Author Topic: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread  (Read 1767 times)

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snowdragon

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Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« on: November 13, 2012, 01:24:04 PM »
 In the wrestling thread people said couples should never be put in a space with out walls for privacy.  I wonder if that is always true or if there are exceptions.
  What happens, for instance, if a single person takes in a couple after an emergency, for instance.
Or if the couple looses their jobs, moves to another city and moves in with say their sibling's family  for an indefinite period of time - do one of the kids have to give up their room so the couple gets their privacy?
   Yes, there are differences in the scenarios than in the original, but is it always wrong to put a couple in a room with out walls? 

Judah

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2012, 01:32:15 PM »
In the wrestling thread people said couples should never be put in a space with out walls for privacy.  I wonder if that is always true or if there are exceptions.
  What happens, for instance, if a single person takes in a couple after an emergency, for instance.
Or if the couple looses their jobs, moves to another city and moves in with say their sibling's family  for an indefinite period of time - do one of the kids have to give up their room so the couple gets their privacy?
   Yes, there are differences in the scenarios than in the original, but is it always wrong to put a couple in a room with out walls?

In the original thread SioThecat didn't know she was moving in to a room with no walls. That, to me, is the big issue. They were told they'd have a bedroom, but got an open loft instead. 

In the situation you posit, as long as it's clear to the couple that they will have no privacy, I think it's fine.  And in an emergency situation you get what you get and everyone makes do.

If I'm hosting a couple for a visit, they always get a room with a door. Actually, our guest room is more of a casita that is separate from the house, so they get plenty of privacy.
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Sharnita

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2012, 02:42:40 PM »
I think circumstances, length of time, etc would all factor into it.  in general I would say that couples do not always trump singles, even single children.

jmarvellous

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2012, 03:32:02 PM »
The only room with a door in our townhouse is the bathroom. We let people know that before they stay, and we'd not be comfortable with single or couple guests for more than a couple of nights, barring extreme circumstances.

So I think it's not rude as long as everyone knows what they're getting into and behaves themselves.

I would not move in anywhere with roommates if I knew there'd be no privacy (and by that I mean a shuttable door at a minimum).

bah12

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2012, 03:46:06 PM »
In the other thread, I don't think people were saying couples always get walls and doors.  Posters were saying that couples (and single people for that matter), should be told what they are getting so they can plan accordingly or make alternate arrangements if necessary.  And posters were saying that just because the loft space was given to them as their "private" space, it wasn't actually private, so the couple needed to be cognizant of their audience when wrestling or doing other private/intamate couple type activities.

The scenarios you mention are different.  An emergency is just that, and people have to make do with whatever they get.  Also, an emergency implies a very temporary and very sudden situation.  It's not a scenario where there are often choices, pre-planning, or permanance.  As for taking in a couple that is on hard times...Again, as long as the hosts are clear on what accommodations the couple are getting, nothing is wrong with not offering them walls and a door.  I'm not in the camp that children always have to be displaced when adults are around...or that single people should give up privacy to couples in all situations.  Displacing a child or someone else for the sake of a couple's privacy is, IMO, very situational, and neither always right or always wrong.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2012, 04:23:24 PM »
I did not read all of the original thread, but I don't think of that as a rule. I agree that it's about being clear with communication. If you are offering someone to stay with you (whether that is one night or on a more on-going basis), you should be clear on what exactly the arrangements are and what you are or are not offering. I think this goes for couples, singles, children, senior citizens, or anyone in between. I don't think it's wrong or even rude to offer floor space in the middle of the living room for a couple to sleep on, as long as it's clear that this space is public and has no privacy. And of course, the couple needs to act accordingly.

rashea

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2012, 04:56:03 PM »
I think in general it's not a great idea to have anyone not have privacy for an extended period of time. And I certainly think people should know what accommodations they will have when visiting.
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MOM21SON

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2012, 05:19:49 PM »
I can't find the original thread, can someone link it please?

Judah

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2012, 05:29:55 PM »
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

JenJay

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2012, 05:32:44 PM »
The only room with a door in our townhouse is the bathroom. We let people know that before they stay, and we'd not be comfortable with single or couple guests for more than a couple of nights, barring extreme circumstances.

So I think it's not rude as long as everyone knows what they're getting into and behaves themselves.

I would not move in anywhere with roommates if I knew there'd be no privacy (and by that I mean a shuttable door at a minimum).

I agree

MOM21SON

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2012, 07:07:01 PM »
I can't find the original thread, can someone link it please?

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=121526.0

Thank you.  I am having a hard time with married couples having roommates.  I understand visiting.  So I really have nothing to add other than, if I have guest, they know the arrangements before hand.

blarg314

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Re: Spinoff\Wrestling Thread
« Reply #11 on: November 13, 2012, 07:49:53 PM »

I've been room-mates with married couples on several occasions, without problems. They don't engage in particularly intimate behaviour in the common areas (sitting cuddled up on the couch watching TV or exchanging a simple kiss/hug is fine, making out is not). If and when they are engaging in activities in their own room, they are reasonably quiet about it. And they keep arguments away from the room-mates.

For a short term visit, a couple can suck it up and keep things PG for a few days or weeks.  Same with sharing a hotel room with another couple.

In an emergency, accommodations can be made. If someone's had to move in suddenly, and doesn't have their own room, for example, quietly arranging to leave the couple alone in the house for a few hours every week (with them knowing what the schedule is), so they can have some privacy even if they don't have their own room.  From the point of view of the visitors, they can do the same - make sure the're out of the house for a defined period on a regular basis to give the regular owners/tenants some of their own space back.

In the case of a couple moving in with family for an indefinite time, some arrangement needs to be made so that the couple gets enough privacy to engage in couply things - serious discussions without an audience, snuggling and kissing, Scrabble - on a reasonably regular basis. Doubling up kids so the couple has a separate room is one option, turning a den into a bedroom is another, vacating the apartment to leave them alone is a third. Some effort has to be made to accommodate the couple. Something like sleeping in the living room between the hours of midnight (when the last adult turns of the TV and goes to bed) and six am (when the first kid gets up to watch TV) is not a reasonable solution. ON the other hand, the couple taken in needs to adjust their own behaviour, recognizing that they are sharing living accommodations.