permission to pursue a friendship, she then tried to shoot down the friendship from the other end by telling the other person, that I would not ask permission - Other person laughed at her too. She claims "all her friends ask her permission to be friends with each other, otherwise they are not her friends".   

She has not spoken to either of us since, and has told several folks in our mutual group that I will "steal" their friends.  Personally, I thought this type of thing would be out grown by this time - I guess not.
   My long winded point is that some folks will find it rude to pursue a friendship with their friends....but I think it's up to each person to decide for themselves.